Need advice

[ses]

A month ago, I got an email from a guy who knows someone I knew about 2 years ago. He wanted to relay something to me about a situation, but apparently, the guy had been interested in me and only just now reached out to me. I kind of kept my distance, was nice, and we had a couple interesting conversations through email. After a couple weeks of emailing a handful of times, we talked on the phone. Now the last couple weeks we have been talking every other day, and have a pretty neat rapport going on. What started as a 'friendly exchange morphed into more of romantic interest.

 

Also, I think it's pretty cool that I didn't meet this guy through an online dating site. He just kind of came out of no where!

 

We definitely plan to meet in person, but I'm going out of town so we won't get to meet till right after the new year.

 

Ok, now here's the odd part. In the beginning before he even emailed me, he added me as a friend on facebook. I'm not an active facebooker at all. I have family and friends on there but I don't update my status regularly or comment on ppl's status often. Maybe once every few weeks, I'll log in and make my rounds. I don't have photo albums on there either for ppl to see. I'm a pretty private person in that sense. I have one primary pic and that's it. Anyhow, when I got that random friend request from him, I just ignored it, although the guy looked cute and his profile showed he was a mature guy (there weren't a slew of posts from women, immature posts, etc). After a few days of me ignoring his request since I had no idea who it was, was when he emailed me.

 

Fast forward to earlier this week. Since it's now been a month that we've been talking regularly, I accepted his friend request.

 

Last night he texted me, "I saw your family photos, you guys look so happy. your mom was beautiful. I saw you as a baby. so cute!"

I was in the twilight zone. I haven't even met this guy in person nor do I have photos that are public to friends on my FB. I had a family album a long time back which I have since hidden because I added some clients on my page and just didn't want ppl having access to personal photos of mine. I replied to his text, "Um, really? Those arent public photos. grrr new facebook settings. thanks tho

 

When I got home, I checked my FB, and that album is still only viewable by me!!! I was so confused.

 

Well, it turns out that he clicked on my sister's profile and apparently she has not managed her settings - all of her albums are public now. He looked through all of our personal family pictures.

 

I'm really annoyed by this. I want to be the one to show someone who is new in my life, my family photos. ...someone can get to know me by ME showing them parts of my life. I feel like I've been stalked!

 

He said he wasn't going to tell me at first that he saw them. And that he couldn't resist looking at them when he noticed her photos were public.

 

Ok, fine, but I'm annoyed. Should I tell him I'd really like for him to slow down and let ME share parts of my life with him?? In other words, quit stalking me. lol Or should I completely not let this phase me and forget about it? Maybe I'm reading into it, but I don't want to have an overbearing intrusive guy on my hands.

 

By the way, I talked to my sister this morning and she was pissed that her albums were public and said she thought she had them on private setting viewable by friends only.

 

I'm just not feelin this whole aspect of facebook where it's like you think you can really come to know someone digitally by just stalking them there. But I have to act like it's just normal in this day and age?

[alli]

It's kind of hard to say what type of guy he is since you hardly know him. So lets say he's just a normal guy who uses facebook. He somehow ran accross you, probably through your mutual friend, thought you were cute & added you as a friend. Maybe you popped up on that "people you may know" feature on facebook. You don't use facebook much, but a lot of people do, and it is so easy to run accross EVERYTHING on there. He was probably curious about you, looked at your sister's profile & there's the pics. And in his defense, facebook did change the default settings to make profiles much more public than they were before. It's weird that I can look up someone I'm not friends with & see all their pictures now.

 

On the other hand, maybe he's coming on too strong. I mean, you hardly know him and all the sudden he's there, through someone you haven't had contact with in 2 years! Obviously he was looking for a reason to talk to you, and now he's looking up all these pictures of you.

 

Honestly, him looking up your pictures wouldn't bother me so much as how exactly he gained an interest in you? What was it that he was "relaying" to you? Was it something important, or just an excuse to talk to you? I would probably ask your friend from 2 years ago what he knows about this guy & maybe do a background check on him. If he doesn't have any restraining orders against him or stalking charges he'd probably be okay.

[ses]

...Well, I think he just wanted an excuse to talk to me.

 

Regarding the pictures, I let my sister know that her pics(our fam pics) are public. She was livid, and she went in to confirm her private settings.

 

I'm excited about this new prospect in my life. I'll just go with the flow from here. I do know that he has only been in love once and he doesn't date much. He does not seem like a player who would come on too strong.

 

I guess I'm uptight since this guy came out of no where and is showing interest in me. I suppose it's a really good thing. : ) Maybe he's "the one" hehee

[alli]

...Well, I think he just wanted an excuse to talk to me.

 

Regarding the pictures, I let my sister know that her pics(our fam pics) are public. She was livid, and she went in to confirm her private settings.

 

I'm excited about this new prospect in my life. I'll just go with the flow from here. I do know that he has only been in love once and he doesn't date much. He does not seem like a player who would come on too strong.

 

I guess I'm uptight since this guy came out of no where and is showing interest in me. I suppose it's a really good thing. : ) Maybe he's "the one" hehee

 

Good luck! Hope it goes well for you!

[YakasJourney]

Yea I agree, sharing personal photos is something you do in a relationship, not randomly on facebook. Maybe he just doesn't know this? I'm more interested in how he randomly contacted you out of the blue, and you don't even know each other?

[nondescriptuse]

all the snooping business is no good. that's all i have to say.

[lovetherain]

I think you should ease off him a little. Not everything in life has to be ordered and rationalised. It happened, and if you wanted it to happen another way then I'm sorry but there is nothing you can do. You may risk putting him off if you make a big deal abotu it. A guy can sense if a girl is worried about him 'liking' her too much. Theyre always obsessing over displaying the right amount of interest without giving us the upper hand.

I personally think its a lovely thing to find a guy who is genuine enought to openly admit he is interested in you (even if it is more than you feel back) and finds you this fascinating.

 

Maybe you will work out, maybe you wont. Leave everything other than yourselves out of it for now(no facebook, no family) and just enjoy getting to know him.