His mom doesn't like me!

[Asmokraemer]

We've been together for a year and a half and are going through lots of our own individual problems that I think his mom thinks would go away if we weren't together. This isn't true. For some reason, she thinks he would be better off without me and talks badly behind my back to him. She even compared me to his younger brother's girlfriend! I'm totally different from her in almost every day and I think she wants my bf to have a girl like his brother's.

 

Anyway, there is a lot more to this story, but I would rather not go into the details about it. We love each other and are happy together. She thinks I'm childish and loud (when we're together, we both are. It's just part of "us") and other things. She freaked out at my facebook status one day, when I said "I hate people". I guess she told my bf "How can she hate people? That's not normal!"

 

I still really want to be with him but I don't think there really is anything I can do, short of changing everything about me, to get her to really like and accept me. I feel like she barely tolerates me right now. I really want to be friends/get along with her but everything about me that people usually like, she seems to not like.

Any suggestions?

[Sanesoul]

Mothers can be hard. You are with her son, not her, and he wants to be. I think your boyfriend needs to stand up to her about you, but if he won't then you'll just have to deal with that.

 

Just be the best girlfriend you can possibly be to him, and hopefully someday down the road she'll come around. He's her baby and she wants to protect him. Unfortunately, sometimes the mother doesn't know what's best.

[last-longer]

May be try to build a better relationship with her mother? just a suggestion

[catfeeder]

First thing that stands out for me is how you know all of these unflattering things BF's Mom has said about you.

 

If you've been asking BF to report on his Mom, stop doing that. If BF has been volunteering this info, then he's stirring the pot, and your problem may be less with his mother than with him.

 

I'd start by telling BF not to tell you anything about his mother unless it's kind. The rest is between him and her. All that's required of you is that you be charming whenever you see her. Aside from that, I'd either remove her from your FB or stop using it to make any comments you wouldn't want her to read.

 

The only good way 'in' to someone else's family is to play stupid and cheerful. Anything more demanding than that is asking for trouble, and anything more intrusive than that will start a war you can never win.

 

In your corner.

[Asmokraemer]

He used to tell me when I asked him what his parents thought of me. I always had this feeling I wouldn't get along with his mom. I didn't have a specific reason, I could just feel it, so I wanted to know. He told me when his younger brother started dating his gf that the family didn't like her in the beginning but soon realized that she was a very nice girl. I didn't worry too much then because I figured they'd come around. I have since told him to stop because it hurts too much to know.

 

The majority of her problems with me stem from our break we had during the holidays last year. I grew up in a very abusive household and being with him (he's not abusive at all) triggered me constantly because I didn't know how to function in a healthy relationship. I entered therapy then and am still in it. I took a break because I needed to be able to mentally separate my bf from my abusive father. (I want to point out here that it was suggested to me to sit down and talk to his parents and explain my problems. I did not because I felt they wouldn't understand and at the time, I just wasn't ready. I plan to do this in the near future.)

 

Anyway, I still have problems and am working diligently on him. Apparently, she thinks that I'm never going to change, never going to get better and that my mood swings (which happen and sometimes I snap at him) are going to cause him no end of grief down the line. So she points out or tries to point out all my flaws to get him to see that I'm just not the one. I also think a lot of her problems with me are reflections on her parents' problems with me. Nothing I can really do about that. I'm going up north with them for Christmas so maybe I can get on the gram's good side.

 

I guess..I would just like to know if anyone has any suggestions.