Myself and i

[red_sky_girl]

Well...usually i have my own and privat journals at home and noone can read them besides me...but you know they say 'shared joy is double joy and shared sorow is half sorrow', so i guess i will kinda of feel better after i've shared some things with you here. I just feel down today , actually i have been feeling this way recently and im trying to get up and move on with my life again. I started this new year with sadness, then after the first three days i decided to write down some resolutions and to keep them in front of my eyes during the days and months of this year ..and it really started to work..i felt i was changing my thoughts from negative and full of fears to positive and that was for 10 days... i experienced 10 days of peace , of joy and love inside me..i felt so strong while i was keeping the focus inside me ...then i suddeny lost my focus because the outside factors and influences were affecting my decisions so suddenly i found myself getting down again. Im wondering everyday what happened with me? It happened that i let down myself and tried to find joy outside of me, at other people's attention or at other people's care.I know this wount work ever cause ive tried this many times and many times i have failed,and now that i think it, i feel double sad because i've left myself in the middle of the street and run away to find this joy away from ME a pity really. But here i am again with MYSELF...alone with MYSELF and i can feel myself breath , i can feel myself cold , i can feel my hands when typing right now, and i can feel my heart calling for ME , and i can feel my whole being yelling for ME and MY help ,you know why? Because i am the only one who can heal my soul and i am the only one who can sing a song to my hear and im the only one who can answer my questions and im the only one who can really love MYSELF and care about HER.

Well, im aware that there are times of sadness , and there always be , there are times of joy and love and there are times of difficulties and tears and there alayws be, but only one thing will not go away ever, and i have to deal with it -- thats MYSELF.I cant go and run from myself ever because i know that MYSELF its the only place and my only shelter in time of rain and sun. I have to deal with it even when i care about my external beauty in front of the mirror ...sometimes i say stupid things to the person i see on the other side of the mirror but i know that i shouldnt cause that is the only good friend of mine and i must be aware of it once for all.

I feel sad because i think i really like another person but its been a while since all this situation is so confusing and i think its because of me ...i must like myself first everyday when i get up, every time i see it in the mirror , every moment im at work and everytime im with friends...i shouldnt forget that there is a person next to me that i must like and love first , that i should accept as it is without any condition ...MYSELF..if i will do it every single moment of the day i wount be feeling sad and think much of what others think of me or why someone might not like me the same...

 

IM WORKING ON IT.....CAUSE I believe I AM STRONG