SweetGemini Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 I am in a serious relationship with a man who lives in another city, we are both deeply madly in love! We visit each other every month, and talk on the phone EVERY night! We want to get married! But he is also a man of traditions and wants to do things the right way. When I finish college he wants me to move to his city and rent my own place and work there, he said that he will always be there for me but he will be staying at his house until he saves money for the wedding and a house so we can move in together when we get married... He has a VERY good job and earns a really good living, he even suggested helping me buy a car which i of course rejected because i want to show him that i can be an independent person... But the thing is, if i do this move, renting my own place, buying a car, i wont be able to save money!! It would be just enough to get by... Whereas where i am now, family home, i only waste my money on shopping for myself!! because my parents take care of all the bills... see i want to be near him, and i understand why he wants me to move there because thats where we are planning to live when we get married, and he has a well established job there, and i know he will take good care of me... but after talking to my mother, she thinks it would be a better idea if we just keep our long distance relationship until we get married, that way i dont seem like the one "chasing" him, and that would make him hurry up!?? hmm i hope u guys understand what i am saying, thanks in advance for any feedback on this topic!! Link to comment
Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 lol ur mom sounds a bit more into her interests (course she wouldn't want you to move out)."yea just keep your long distance relationship till you get married" it's more like "yea I know they're hard and usually don't work out so hopefully u'll break up with him soon..." I mean it sounds kinda wrong what you said about making it sound like ur chasing him. So what if ur chasing him? dont' you love this guy?!?! Do you just want all the attention and make him come after you or something? Perhaps you're just not ready for a serious relationship yet, sounds like you want to be more independent with paying your own bills, supporting yourself etc etc. It's not a bad thing at all, we all want some independence at stages in our lives. Just talk to him about it, he'll understand. Heb Link to comment
SweetGemini Posted May 10, 2004 Author Share Posted May 10, 2004 Hey heb, Yes he is worth it!! We are madly deeply in love! and i know he only wants whats best for both of us, and he is the one that suggested this and promised he WOULD make it up for me and i know he will. Because he is a MAN of his word. I know if i sacrifice some things for him now for the name of love and happiness, he would more than make it up for me... He has me on a pedestal and treats me like a PRINCESS!! And i understand his situation, we both know that he can earn a better living where he is rather than moving where i am... so i totally understand his point of view... and I am ready for this change in my life! Link to comment
Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Then do what you think is best... Going away has consequences too as you no doubt would expect. But if it's not too far then it's allright. However if it's a long distance then what about your friends, family? job etc etc? I know he says he can support you and all but unless it's exactly what you want, you should probably wait till you get married before risking it all. Heb Link to comment
hollyrenee Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 Been there. I was in a long, long, LONG distance relationship.... 3 years now. I lived in California, he in Connecticut. We talked on the phone every single night, and visited each other every 8 months or so. Finally we decided it was time to take the next step, or quit wasting time and end it all together. Since he is NOT going to be moving to your city (it sounds like he has ties to it... house? family? job? etc) YOU need to decide... is it worth it to you? Move and be with this guy or end it all? Weigh the pros and cons. Worst comes to worst, you can always move back home if it's not working out. Fortunately for me, 7 months AFTER the move accross the country, things are going well. Yes, I have no money. Yes, I need a new car but can't afford it. But considering my alternative was to end this wonderful, loving relationship i was in, it's worth it. A little word of warning: IT IS NOT EASY. The first three months are EXTREMELY HARD. I spent every night in tears because i missed home so much. I guess for you, you just need to think about it... weigh your alternatives. Like I said, worst comes to worst, you can always move home. Life is too short! Live it up now Good luck! Link to comment
SweetGemini Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 Thanks Holly, Well we only live 3 hr by plane far apart We promised to visit each other every month until the end of the year when i finish college, and things are going great! I know im gonna miss my family but i know they will always be there for me when i need them... Its easier for me to move there because my job is very flexible, whereas he has a very stable job and said he made big plans for us!! Link to comment
bri Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 How long have you known the guy? Why not marry right after you leave collage if you are both so much in love? His offer sounds a bit strange for me... It sounds as if he had a wife down there and would only like to keep you as his mistress... If I were you I would first move in to him for vacation. at least for a month so that you would get to meet his family and friends. Otherwise, in my opinion, you can't know if anything he ever said to you was truth. If he is a decent man who thinks seriously of you he will understand that and make it possible to you. Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 Wow Bri...thats a bit skeptical... Gem...It sounds to me like you really love him...how long have you two been together? How much time spent together in the same town? Eventually after college you need to get out on your own away from your parents anyways...The way I see it no bad can really come from moving, he has a good job and sounds like he'd be more than willing/able to help you out when money gets low...It's a tough thing to move far away after college...I've been in my city now for about 10 months and I hate it (smaller town boy in the big city, doesn't work for me.) If the situation doesn't work out then it doesn't and you can always move again...I say if your sure about this guy, the way it sounds you are, then whats there to lose? If you want to be skeptical like Bri, ask yourself this, when you went to visit him is there any doubt that he is faithful to you? I doubt he's already married or cheating on you if he's talking marriage and all that...I respect that he doesn't want you to move in until marriage... Best of luck, I know it's a tough decision, but sometimes you gotta let your heart lead and live for love!!! Link to comment
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