Decided to move on... 3 days of sadness and then done

[coyne740]

I've decided to move on from my now ex... Who knows if there will be hope, she wanted space to sort things out in her life and I love her enough to give it to her. But I love me more, and I know I need it too. So going NC for the time being. I started yesterday by giving myself 3 days to feel sad, to grieve and mourn. So... here is a log of what I did yesterday -

 

Day 1 - The worst

I listened to country music, did nothing at work (bad, I know), decided to grow a "break up" beard, listened to some more sad music, drank by myself, she contacted me, I answered, but very vague answers so she wouldn't know what I was doing. Finally... it came crashing down and I hit the wall... I cried. For me... that's huge, getting in touch with that. Usually, I feel love and happiness, but never sad. I didn't even cry at my dad's funeral. When I say cry, I don't mean a few tears, I mean full out, hit the floor in the fetal position bawling my eyes out.

 

Day 2 - Feeling a bit better

I feel better today.... deleted her off the IM list and I'm not checking it every 5 minutes. My phone has been in my pocket all day and I am not looking at it (BTW, if you are going NC and have an Iphone? Jailbreak it and put iBlacklist on there.... best program ever). Today's music playlist? Sad hard rock... good stuff there.... I will update as the day goes on.

 

Day 2 - continued

Feel worse now... she has sent me a few im's today, I didn't block her because I am more mature than that, but I am ignoring them. Her last one said... hi and then half an hour later "have fun packing or whatever you are doing." She knows I am going to Florida with my family for a long weekend. Thank God for music right now... uplifting Eff You music. No more drinking, I don't need that right now....

[LoveFish]

Wow if you are feeling better by Day two you are doing alright!!

 

I has taken me months and months to recover and I still hurt some days after almost a year.

 

Music a gift and a plague for breakups. I had to stop listening to most of the music on my ipod because it triggered so many emotions. You are just torturiung yourself if you listen to music that makes you sad. I listened to some really loud angry music for a while and it helped. haha.....but now if I listen to that same angry music it triggers old feelings I had during the break up. The brain is a crazy thing and learning how to control it is crazier.

 

 

I would cry if it helps you. Holding things in just makes it worse. Crying is an emotional release and there is no shame in it.

 

Drinking will do no good. Alcohol is a depressant and make you feel like crap mentally even days after drinking. I don't think there is anything wrong with going out with some friends for a couple drinks...socialization is good right now but so is moderation.

 

I found working out and sports were very helpful to me. Trigger those endorphines when you need them most. Get on a sports team, meet new people and have fun. When you are actively engaged in a sport or similar activity your mind is forced to focus on that and nothing else. It's a great escape.

[shamone]

coyne740 i like you attitude!

 

and i see what you mean about the music! almost every song reminded me of her at the time haha! it was pure torture! but now it couldnt remind me anymore less of her

[coyne740]

Here's my deal with music... it will remind me of her at times, but, I love music, I make music and I refuse to let anyone ruin that relationship I have... it's too special to give up over a woman. She was the first person I have been in a relationship with that loved DMB as much as I do, and I AM NOT giving that up over anyone. Even if it makes me feel like utter crap, I will soldier on.

 

And yes, alcohol is an utter depressant, however, I need to be depressed right now... and it seems the only way I can actually feel depressed and sad is by consuming it. I want to face these feelings head on so that I can be stronger when I come out of it.

[LoveFish]

Here's my deal with music... it will remind me of her at times, but, I love music, I make music and I refuse to let anyone ruin that relationship I have... it's too special to give up over a woman. She was the first person I have been in a relationship with that loved DMB as much as I do, and I AM NOT giving that up over anyone. Even if it makes me feel like utter crap, I will soldier on.

 

And yes, alcohol is an utter depressant, however, I need to be depressed right now... and it seems the only way I can actually feel depressed and sad is by consuming it. I want to face these feelings head on so that I can be stronger when I come out of it.

 

OK- Agree with you on the music. I would NEVER recommend letting anyone ruin music for you. There is just a choice of what to listen to. Music can be therapeutic but I wouldn't use it to fuel depression....which brings me to your next comment.

 

You don't NEED to be depressed right now. You can grieve and morn but consciously allowing yourself into depression and feeding that depression with alcohol is so self destructive. It's not going to help you. It's going to make things 100% worse and set your life up into a situation you may not be able to climb out of.

 

You are better off getting stoned and focusing on your own music.

[LoveFish]

Also you aren't "facing the feelings head on" if you are drunk.

 

I'm not saying I'm any better than the next guy when it comes to these things but from an outside perspective and reading your words I need to point this out =)