How happy is happy?

[confused1607307029]

Not sure if anyone can provide me with some insight...I am sooo confused.

 

Basically I am 30 yo and have been with my husband since I was 18. We have been married for 7 years. My husband and I are basically the best of friends, we talk about absolutely EVERYTHING! He is loving, caring, sensitive...everything you could ask for in a husband. We have had a very volatile relationship with many extreme ups and downs but we have kept working on staying together...one main reason being is that my husband suffers from depression. Early on in our relationship we had a problem with an extremely lacking sex life due to my low sex drive. Over the years I have managed to work out my issues and have actually succeeded in increasing quite significantly my interest in sex. IN the meantime my husband has switched off his sex drive in order to protect himself over the years and we have found ourselves in a reversal of the early years.

On the weekend I went to a party and met a guy there and we flirted and ended up kissing....it was sooo thrilling (I realise that this is just lust!). I told my husband about it and he wasn't at all concerned and suggests it a normal reaction after being together for so long. He also suggested that in the future if I'm tempted to just have sex as long as I come back to him in the end.

I'm not sure that I want this kind of relationship but I'm also not sure that I want to give up what I have with him as I don't know if I'll find better elsewhere.

I do love my husband but do I stay with him because he's my best friend or do I leave to pursue romance????

HELP!!

[gypsysong]

hey ....well i think that you have realised your options...and now you have to choose one...and whichever way you go....you know that you are going to always wonder about if you had of taken the other option...becos with most things the grass is greener...

maybe weigh up the pros and cons...make a list...might help put things into perspective...and also list what desires you have and what is important to you.

it sounds like you have what so many ppl desire in a relationship...which is mateship. what could be better than your lover being your best mate really....but then maybe the ppl desiring it are the ones out getting all the one night stands and on off romance of being single....

would you prefer to break up with your husband and lose something special...but a lil too comfortable...and pursue going out and having that crazy love life ...for the sake of that hotrush you get on a first kiss with someone. or sacrificing that sort of temptation and tingley feelings to continue the companionship you have and are comfortable with.

but you are still young ....there is so much time left to decide...but whatever you decide...be stern and accept your choice...do what you have to do to live life to the full. you worry you might not find anyone else like him ...but why would you want to if you are thinking bout leaving your husband....would you want to leave the situation your in now...only to find yourself in the same situation just refreshed with a new person...

i havent been married but i have been in longterm relationships where i feel completely in love and had the same issues...like thinking if i want to be with that person forever or flirt around in single land and never finding anyone else as good as that love....but from my experience that hasnt been the case....each time someone new came into my life...it was better than the last time...but the cycle still continues....always....

now i think i do not fear finding someone as good or someone i will love as much...becos its foolish to think so....there are so many ppl and so many you will love i think....becos single soul is different ...

anyhoo i think i am babbling on a bit...and i dont know if ive gone off track or even helped....lol

i believe if things are meant to happen they will....just be open to new changes and dont pressure yourself to make a decision....that will just make you feel stressed out and muddle up your thoughts...

as for your husband condoning you having sex with others ...that is pretty good of him to give you such freedom ...he must love you so much to not want to hold you down in your life....but if it was me i would ask myself if he is willing to give me such freedom and trusts me that much if i could have sex with others regardless..maybe thats just not so fair....but whatever works i guess aye....ok well i will leave it at that i think....i hope i have helped you somehow....and if you want to chat or anything feel free to add me in msn....gings99@link removed....

ok have awesome day/night and i wish you the best of luck.......

and never forget.....YOU ARE NUMBER ONE...YOU ARE WHO COUNTS IN YOUR LIFE....WE COME HERE ALONE WE GO ALONE...DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU....!!!!! ciao!!!!

[BreArna]

Do you have children?

[confused1607307029]

No, we don't have any children so that's one less thing to consider I guess...

 

Gypsysong mentioned not pressuring myself into making a decision because I'll end up more muddled and confused than I already am....you hit the nail on the head!!! That's exactly what I need to do. My mind hasn't switched off for the last 7 days and I'm exhausted.... Thanks for your input, you've given me food for thought.

 

I can't stop thinking about the other guy that I just met. I haven't seen him since and don't plan to, BUT I do keep daydreaming about him. I think it is most likely because he represents everything that I've been missing.

 

I want to make this decision for me and not for another relationship though so I think I need to put all thought of the other guy out of my head before I am free to make a decision.

[kungfumaster]

Confused: What immediately came to mind when I read your post was - wow - you are lucky, and I don't think you realize how lucky you are.

 

Firstly, you have a husband who wants YOU to be happy - this is evident in the fact that even though you have kissed a guy (which is not much, I know), and has a feeling you want more, he still says "as long as you come home to me at the end" (basically), he doesn't care.

 

Secondly, you guys have been through your honeymoon period, and have survived alot after that (his depression, your low sex drive, and now, his low sex drive), and probably countless number of other things. AND YOU GUYS ARE STILL together. Wow. Alot of couples would have crumbled under any of these things.

 

So my question to you is: why throw all your hard work, tears, joys, depressions - ALL of it away and start *ALL* over again with some other guy? If you work just a bit harder (like talking to each other, and trying to resolve this issue of his low sex drive, and your issue of wanting someone to desire you), I can't see why you can't go that extra mile and finally, enjoy "the main feast" of you and your partners hard work - you know what I mean right - you see old people still madly in love at the age of 80+, holding hands, both hunched back - now they are truly happy- and if you hang in there, you will probably answer your own question of "how happy is happy".

 

Good luck confused. I wish you guys all the best, and I sincerely wish in my heart that you will not throw it all away.

 

Kung fu

[BreArna]

I tend to agree with kungfumaster because you are very lucky that you have found someone who wants to make u happy.. Your at the stage where ur thinking what else is there for you out there. Ive been through that stage with my bf, weve been together for 7 years and 3 kids.. he is absoluty everything i could ever want and i seriously doubt id ever find someone like him again but like you i did have doubts last year and considered ending it, but im sooo glad i didnt. I was totally sure i would be happy elsewhere but i know now that it was jus a phase and im glad its over, im sure everyone in long term relationships goes through this but unfortunately they act hastly and end it instead of waiting it out and hopeing and praying thatll itll all be good again. You have gone thought alot with ur guy so it shows that yous are strong and can over come this, i hope u can work this out and be happy because i doubt u will be happy if u let him go now

[magda]

I don't agree about your being lucky. I think your husband sounds very depressed. Consider this sickness ("in sickness and health"). If he is not in therapy I think he needs something like that pretty badly.

 

You need to talk to him about this - talk to him about how he sees your future together and see if it matches how you see it... but please take into consideration that he sounds very depressed in order to say that you, his wife and lover of 10 years, can go ahead and have sex with anyone "if it will make you happy". Please: "if it will make you happy" is quite a guilt trip of a statement in this context. He is not granting you a get out of jail free card, sweety. I don't know the guy but most men would be mad about something like this. Please stick this out with him longer and support him until you're sure the relationship is lost.