Reality or staying in delusion

[tattoobunnie]

Mostly to vent...my ex and I miss each other. We are not together. He doesn't plan to get back together with me. I can accept that. I am giving another go with my prior ex, and since there was much damage done...it's hard to wrap my heart around it. I'm still in love with my current ex. We see each other from time to time. Last time was Saturday into Sunday evening, hanging out like old times. So much fun. We know we shouldn't be intimate, but we were. Agreeing to move forward as friends, and this being the last time.

 

While some may view this as a sign that I shouldn't be with my prior ex, I think I would just be a fool sticking around for a man who does not want me; That I need to move on to one who does and wants to create a future with me...that while I have always wanted my current ex, that this feeling will pass as I embrace my prior ex and give him (us) a real chance.

 

I have always be by the book with relationships. Never swinging from one to another, and back...though that never got me anywhere, so I'm gonna play things by ear this time.

 

I don't want to stop talking to my current ex...that we can become friends. And I know he doesn't agree with me seeing my prior ex...it's my life. Gonna do what's best for my future. My time is worth towards a man who is willing to work through things with me. Though, the reason I'm so hesistant is because of all the damage between me and my prior ex. I believe people can grow up. Hmm. This is it though. Life is messy.

[drewciouS281]

Why go back to an ex to where things obviously didnt work out before otherwise he wouldnt be an ex? Whats the point? Just cause he cares and wants you back? To me it sounds like your just lonely and going to the first person that you know will give you the comfort and compassion you need right now. Why cant you find someone brand new to give you what you want and need? Doesnt make sense to me. I would never go back to my prior ex, even if she was changed and and wanted to give me the world. THings didnt work out for a reason.

 

You havent moved on from your recent ex, therefore you cannot manage another relationship. You will most likely end up cheating on your prior ex with your recent ex. You know this! Dont do it. Just heal, move on, be alone and focus on you. A brand new Mr. RIght will come your way eventually if you know it, and have faith with it!

[Chris Knows]

^^^^^ This right here.

[tattoobunnie]

I know the easiest thing to do would be to walk away from all of it...everything. I'm so good at it, it's my calling card. Drop off from people, disappear, move on. I never get lonely that's the problem.

 

There was at one point so much love...the kind people envied. One that filled a room. We did dream a future together, and made strides towards it. A series of things happened all at once, and we broke up. I decided as per usual to not speak to him. And while he sought for me for a year to follow, I ignored and blocked all forms of communication from him up until a month and a half ago. I decided to forgive him, and now here I am.

 

I know I've placed myself in a triangle temporarily, but I'm trying to act like a adult (considering I am an adult - HA!)...that there are choices to be made. & it's not always all about me. Things do not just come when you want them to. There's a lot of things I don't wanna miss out on, just because it requires some hard work.

 

I hear what you're saying...and really it would be easy for me to just meet someone else. Good-god, I'm good at that. I'm choosing to duke it out now. I miss my current ex. He's my friend now. We are adjusting. I am adjusting.

[redrosie]

I am new to doing this, but this concept of being friends with an ex boyfriend, lover or husband to me is like a wound that never really heals. Emotions to me are like that. Why live with "What ifs?". I am dealng with somewhat the same issues that you are, but I could never except being just friends if I broke up with my husband. I don't believe in divorce except if there is some kind of danger to myself or the children.

 

Emotions run deep and we are human and we all make mistakes. That how we are. If you truley love the new person you are with then total devote your self to him and build a strong relationship. Turn the page in your book of life and start a new chapter. It can be hard, you can 't make someone love you.

 

I am working on rebuilding my relationship with my husband of 23 years. He is in the same boat you are. I hope I was helpful and this is what is helping me/ God gives us 3 things, Faith, Hope and Love and the greatest is love

[LoveSoDeep]

Tattoobunnie - Sounds like quite a puzzle. I know you want to give things a shot with your prior ex...but come on....you're no where near over your most recent ex. Have you thought maybe you should just be honest with your prior ex to be fair to himand tell him that you want to work on things with him but you are still working on getting over your recent ex. Relationships...new old or reinvented do not owork out if one person is still stuck on someone else...if you want this to work out with your prior ex you need to be honest with him and with yourself and just take some time to heal before you jump back in.

 

I'm not saying don't try with the prior ex...I'm saying he waited over a year for you to talk to him...if you need a month or so I'm sure he'll understand.

[tattoobunnie]

Right now...I'm not madly in love with my prior ex, and I wasn't in the beginning as well. It grew to that. I'm not gonna act like a kid, and think it'll warf into great love overnight. To me, this is a new relationship. One that needs to be re-built.

 

I've got plenty of naysayers on this, but all of it...they aren't the ones going through it. It's very easy to give quick-fix, bandaid statements.

 

Redrosie. What happened between you and your husband? Life?

[tattoobunnie]

Thank you for sharing. I am taking it very slow with my prior ex. We talk about issues of the past, things to work on, and he knows I need time. And that I am taking it. And doing positive things towards the relationships. Of course I'm not over my current ex. But semantics-wise, what we had before has been over...for 5 months. It's been plenty of time. Another month, two, 20, won't make a difference. I just need to make a commitment to my prior ex, and take the leap.

[tattoobunnie]

Perhaps I'm only sticking around for the unavailable men aspect...hahahha

[LoveSoDeep]

Thank you for sharing. I am taking it very slow with my prior ex. We talk about issues of the past, things to work on, and he knows I need time. And that I am taking it. And doing positive things towards the relationships. Of course I'm not over my current ex. But semantics-wise, what we had before has been over...for 5 months. It's been plenty of time. Another month, two, 20, won't make a difference. I just need to make a commitment to my prior ex, and take the leap.

 

Well, it's good that he knows. I just wanted to make sure you were being fair to everyone involved.....I dunno that's just me I want everything to be fair (probably why I'm often disappointed). I disagree though...I know things have been over with your recent ex for 5 months but I feel like you never really let go of that....you were hoping to get back with him and I think you may have finally let go of that (as much as you ever will) the last time you saw him....there's been a lot of talk recently about moving on and just b/c you broke up 5 months ago doesn't mean you've let go. Just give yourself time to really let go. I know you're taking things slow with the prior ex and that will help...I think as long as you're aware of your feelings for both exes you'll have a good chance of moving in the right direction. So just keep your eyes, ears and heart open.

[DN]

I don't see how you can make a full and loving commitment to him when you are in love with someone else. He is in love with you so his thinking isn't straight right now but at some point he is highly likely to realise that he is being short-changed and will want someone who loves him and only him.

[tattoobunnie]

You are right...it has been 5 months...and the first 4 were spent in a different mind-set. It makes me laugh to think I'm not a drama-queen, but I find myself in a drama-filled situations. But I mention here...relationships aren't easy...movies have editing and montages, life has the crud you have to wade through to get the happy ending. Though, it'd be really fun to see the movie montage...fast forward all the rebuilding process, right to the way you're aiming for things to be.

 

I think part of the problem with my current ex is that things didn't blow up in the end. All the pieces to reconnect are still there. It's really emotional willingness that makes the difference. And I'm not about to stick around for "maybes" and "somedays" Trying something different here...I want a grown-up relationship. I will choose to be in one. I will make my own happy ending.

[tattoobunnie]

I don't see how you can make a full and loving commitment to him when you are in love with someone else. He is in love with you so his thinking isn't straight right now but at some point he is highly likely to realise that he is being short-changed and will want someone who loves him and only him.

 

I hear what you're saying...but it's only been a few weeks. I'm not gonna rush anything. Commitment...I wasn't referring to him alone. It's a commitment to choices I am making. Short-changed...that's on him...if he had handled things differently, I wouldn't have even stumbled accross this website a year ago. We'd actually be married with children. If he wants someone who loves him and only him, and I do as well...we have to work towards it. We're rekindling. Our previous relationship is long-gone.