What's going on, and where do I go from here?????

[shadowboxer791607306452]

As I'm typing this, I'm sitting at home alone trying to dry up some tears. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and it seems as though times have been getting really tough lately-- to the point that I am wondering if I would be better off alone.

 

Tonight, he is out with his friends at some club. I feel as though I have to beg him to go out to a club with me on the rare occaisions that we do go, and even then he will act sour and tired the time that we are out. We have no activities that we can share in, despite my efforts to try things out and see if we can't find something we both enjoy doing. I feel as though I really am trying, but he doesn't want to go out with me or do things with me. It really bothers me that if his friends ask him to go clubbing, he will jump at the chance (like tonight) and go often, whereas I have to ask him at least a week ahead of time and really talk him into it.

 

We've had more issues that I can post here, and I'm sorry if this post seems really scatter-brained. I just feel so angry at myself and I can't stop crying and I just need to let this out. I don't believe I'm anything to be ashamed of and I am a good person-- why won't he take me out? It's really starting to make me feel worthless and pathetic. I wish I had the guts to end it for good and not look back, but I can't seem to even get that right.

[shadowboxer791607306452]

Sorry to post a reply to my own post, but I forgot one important question:

when does the pain of being alone become a better choice than the pain you experience in a relationship? At times like this I wish I never had a heart....

[SwingFox]

Hi Shadowboxer,

 

First of all welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for coming to us for seeking advice. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a difficult time right now. I understand your pain, hurt and confustion.

 

I live by a rule in life, that says: "The only obligation YOU have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOU cannot make someone else happy."

 

Knowing this, I would advice you that you start to talk to your boyfriend. I would let him know how you feel and that what he is doing doesn't make you feel right. That should resolve something, because if it doesn't, it might be better to go your separate ways.

 

I hope that whatever makes you happy, makes you feel better, too. I think it does. Regardless what you decide you will feel better, because you will be left with a less tense situation.

 

I wish you good luck on what you decide.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[Roadmind]

Hi shadowboxer,

 

This relationship is not on an even or equal footing. Something is going on where you are not equal partners. Does he lean on you for support at times, or want you to take care of him like a mother? He sounds like he is not ready for a real relationship, yet you call him your boyfriend. He is not seeing you as his girlfriend, there is more going on to this.

 

Maturity and love have to do with wanting the best for the other partner. It does look like you are shadowboxing in a very lonely relationship where you do not get what you need out of it.

 

Has this been the pattern with past boyfriends? It is time you start doing for you and what makes you happy. Look for support from your girlfriends during this difficult time. I wish you the best of luck.