No reply from Ex this time, very confused...

[Girl wants EX]

Hi, thank you in advance for reading my thread.

 

Here is my story: after 2 months NC, I sent an email saying hello to my EX also gave him my news.

He replied me, I then sent him the 2nd email, no more reply from him. I am confused about his reaction.

 

A little background here, we only dated for 6-7 weeks about 1 year ago, we kept minimum contact during the past 1 year, he broke up with me but he told me he likes me a lot just not in love with me.

However we met once a month for the first 4 months after our break-up, we always had decent conversations, I felt we both enjoyed the time that we spent together.

 

I am away after June so we never met again, we email to each other from time to time, so we are both aware of each other's status. In November, we kind of had a "fight" in email, he was not friendly, and I was really unhappy, I didn't reply his email, so for the first time, we had 2 months NC.

 

2 weeks ago, I have calmed down a lot and think maybe it was not such a big deal, since it's new year, I thought I could try to pick up our "friendship" as I am going back to the same city in 3 months. I emailed him (about 15 lines) and he replied me (about 12 lines), talking about his recent life, how happy he is about his work, blah blah...his first line was "I'm glad to hear from you", the last line was "I'm very happy to hear from you, I hope we will meet each other".

I found he was much more friendly and he seemed want to keep being friends with me too, so I replied him with another long email simply commented on what he told me in his email.

Then, NO REPLY from him so far....

 

I saw him online on MSN the day after, I messaged him "Happy New Year! " "How was your NYE?"..etc,..... NO REPLY.....

 

I just don't understand why he is sometimes very friendly, sometimes very cold....I don't think his reaction is normal. I don't get it, it's hard to understand this person.

I really hope we can start from being friends, as when we dated, things went too fast between us and we didn't allow enough time for building more connection. Eventhough it didn't work out, every time we met we had a lot to talk about, we are also very sexually attracted to each other, I think the chemistry isn't too bad. I want to be friends with him for the near future, and if we can go further that will be the best, if not, having one more good friend is never a loss in life.

 

We are both single for more than 1 year now, he is Taurus, and I'm Libra, maybe this is related to our compatibility?

[nychika82]

Maybe he wasnt by his computer or it was someone else on his name

[Girl wants EX]

It was him, I'm pretty sure, as he uses a laptop, and it was in the evening when I messaged him on MSN, also he hasn't replied to my 2nd email which was sent to him 1 week ago, in contrast, he replied to my 1st email within 24 hours.

Thanks for your opinion, anyway.

[furiouspsych]

Tough to say why he would say what he said and then not reply to another message...

 

I wouldn't send another. You've reached out enough IMO.

[MikNomis]

In my honest opinion, I just think he doesn't care to talk to you that much. Occasionally maybe, but not frequently. That's how I see it.

[Girl wants EX]

I will not contact him again before he does.

But I want to get some ideas on his reactions.

To me, he is a mentally healthy, very educated, a fairly polite, well-behaved person, I am just so confused...never know how to communicate with him.

[Girl wants EX]

In my honest opinion, I just think he doesn't care to talk to you that much. Occasionally maybe, but not frequently. That's how I see it.

 

Thanks a lot! that will definitely help me to stop thinking about "improving relationship with him", that makes sense to me. This could be so obvious, but I (we) can be blind and become stupid when it comes to "romantic relationships".

[MikNomis]

I agree, and that's when it's most useful to get an outside observer's point of view, because their judgement is usually not affected by emotion like ours might be.

[lavenderdove]

I think he is letting you know that he wants to only be casual friends, not to have a lot of close contact.

 

If he's an ex, he also may worry that you'll take his attention the wrong way... if he doesn't want to date you, he doesn't want to encourage you too much.

 

So I'd take it that he wants to keep his distance and set boundaries... just be a casual friend to you and nothing more (i.e., his feelings haven't changed since he told you he's not in love with you).

[Girl wants EX]

Ok, then maybe I should discuss with you on a new topic:

if he was very attracted by me, and he thought there could be a wonderful relationship with me, now what I can do so that he might have the similar picture in his mind again??

(I know it's hard, but I can't help wonder about this possibility.)

 

Opinions on my previous question are still welcome!

[MikNomis]

The best thing to do would be to try and reset the whole picture. That would be a combination of a good span of time apart, and basically attracting him by remembering how you were as a person, your attitude and swagger right before you first attracted him.