getting back together with a person who is depressed

[shivss1121]

I dated a girl in college briefly, it ended because I choose too. We ran into each other about six months ago, since then we talked almost five six hours a night texted constantly back and forth throughout the day. One night we went out and became physical and our relationship elevated from simple dating to more, this was at the beginning of our courtship. I soon realized that she was growing more distant and troubled.

 

A bit about her past this will be relevant soon.

Her father committed suicide, and her former manager that she had fallen in love with, a love that she never professed and never intended too, began to sexually assault her never raping her but berating and exerting himself and his will upon her. Of her two serious relationships one was clingy and as she classified it a stalker. The other was nonresponsive and was rarely concerned with her. Now she is clinically depressed

 

I assumed she was being distant because she was experience a low in her clinical depression; she was shutting down and was visibly detached and withdrawn. I was upset that she didn’t reciprocate my feelings and it was beginning to wear on me. The night that I mentioned it I asked her if she would rather just be friends with me, (I had felt this is how she felt and couldn’t bring herself to say it) she agreed.

 

Her reasoning is something that I cannot understand; she told me that she felt dead inside; almost numb that she couldn’t care about anything or anyone because she just didn’t have it herself too. I feel that she was trying to convey to me that she did not have the energy for a relationship. She told me that she just wanted to be friends and that was because that was all that she could bring herself to give. That when and if she is pass this emptiness in her life maybe we could work. But she would rather stay friends, and if it worked then it worked. But not to stay her friend because I wanted something more to come of us, not to stay friends unless I could separate my feelings for her. She was very adamant about not wanting to stay friends if I was going to guilt her and constantly want to stay with her as her previous boyfriends had done constantly. She knew that my outlook has always been that once it’s over, to just let it be over and completely cut the person out of my life and act as if they never existed. She thinks that when you care about someone, you will do what’s best for them because your care about them. Meaning that if all she wants to be is friends then I would stay and be her friend because when you care about someone you would like to see them happy even if it wasn’t what you would want.

 

All I know is that I want her back, I would do NC or even maybe partial NC but the problem that ways with me heavily is that she is clinically depressed and is in a very low point emotionally. Will it bring her back or push her farther. Maybe if I had just been relaxed about us she wouldn’t have felt the need to crap or get off the pot.

 

In either event what is the best way about getting her back?

 

Fyi. I said I told her that I care enough about her to be there for her and if after all this it works us then it does if it doesn’t then it doesn’t that I will not stay around to be her friend in the chance that she will come back.

 

 

 

 

wheeew!! that was long

[createchange]

ouch we are in the same boat.

have you gotten any advice from anyone close to her or both of you?

also how long have you two been together for? that can play a role in the situation.. at least i think so.

[minou]

Being clinically depressed is agonizing. She can't see clearly right now. If you really love this person, you need to respect that she is going through an illness that is very painful. Unless it is too painful for you, the most loving thing you can do is respect her wish to just be friends right now. She just doesn't sound like she has the energy for more at this time. She is telling you so. Don't be too pushy. It won't help the situation. Is she in treatment?

[createchange]

so being friends would be a good thing right now?

[shivss1121]

shes not in treatment, ironically i was planning on sitting her down and discussing treatment options and alternatives a day or two after she ended it. I never got the opportunity.

 

I think if you care about him, your going to have to be friends with him.