slept next to, but mot WITH, my ex

[sully737]

Hi everyone! Ive been reading the posts here for a little while, and think the advice given here is wonderful and from the heart... so I decided to post something myself... It may be long. I warn you.

 

Here goes:

 

Me an my ex broke up about a year and a half ago, we only dated for about 6 months, but it was a hot and heavy 6 months... I feel lin love with him very quickly.

 

I was going through a lot at the time (the previous ex had left me with a lot of baggage, and I was dealing with the recent death of my mother) So, I wasnt exactly stable enough emotionally to be dating someone but like I said, I fell hard for this guy.

 

We became the best of friends, but towards the end, I would pick fights with him constantly.... I had never been this way with my other relationship, and I knew I was being difficult, but I couldnt control it... In hindsight, I know this is due to my issues with abandonment, I think I was trying to test him.

 

I didnt treat him very well, and eventually he broke up with me... I was devastated. I started going to therapy, and have become a completely different person since then. I feel comfortable in my own skin. And I dont feel as constantly vicitmized as I used to. Ive become a happier, healthier, person.

 

Since then, we've managed to remain friends... Ive dated one other guy, but broke up with him about 6 months ago. He hasnt had any serious relationship.

 

We've been talking more and spending more and more time together. He recently asked me, in so many words, how my love life was going... I mentioned that I had been out with a guy a few times, but that it was nothing serious.

 

I mentioned that the guy I had gone out with would be at a mutual party that me an my ex were going to and my exes reaction suprised me he said "I dont mean to make things awkard, but can you just make sure that your not all lovey dovey with him at the party... I dont really want to see that, and Im sure you wouldnt want to see me that way either"

 

I was really suprised by this but I said "of course. Its not like that yet..."

 

The next day I wrote him a text saying "Im sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, that wasnt my intention" He apologized saying that he really had no right to say what he said, and that he wants me to be happy, and that he looked forward to meeting him.

 

Fast forward to the following week.

 

Since the split him and I have only hung out just the two of us, a handful of times, but we had plans to get together Thursday evening.

 

We went to a show, it was wonderful. Came back to my apartment and stayed up until 3 am talking. We sat close to each other the whole night... He kept breaking the touch barrier between us... Had a lot of laughs... He mentioned that one of his friends asked about me the other day saying that I was her favorite, and that she missed me... He made a few comments about me looking good, and that while he was at work he was looking at my facebook page and a coworker was like "whos that girl? shes cute!" and he said "thats my exgirlfriend" .... he had a big smile on his face as he was telling me...

 

I had to work the next morning, it was late, and there was a bad storm outside (I know, like something out of a movie right?!) So I told him he could stay over.

 

We ended up sleeping in the same bed together, no sex, no kissing, not even any cuddling.... But I couldnt help but have all those feelings come back to me. It was really nice, and it felt good to expirience that with him again.

 

The next day he needed a ride to work so I picked him up at his mothers house. When he got in the car he told me "My mother says hi.... She really liked you. She mentioned that we were hanging out a lot together again...." he had this funny smile on his face.

 

I didnt know what to say to that, so I made some dumb joke about her saying something along the lines of "that girls no good for you!" ***slaps forehead***

 

He laughed it off and I brought him to work.

 

Ive never stopped having feelings for him. It was really hard for me to get to the point where I feel comfortable around him again. And the past two days have felt really good, but it scares me.

 

What I really want to know is if, anyone of you, whether you be dumpee or the dumper could/would sleep in the same bed (an all too familiar place) with an ex... if there werent something still there? Or am I reading too much into this?

[sully737]

Aaaaaaand by mot.... I mean NOT. ...... Damn. ](*,)

[adviseseeker]

Hmm if there wasn't anything there still, he would have offered to sleep on the couch instead....

 

But you can't think too far into it, he was either being respectful to you by not trying anything or he just didn't want to. Interesting situation..