GIVE UP HOPE!

[GeeCee]

I understand what your saying but I'm never going to give up on the fact that we may go out again. Why you ask because when you love someone your willing to do anything so there I'm not giving up it's just a thing I don't do. So I'm going to keep trying no matter what but I will never give up.

 

Hmmmm .... now this is a curious one. This idea that when you love someone you are willing to do anything. I am sure that to varying degrees many of us on this forum have done more than we would have hoped to get the ex back. There are stories of people bargaining, pleading, crying, screaming etc. Now this just heaps more humiliation onto shoulders alaready carrying a heavy burden. I am most definitely not 'willing to do anything' to get my ex back. At some point, one has to draw a line and say that they did all they could to persuade the ex to change their mind. But if it is not happening, there is nothing you can do about it.

 

You cannot force a person to come back to you. Most of the actions taken by dumpees force the ex to run even further into the hills.

 

Good luck with your quest.

 

G xx

[Never Let Down]

I know that everyone has their own opinions and everything but this is my life and I choose how I deal with things. This is why we all have our own lives and choices to make. We all think, act, and do things differently so yeah. Plus in life anything can happen so even love can comeback to two people.

[GeeCee]

I know that everyone has their own opinions and everything but this is my life and I choose how I deal with things. This is why we all have our own lives and choices to make. We all think, act, and do things differently so yeah. Plus in life anything can happen so even love can comeback to two people.

 

Yes you are absolutely right. We all have the right to our own opinions and the way in which we lead our lives. That is a basic human right.

 

However, if you are the age your profile states, the chances are extremely high that you will feel very differently about your lost love in the next six months. I am imagining that you are experiencing the loss of a first love. Whilst that is a very powerful emotion, Never Let Down, most of us get over it and go on to conqueor and lose and conqueor other loves. You are very young, you cannot possibly talk from a position of experience. Whether you believe this or not at the moment, the pain that you feel right now will pass, and you will have other loves in your life, maybe one that is even more powerful than the one you have lost.

 

G xx

[fantasia2004]

Regardless of what age you are I believe that people can change and things can happen too . In time.

[GeeCee]

Regardless of what age you are I believe that people can change and things can happen too . In time.

 

Fantasia, not quite sure where you are coming from with this statement. Don't think that I ever indicated that I did not believe that people could not change or things could not happen.

 

I think I was saying that people make their own decisions, we can influence them to some degree, but we cannot change whether they want to stay or go.

 

I also think that, at 38, I would have a very different perspective on life than someone who is younger than one of my own children. Our life experiences could not possibly be compared.

 

G xx

[DragonGirl724]

yea i thought twice about the age thing. i dont mean to be biased BUT i thought maybe hes young & doesnt know what love really is AT FIRST but then i read more of never let down posts & i was like omg im 21 & i feel the exact same way!! and if he didnt put his age in his profile we wouldnt know hes dealing & feeling these emotions at such a young age. i am right there with you neverletdown. i know exactly how u feel & i not giving up on my ex either. sometimes love is a difficult journey & if u truly love the person you will ride out this storm & be there for them at the end. i know how heartbroken you must feel & my heart goes out to you in everyway.

 

-DG724

[Janet]

Hey

 

Just read your e-mail. One minute I am thinking I will be fine and meet someone new and then I think of my ex-husband with someone else. I can't seem to snap out of thinking he will be back. I keep saying to him to be cruel to me and tell me he doesn't want me and he keeps saying he can't say that. What the hell does that mean? He is also constantly crying on the phone when we speak. What does that me?

 

He says he doesn't know what he wants. He knows that I am always here if he wants to come back. Is that too easy for him or shoudl I just be cruel to him and say I don't want him back. The thing is I don't want to fight with him as we have money and mortgage issues to sort out.

 

This is a big problem for me I need to get this sorted and maybe then I will feel better. He won't come to our house to get his belongings and again I am reading into this that he is prolonging it becuase he does not want to end it.

 

God what am I thinking???

 

Regards

 

Janet

[Never Let Down]

Finally someone understands what i'm saying!! I maybe young but I understand alot of things. So like DragonGirl724 said I'm just going to ride it out and that's what i'm going to do. So at least someone final understands what i'm saying. Giving up is just a thing I don't do and people should never give up on one another because in this life anything can happen. DragonGirl724 thanks for understanding what I'm feeling.

[jm1842]

I don't think that it is about giving up at all. I think that it is about moving on. By constantly worrying about your ex you are limiting yourself. You are still living your life for them and getting nothing but pain in return. I have recently been pushed aside for someone I would consider is less of a man than I am. She made her choice and I have to accept that like a man. I cried to her. I told her that she meant more to me than anything in the world. This went on for two weeks and then I finally told her that if she cared about me at all she should just leave me alone. It was the hardest thing that I had to do in my life. I had just graduated from college and was looking forward to marriage and children. I still feel that one day she will come back around and want me. But will I want her then? I turned down my previous ex for her. Yes, I have had this happen before. My ex ex told me she made a mistake after 9 months of no contact. The person she left me for wasn't what she thought and that she missed me and all of that crap. I say crap because at the time that i heard it that's what it was to me. I think that you should just let go of the baggage. If they come back around and you still feel the same way that is great for you. I just don't think that you should wait and put yourself through any unnecessary pain. You have to ask yourself "who's chasing you?' If the answer is nobody then let it be. I personally don't want to be with somone that would make me want to chase them after they left me. I know what my love is worth and it does not come cheap, so I refuse to let it be treated as such.

[DragonGirl724]

Finally someone understands what i'm saying!! I maybe young but I understand alot of things. So like DragonGirl724 said I'm just going to ride it out and that's what i'm going to do. So at least someone final understands what i'm saying. Giving up is just a thing I don't do and people should never give up on one another because in this life anything can happen. DragonGirl724 thanks for understanding what I'm feeling.

 

your welcome. i hope it all works out for your benefit.

 

-DG724

[dikaia880]

I've also read your posts Neverletdown...and you obviously seem to care a lot...but what I think GeeCee is trying to say is that while your pain is no less, it is easier when you are young to get over someone and move on...I think it just comes from (and take no offense) less emotional maturity at younger ages, your emotions swing so much more at your age...one day you can be madly in love with someone, the next theres someone else...it's just nature. It's always seemed to me (through my own experience and others) that as you get older the feelings you have for someone take longer to go away...

This is not saying that you shouldn't do what your heart tells you...

When I was 15 (freshman in high school) I met a girl that was dating a friend of mine...I like her A LOT! then the next year we dated for awhile and nothing really came of it except I still like her...then after almost two years at the beginning of my senior year we dated for about 4 months, she broke my heart, but I got over it...But I think the main thing is that even though I had feelings for her over all four years in high school, I didn't all the fact that I had feelings for her keep me from dating other girls and getting that experience...

The thing is you need to be careful about how you "never give up" Not trying does not equal giving up...I've made the mistake many times of not giving up and trying hard to get a girl...it pushes them away...it needs to be subtle if not un-noticeable...you need to provide something she wants, emotional fullfilment, fun, comfort...in order to do so you can't be pushing her away by asking her out all the time or getting her all kinds of gifts...

 

I will not tell you to give up like some people seem to be doing...Me and GeeCee get into little "tiffs" over this...No one can tell anyone else to give up hope, to move on, or just forget about someone...we can't even tell ourselves that...it will just come at somepoint...

[GeeCee]

Dikaia

 

What the hell is this about tiffs???? You and I have never tiffed, I am sure that I would remember THAT!!!

 

And am sure that I have never ever told you to forget your ex. Cannot recall that at all.

 

Hope you are OK, Dikaia. Have missed spatting with you, but I think you understand why I am posting less.

 

G xx

[dikaia880]

Maybe Tiff isn't the right word...but you do have a way of slapping me back into reality at times...LOL

 

I completely understand about not posting as much...to be honest if I wasn't so bored at work most days, I probably wouldn't post as much either...I'll send you a PM GeeCee and let you know how I'm doing...

[Mix Maxster]

I like this post, even though it envokes anger in me lol just because I can't believe my ex. I thought I was doing pretty well, but then I was watching tv about this program on people getting married and god it made me sick lol. Anyways, for real I don't get her... she's all OVER the place. First she says it's not me, it's her... then she says it was because she needed time to herself and that she wasn't dumping me for this new guy... then she dates him two weeks later! Like WTF is wrong with her?! lol

 

Bare in mind this is what I think happened... near the end of our relationship we barely had the chance to see each other. We were only seeing each other maybe once a month or so. SO this is what I think happened, she met her new bf through a circle of new found friends, she probably hung out with them like every day and was really happy she could find some people to hang out with. Then this new guy starts developing a crush on her, it's like OMG she's a computer geek like us! OH MAN she's everything I would want in a girl, but she already has a bf... ahh well i'm sure I can win her over. And so by me barely being in the picture she had the chance to hang out with these new guys and I bet she was thinking "Man these guys are great! I have a greater time with them than any of my friends and especially Max." and so I think she WAS missing me because she said she was thinking about moving in with me, I dunno about you guys but that sounds like it to me. Then she probably heard about this new guy liking her and so she probably got all gitty and was like "man I never realized how much of a loser my bf is! This new guy is a lot better and he's great company. I think I'll dump my bf for him."

 

I swear that's what happened, it makes the most sense as she is the type of person to ditch people for new friends. Serves her right to lose a great guy, her loss! Man what an idiot she doesn't know what she lost and unfortunately she never will because she's too stuck up to let herself care. I'm telling ya, they're all a bunch of losers sorry to say it if that's harsh but really, such jerkish selfish behaviour.

[oxygen_lsv]

thnx... you gave me hope...

[Never Let Down]

Dikaia880 I understand what you're saying. I'm going to try to date around but I'm shy and just don't really know how to ask a girl out. I mean my ex and I were friends before this and we still are friends but I just really really like her over any other girl in my school right now. It's funny because my mind says one thing but my heart says to do another lol. Right now though I kinda like being single but I really want a gf. But Dikaia880 I do understand what you're saying and I won't give up like some people are telling me to do. I'll always keep hope for something to happen in my heart. Still have 3 more years of high school to see what happens. So you never know.

[dikaia880]

NeverLetDown....I was painfully shy in high school....think about this, it's something never realised until college...the girls in your school, most of them are going to be just as shy...I never tried to work on my shyness until my senior year, it was the best year I had in high school....Don't wait until then to try to get past the shyness...once you start to move forward past that life is a lot more fun and a lot less stress...Don't give up, why should you? To be honest I don't like when people here tell others to give up...Move on, live for yourself, have fun...but why give up on something you want?

Also, I know you've heard this....remember you're in high school...I look back at the girl that broke my heart in high school and laugh and I'm very glad I didn't get her back, even though thats what I wanted....and I'm sure if I don't get my current ex back, in time I will look back and laugh at how I was these last couple months...Time moves forward and so do we...but hope and dreams don't have to die because we move on...

 

"Dum Spiro Spero"

[Never Let Down]

Yeah I think next year I'm going to try to get over my shyness. I'm hoping when I get back from my vacation that my ex and I could get togeather and hang out and stuff. Then maybe before the school year starts I'll ask her out again.

[dikaia880]

Hang out with her when you can...don't push it and then you'll know whether you still like her and will be able to get some idea has to how she feels...study up on body language on the net and that will help you read he a little better....the main thing is not to push it!

Good luck in the future...remember there are lots of fish out there...don't throw back a keeper because the may be a bigger fish out there...because just because that bigger fish may not be there, and even if it is you don't know if you'll be able to find or catch it...if that makes any sense LOL

[Never Let Down]

I know not to push it everyone keeps telling me that. With the body language do you have a sites that would tell me because the last days of school she's stared at me etc. So just tell me if you know of any.

[AB38]

WAY TO GO ZIGGY, I JUST CAUGHT THIS THREAD. VERY INSIGHTFUL.

[gallway]

I've gotten some insight from professionals that may benefit you guys. Obviously all of our situations are unique but maybe I can make some general comments. First off, there is nothing wrong with sharing your emotions with your ex if you do it in an honest, tactful way. BUT, you must be willing to admit to yourself that this is where your control ends. There is also the question of the motivation behind the contact. Do you want to "say your piece" or try to re-establish communication? If you're interested in re-establishing communication you need to be careful. Say what you need to say in a way that is likely to get you heard. How? First, don't send one long letter or email out of the blue. Ask "when would be a good time to talk?" Let the ex prepare and pick a time...if any. It is a sign of respect to let the ex have a say about the schedule. You don't want to be overpowering or a bully. You don't want to seem out of control. ALso, if the ex says "no" you won't have put everything out there...it will still be yours. Letters are often re-interpreted by mood. Try to talk on the phone, or even better in person. Like most advice here says, make the changes you need to make to better yourself so no matter what happens you'll have that to move on with. If you know your changes have real value it's natural to want your ex to see too, and there's nothing wrong with attempting to do just that, but ALWAYS remember the changes have value even if the ex doesn't see them. Once you've done all you can to re-establish contact it's out of your hands. Be ready for rejection. Fear of rejection breaks up a large percentage of relationships so risking contact with the ex is risking rejection. If fear of rejection caused your breakup, as it did mine, then you can demonstrate to yourself and your ex that you've overcome that problem by risking it again through making contact. This may sound like a mind game, but the logic is tight, for as much as logic is worth in these cases.