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Never, never in a million years...


whattodo12

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I know its long, but please help. I am 23 she is 22. We had been dating for 2 year and 10 months. My girlfriend and I's relationship has been kinda rocky since this summer. The one thing that held us together and very close was our love for each other.

 

I had questions if I wanted to be with her forever. I told her about these question this past summer. I guess I wasn't 100% sure if i wanted to marry her. I figured "I am young, I don't need to worry about this right now." Ever since then, our relationship was off and on and when times were good, they were good.... but times went bad whenever she asked me about if I wanted to be with her forever. She thought if i didn't want to be with her forever now, then I never will. (which may be a valid point, guess I'll never know) I saw how confident she was in our love, and not being a confident person, i questioned things. I put her through A LOT... I mean the one she loved told her he wasn't sure if he wanted to be with her forever... but I insisted we stay together.

 

So we finally decided to take a break (real one). 3 days after we decided to take a break, I went over to to her house to talk. We talked about how this is such a good idea, and how if we really want to be together we will figure things out and ultimately be together in the end. It was a really good conversation. She had said that she was scared for us because she began thinking about other guys and saw herself almost wanting to flirt with them.(guess i shoulda seen a sign there) She talked about a guy she knew and became close with. I never thought anything other than "they were friends and thats it." Well the next night she wanted to talk again. She said she had something to tell me. I find out that she actually had sex with the guy the night before we had that talk. So it was 2 days after we took a break.

 

I can't help but feel like I pushed her to that. The blame can't all go to her.

 

I can't help but blame myself. At the night she had sex with this guy, she felt hopeless about us because of me being unsure of us being together forever. She felt that because I had doubts about being with her forever now, that I will never develop them. She was highly intoxicated when she had sex with this guy. After she told me, I told her I needed time to think about the situation. This just adds another dimension to my thinking process about us. I guess I am just blaming myself because if I was just confident in my decision of wanting to be with her the rest of my life, then she would have never had sex with this guy. I mean maybe this is ultimately a good thing, because I did need time. Is it my fault for stringing her on for so long? Please help.

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If I didn't know then, I definitely don't know now. I guess I just figured I could deal with my issues while we were still together. I know I have other issues to deal with, like growing up, going into the real world (i'm about to graduate college). I focused on the past and feared the future because of how much fun I'm having in college. I thought I could deal with these issues and fix them and deep down inside I knew I would fix em and be able to give my 100% to her. It just hurts so bad bc I think i pushed her over her limits.

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You showed lots of uncertainty towards her and wanted to take a break. Of course she would be feeling needy and insecure. HOWEVER...your indecisiveness did NOT push her to sleep with someone else. She did that all by herself..she made that choice...she owns full responsibility for dealing with her pain in that way. Not everyone who is hurt over a breakup immediately goes and sleeps with someone else. I think both of you are not ready for marriage...you because you are unsure about where you stand with her...and her because she has poor impulse control and is tries to mask her pain by seeking the attention of other men. I think a break up at this point would serve you both well because you both need time to reflect on what the relationship truly means to each of you.

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Two parter.

 

First, it was partially your fault yes.

 

Second, it was in large part hers. If she truly cared about you, she wouldn't have done such a thing.

 

regardless however, it is ultimately her fault not yours if you ask me. She built the bridge, you guys could have walked accross it to each other if that was the choice. But instead she just burned it.

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by "take a break (real one)" do you mean break up? because then it is understandable that she would try to drown out her sorrows in meaningless sex. but if it was agreed upon to be a very temporary break, then she was just looking for an excuse imo. personally if my boyfriend did not feel the same sureness to be together forever as I felt for him, I would be at least a bit hurt, and wonder if/why I loved him more than he loved me.

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Even if it was a clean break, meaning you could see other people...two days??? That is beyond strange, I mean c'mon 2 days was all she could hold out, not even a week? Usually when you are so madly in love with someone that you want to marry them and spend the rest of your life with them you might be maybe too upset to rush out and have sex with another guy within 48 hrs of breaking up! I would run fast and far from this one if I were you.

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