In love with someone, but she doesn't feel the same way???

[whitefang]

For quite a few months way before christmas last year i have been in love with this girl at my college and we became friends and we gradually got closer but not that close. I guess the reason that i liked her so much was because she had everything that i was looking for in my dream girl, everything that i wasn't. She's the out-going type, loves football and very active and head strong and knows what she wants type of girl where as i am shy, quitet (most times) and rather boring. I really feel like she's the one that i'm meant to be with but unfortuntly she's not. Well she made this clear by stringing me along, playing with my mind, lying and braking promises. For the last month or so i've tried freezing her out but after 2 weeks i couldn't keep it up im so in love with her . She's the one that forced me in some ways to do the leg waxing for the charity im putty in her hands when she wants something . I don't want to be but as i said i love her so much, i don't understand why when she's been some cruel too me. I've tried so hard not too think about her but it's so hard when i see her every day without fail. When i see it's kinda puts an akward pressure on me and im sure she feels the same. Deep down, i feel that she's just the same as me that there's a sweet, shy, innocent little girl or that what im kidding myself because i want a gf. It's got too the point where i don't know what to do, who to believe anymore... maybe im living in a fantsy where im wishing that everything is going right when it isn't im so confused at the moment im just lucky that it's not affecting my college assignments (yet...). She's been acting like my friend again lately and i'm just finding it akward, im playing along for now but it's really killing me inside .

 

I'm very confused at the moment and don't know what too do and my friends aren't much of a help .

 

Advice anyone please,

 

Thanks.

 

- whitefang

[goodquestion]

You know this is coming man ... CUT HER OFF NOW!! Work on yourself, and forget about her ... you admit she is stringing you along ... she does not deserve your devotion, and she doesn't respect you ... believe me man, I know what ur going through, been there myself back in december ... do not treat her special, be confident, and do not let her phase you ... move on ... she's using you, and you don't deserve this, find a chick that is gonna treat you right ... there's more than one out there, if there wasn't, everyone would be broken hearted ...

 

the band Mr. Big wrote a song that basically talks about a guy & girl, and the guy says he loves her, but she's too hard to hold ... meaning she hurts him everytime he opens up to her, this is what this chick is doing to you ... good luck, be strong ...

 

l8r

[whitefang]

Hi goodquestion,

 

Thanks for replying to my post, i know what she's doing to me and that she doesn't deserve to be friends with me but i care so much for her despite what she's done i know it sounds odd but i just feel that there is a part of her there that i can change. I really want to be with her, she knows this and i've freezed her out before but then i just feel uncomfortable seeing her and then when she talks to me i can't say anything back. I just wish that she would drop the act that's she's been putting on for so long, it's almost as if im the only one that can really see through her act of being all tough and little miss active and popular. I just don't know what to do anymore because when i see girls out and about that i like her name and face pops up and then it's almost like every girl that comes accorss im comparing them with her and they don't compare. God i lead a complicated life for myself, i wish things happened to me alot easier but then where would the fun be in that.

 

- whitefang

[dikaia880]

Tough situation...I've been there a couple times, unfortunately...

 

I think that you need to somehow cut her out as much as possible...

If she has been doing all this to you thats bull...you, nor anybody, deserves to be toyed with...I think there are girls out there that know their popular and that they can get away with it...As tough as it is, esp. with feeling for her the way you do, I think you need to be somewhat cruel to this girl...cut her down a notch so to speak...make her realise that she's not better than anyone else and she doesn't have the right to toy with you or any other guy...Unfortunately i don't know how you would do this other than flat out ignoring her...sorry I know thats not much of a help...

 

I've been following your story for awhile now and I feel really bad for you and anyone else going through it...I'm sort of in the same position w/ a few twists and it's no fun...Best of Luck and congrats on becoming a moderator!

[whitefang]

Hi dikaia880,

 

Thanks for replying, i know it's hard situation. As much as i want to cut her off i can't because we see each other at college every day and it's harder again when she knows your friends. You see her friends will be leaving soon and she's staying on at the college to do a higher course but in the same sort of things as what i do, so she's being really chummy with my friends trying to win them over and it's working. I can't really do anything about that because i can't tell my friends who they can be friends with. Somtime i just wish she would wake up and see that there's someone worth while wanting to be with her but it's not going to happen... EVER!!!

 

Thanks for the advice thought but it's really doing my head in. Oh and thanks for the congratulations very much appreciate it

 

- whitefang

[dikaia880]

yeah, I know it's hard...but just try to realise that your better than her...you wouldn't do that to someone, so why be friends with someone that would? there are people I see everyday that I'm not friends with...just give it sometime and try to keep that level head that I know you have and it will work out somehow...

Best of luck!

[goodquestion]

once you turn the tables, you will really see this in another light ... for example, I have to drop something off to an old interest of mine, and she suggested we hang out ... well, I'm just totally vague with her, like "will see", "don't know when I'm getting there", etc, etc ... told her to leave her cell on, and I'd call when I was passing through ... when I get there, I'll only stay max 15 minutes, then head to my brothers ... why? because why should I give my attention to a chick that really doesn't appreciate it, or doesn't show that she does ... my cardinal rule of thumb, I don't hang with other guy's gf's, especially when I am not friends with the guy ...

 

l8r

[futureMD]

Let me in on a situation that I was brutaly put through a couple of months ago. Your story reminded me of a post that i submitted a couple of months ago. There was this girl (i had been friends with her brother for about 3 year) and we always got in arguments and yelled at eachother. well one day she called me up and asked if i wanted to go to a movie and i said of course! i was sooo excited and the movie went great. By this time i was extremely interested in her and i wanted to go on another date. Well this girl had other plans for her life, she started going to parties getting drunk and sleeping at other guys houses without her parents knowing and she was living a lie basically. so by now i wascompletely out of the picture for her. i would go over to her house and she wouldn't say a word to me. So i decided that the only thing to do was separate. I spent an entire 2 weeks not even answering any of her texts, phone calls, or e-mails. She was so pissed! she thought she had me on some kind of lease and she actually apologized for being so rude. My advice to you is that you isolate yourself from her completely. Don't let her play you like a deck of cards. Instead of talking to her talk to other girls (though it may be hard) and she'll come around. Once she doesn't have "ALL" of the attention on her, she'll try anything to get it back, once it's back... she's putty in your hands.

 

 

Just a follow up my recent post, i told you about the girl that ignored me... I isolated myself for about 2 weeks and she ended up calling me and wanting to go do something later that week. It may be hard but in the longrun spending a week or too apart might bring her around in the future, trust me. She'll be back. Am I wrong Guys?

[bexcelant]

Whitefang dude...you're a Moderator!!! Doctor, heal thyself LOL. Seriously, I know you go through the same stuff as the rest of us. I'm gonna put on my advisor's hat and advise away.

 

You're acting like mush...girls and guys hate mush. They want a guy who is funny cocky and overall fun to be with and says no to them when the time is right. Recently, I think I set a chain of events in action that eventually led to her calling me back and going to dinner with me. I was basically getting treated like crap and felt that I was being taken for granted. I got mad and told her to forget about it and left. Later she said her bf acted that way demanding her time. SO...I told her look I'm your friend first. Beyond that we'd have to talk about it. Right now you have a lot to deal with your boyfriend and his demands on your time and obviously you are a busy woman. You have plenty to deal with relationship issues without hearing that kind of stuff from me. I'm not going to get between the two of you. I'm sure that if and when you want to get together with me...you'll let me know...then I let her go again. No contact for an entire month. During that month..she broke up with her bf and just this week called me up and asked me to go to dinner with her. Is that cool or what???

 

So..my advice to you Whitefang..is grow some big brass ones and do what has to be done. She'll really respect you for it

[lone_lee5]

Hello,

 

You know what my situation is basically the same as yours. Well let me explain it. I am in love with this girl and she couldn't give a flying f*#k about me. I think that you should try and find some one else that will at least take your mind off of half of the situation. I know that it's hard because I am in the same amount of pain as you are right now but just try looking for someone else. Also you know what I found works is ignoring the crap out of them.

[tapes]

hey there

 

whats happened is i was going out with this girl for about 2 1/2 years and from the moment i saw her i new i was i love with this girl then just after christmas this year i don't know what happen things started to go down hill then on my birthday she touck me out for a meal and we went for a walk under the moonlight and she told me she did't love me anymore and that she's been feeling like this for some time now i know it not here falt about the way she feel's but it's been over 4 months and i'm still completey in love with this girl and i don't know what to do anymore i cant stop thinking about her

 

thanks for reading

[history_schmistory]

It appears as if she's winning over your friends and by now may have won them over already. I certainly know how you feel, I've been there myself. I have found, that channeling my feelings into a constructive hobby helps to some extent and yes, you should cut her off as much as possible. If your friends are really your friends, they'll find out about her soon enough. Unless they're really shallow or dense of course. I know what it's like to be lonely and then to meet someone who you think is special. But after the way she's treated you, she's not the one for you. You sound like a nice, sensitive guy, you deserve far better than a girl who's going to treat you in a shoddy fashion, even if on the surface she appears to have it all. The fact is, that you've invested alot emotionally into her and it sounds like she hasn't done the same. You really need to convince yourself that you can better and eventually you will. I'm sure you have alot of feelings that you hate, like jealousy, and sadness, anxiousness, suspicion, etc, but by forcing yourself to focus attention elsewhere, they will fade, even if slowly. Also, I don't know anything about your eating or excercise habits, but if they can be improved, I would do so, you might be amazed at how a healthier body can affect your thinking. Warm Regards, I know you can do it.