Possible or needs nudging

[tattoobunnie]

I know it's written all over the place...but I'm clear with what I want. I appreciate your comments.

 

I met and started dating a man (we'll call him Ted) a few weeks after getting out of a horrific relationship. I wasn't expecting it to turn into anything. It turned into something great and amazing. Though there were multiple times I took my baggage out on Ted. And while he had gotten out of two bad relationships, the first, with his ex-wife, then a different ex, he was still very good to me.

 

We broke up officially in September, and because our connection was still strong, we still hung out. He is always aiming for us to be in each other's lives. And we would still be intimate with each other, but we decided to stop hanging out a few weeks ago, because he wasn't ready to try again, and we weren't good at not keeping our hands off each other.

 

A month later, it is now this past Thursday, I contacted him. I had been seeing the prior ex for a few weeks...but I missed Ted each day. Then he asked me to call. We talked for a long time like old friends that didn't skip a beat. Then, he asked me to come over. He had thought about me all the time. We both shared how much we love each other, missed each other, and that we couldn't let what we had together slip away, since we had so much to offer one another, and what we had was special. Though, he also said he couldn't get over how I looked at him one time...like I hated his guts. I clarified, and ask, "how do I look at him now?" And he replies, "differently." He knows I've gained much perspective, and that I love him. He loves me very much as well. He also stressed that I was making a bad decision getting back together with my ex. I know it was, and ended it.

 

He always wants me to be in his life. Yet, when I recently told him that I ended things with the other guy, he then said, quite the opposite, and said, "make it work." We have plans to talk to each other tonight. I will ask him why he said that.

 

When we first broke up, I was ready to move on, but we kept going on dates, seeing how things went. Months later, we've worked through many issues with communication and honesty, with a month break just recently.

 

While he is starting to realize as we talk that the only problem we had was the residual baggage which is no longer the issue anymore, he is not open to having a relationship with anyone right now.

 

Does anyone think that we stand a chance in moving forward and reconciling? We're both in our early 30s.

[hopelessincan]

hey tattoo..Im confused. Is Ted the one you were comparing to my story a while ago, or is he someone new?

[tattoobunnie]

Nah...same guy...just decided to throw in the name Ted. Give the full skinny...not the tid-bits.

 

Same guy...different day...hahha

[LoveSoDeep]

I think there's always a chance for reconciliation...but it does sound like he has at least reserved that option in his mind....but he wasn't ready for it just a few weeks ago and quite possibly isn't ready for it yet. Getting over all your respective baggage will take time and if you can't keep your hands off each other and don't want a FWB situation then it may be best if you talk things through with him and let him know where you're at and what you want and then agree to LC with no alone time (so if you see each other i'ts dinner in a public place or something) so you won't be tempted to cross the line until you both get things figured out but you can still be friends and work on making it more.

[coyote1980]

"Does anyone think that we stand a chance in moving forward and reconciling? We're both in our early 30s."

 

I say anything is possible if both of you put lots of effort into this relationship and both really want it. I decided to leave a comment because you guys are both early 30s, and I assume you guys pretty much already know what you want in life and have an ability to work things out in a mature manner.

 

Good luck and let us know how things go

[tattoobunnie]

So far, he hasn't stated he is ready. I can accept that. The more I write though, the more I'm ready to just set aside things, and do some detoxing relationship-wise.

 

I just feel like I'm so close at getting what I want.

[shivss1121]

you will never know unless your try compeletly, I think your asking if its worth taking another chance?

 

sometimes two people want things to work out so badly, unfortunately with all the bagggage its just may not be the right time

[tattoobunnie]

Mmm...that's what I'm concerned about. That it just simply is...the wrong time. I can try, but it's like beating a dead horse.

 

I tossed out my security blanket. The previous ex, even though he promised me a home, a lovely lifestyle, and devotion...I didn't want it with him...

 

I'm starting to look at things this way. Regardless if he loves me, wants me, thinks I'm the greatest...If Ted wanted to be with me, he would be.

[LoveSoDeep]

I'm starting to look at things this way. Regardless if he loves me, wants me, thinks I'm the greatest...If Ted wanted to be with me, he would be.

 

Exactly! And he has made some effort to contact you and be in your life. Let him ahve some time to be single and think about it and if he does want to be with you he will come back.

[tattoobunnie]

He tells me last night, that while he’s not seeing or dating this one girl, they’ve been hanging out for the past few weeks. I was trying to treat the situation like things were done, but he keeps telling me that one day there may be a chance, that he doesn’t want to let me go, he wants to be my friend. That while the girl was cool, it might not turn into anything, that he and I met at the wrong time. Though, I was acting like a whiny baby, he said, “when you told me about your situation with your ex last week, even though I mocked it, I wished you well. Yet you tell me it’s not okay for me to do the same thing…” (or something like that)

 

He tells me that he still couldn’t get over the fight we had in at the end of this one trip we took. That it gave him flashbacks of the trip he took with his ex, and how horrible it was. That he lost respect for me for considering getting back together with my ex.

 

Anyway, he knows I love him, and want to be with him. My go to move is flee and disappear. What do I do now? I feel like if I run, I’m just ruining any chance with him.

[tattoobunnie]

And when I did ask him on Thursday if he was dating anyone, he said no. I asked him about that last night, and it wasn't anything then.

 

I make dumb mistakes...may be I just don't deserve him.

[actzipild]

He's keeping you on the side in case this new girl does not work. Cut him loose, let him see what missing you is. My 2cents.

[tattoobunnie]

I just spoke to my assistant outside, and you have a great point!!!! He doesn't want me to move on!