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I feel broken.


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4 months later and it still causes me tremendous pain. She comes and goes through my thoughts so effortlessly. Any hope I have is wasted on her. I don't know how much longer I can fight this pain, I feel truly broken.

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Hey Bluen,

 

You and I are each four months post b/u. I've been following your story. LDR's are so hard. Hell, I only live 2 miles away from my ex and it is hard. I've only got 20 days of NC going at the moment...but I am pushing through..even though my pain is still immense-after 5+ years together. It feels like a long strange dream now...She is EU (emotionally unavailable)....and I think I am too in some respects. One thing you may try is an affirmation along these lines. I say it in the morning and before I go to bed..."Up until now, I have made (ex) the source of my happiness..but more and more each day, I am becoming a stronger, more independent man." Of course you've heard all the post b/u prescriptions...work out, make new friends, focus on you and your future; career, interests, hobbies. Try to date...etc....Look I don't feel so hot either, but I am taking the advice of my old minister FOCUS ON BODY, MIND AND SPIRIT in that order.working out especially will rid you of the toxins you have built up..and I'm talking about emotional toxins too..I believe that they reside in your body after a breakup..You have probably read this too..the end of a romantic relationship is the HARDEST MOST TRAUMATIC THING YOU CAN GO THROUGH..It's worse than experiencing the death of a family member or loved one in many ways..because with death there is closure and finality. Unfortuantely this society we live in doesn't really support men as much as they do women (although it's improving) My family and friends have said the usual lines such as "snap out of it," Just forget her..Plenty of fish in the sea..she didn't deserve you, move on..blah blah blah..but when you are bonded and connected to someone..good luck with all that...I am a hot mess but not giving up! I'm not even giving up on the ex...but I am not contacting her for now...I am just getting through the day the best I can....but we're not going to let this beat us right? We are too important to let another person be our undoing. Peace

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I still dont feel fixed and i am nearly 9 months on after a 3 year relationship. been in NC for that time apart from once when we bumped into each other. i was doing better but picked up on something i heard this week and i have a feeling she might be seeing someone else. that feels like a set back. even though i know we wont get back together thats feels like the final nail. i honestly thought we we rigtht for each other. now i have a flood of feelings on how i wish i did things differently even though by the last few months she was distancing herself. feels like this time last year to jsut about the day that things didnt seem right with her.

 

I feel like a car that seems to be motoring along doing 70mph then every so often the engine seems to splutter. car is ok but you know something jsut isnt right and needs tuning. my life still feels upside down with no direction!something is missing!

 

been on a few dates but not yet found anyone. will i ever at 38!

 

feel tired of it all as if its never going to change. feel angry for investing 3 years of my life in this girl i wanted to settle down with. never got the chance to talk things through. but what can you do apart from move on as much as you can.

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adamt!! i am right with you. almost a 4 yr relationship and i had been on NC since he left me 8-9mmonths ago. How do i get over this. he is with someone else, been hearing this a couple weeks now. why i cant i get past this? i stil cry and wish he would come bk. i am sooooooooo hurt,

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I'm just into my 4th month, 18 days NC and I'm really struggling. I've been crying all day. Even when I'm busy he's on my mind. I can't make it stop. I miss him so much and just can't understand how he can just vanish like this especially as a) he just asked for space and b) just days before he told me how much he loves me and how much he missed me when I wasn't around. I'm dying inside. I feel totally empty.

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I'm sorry you're suffering so much, I feel such empathy for all of us who are. In some ways, it means something positive - that we are able to feel deeply rather than superficially. The trick is to trick somehow accept the sorrow as we also move forward.

 

I am keeping my goals simple -trying to take care of myself better, look better, be healthier. Trying to maintain NC... so hard. Every day I want to have done something that feels like positive progress. Even if all I wanted to do was lie in bed and cry.

 

Sometimes, I think we need to have our pain honored and heard. I think that for some people it lasts longer if we just try to stuff it down. There's a balance of honoring the pain and moving on with it in tow, at the same time.

 

We'll all make it.

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