He's off playing and I have an STD....

[Delusional Kisses]

This post may be long-winded and I apologize in advance. For those of you that haven't read any of my past posts..I've been in love with my best friend for three years. We've never officially dated (maybe in the very beginning) but have had sex several times over the past three years. He is the only man I've had sex with since I was 18. I am 32 He moved back home 2 years ago and I only see him about every 5 or 6 months, but remain in constant contact. He hadn't visited my home since he left two years ago, but then in early December he made a surprise visit. Here is where something odd happened. I was in a book store with him when my doc called to tell me that I had tested positive for HPV. I was supremely upset as was he. I know there is no way I could definitely say that he was the one that gave it to me, but since every pap smear I've ever had in the past 14 years was clear and then BAM...I can only assume. He was very upset about it and I've tried to make light of it. I mean its sooooo common and I'm having surgery to remove the bad cells, etc. Anyway, he went back home and then came back this month to go on vacation with me and my family. The vacation went SO GREAT except for one thing....I found out he was starting to talk to someone. I asked him about it and I told him that I just want him to be happy which isn't a lie, but I am crushed. I am devestated. I'm not sleeping. I'm not eating. I cry all day at work. Then yesterday a lady accidently called my elderly mother's phone about my surgery (I hadn't told her) and I was upset about it. I texted him and he just wrote it off as nothing. I'm so furious at this. Should I be? Am I right? This girl is nothing but a skank. She will use him like every other girl I have had to deal with....alcoholics, drug addicts, etc. I've done it far too many times before!!! Maybe finding my anger about this situation with help the hurt. I'm at a loss...again.

[waveseer]

It can hurt really bad when the person you love doesn't share your feelings. He obviously isn't taking your feelings (or health) into account, does he know how you feel? Also, if he's in the habit of not being tested for STD's then he's not a safe sex partner.

[alli]

HPV is very common; I've heard the 80% of women will get it in their lifetime, and the great majority of the time it clears up on it's own. Has your Dr performed additional pap smears since the time the HPV was found? I've heard that sometimes having the cells removed immediately is unneccessary because it will clear up on it's own, and the surgery itself can cause scarring and reproductive problems. If not, I would suggest getting a second opinion before having the surgery.

 

As far as this guy goes, one thing that has stuck out to me is when you said "his girl is nothing but a skank. She will use him like every other girl I have had to deal with.... alcoholics, drug addicts, etc. I've done it far too many times before!!!"

 

It sounds like, since you only dated when you first met him & you've been in love with him for 3 years, then you haven't dated him in 3 years. Why are you so protective of someone who isn't even your bf? Why are you not dating? He doesn't want to? You stick by him while "he is being used" by so many different women. What makes you think that they are using him, and not that he is using you? You say you've had to deal with it too many times before. Why is it YOUR responsibility to deal with his dates? Unless he is somehow mentally handicapped, he is perfectly capable of deciding whether or not he WANTS these women. He knows exactly what he is doing.

 

You said you stay in constant contact, yet you only see him a couple times a year. Why doesn't he visit you in person more? Sorry, but I get the idea that he is dating whoever the heck he wants & in between each, he uses you for sex.

 

It's either one or the other. You are friends and don't have sex EVER, or you do have sex and you are dating/relationship/married. Anything in between is FWB or a source for sex, and if you don't think you are a FWB, then there was no agreement to this and he is using you.