Talk some sense into me

[baker53]

Today has been a rough day for me. This is what happened with my ex and I today:

 

She says that she is going to give me my $20 back because she does not want me to give her pity money I just feel like NC is not going to work for me. I feel like she is just really mad at me and that I need to be there for her as a friend and work my way back to hanging our regularly with her. I feel like by going NC that I am letting her go and I do not want to take that risk. Can someone please give me some advise on what to do next.

[Citlali]

You can't be there for someone who doesn't want you there. And you can't risk losing someone who has already walked away from you. She let you go. In any case, NC shouldn't be about getting an ex to notice you; it should be precisely about letting the other person go. I know after three years you still care about her and have feelings for her, but she is not your responsibility. In any case, you can't force help on someone. The person has to want it. If she told you she doesn't "feel a spark" anymore and basically goes about her own life regardless of what you do, then it is best for you to do the same. Focus on healing yourself, working on your own shortcomings, etc. so that you can grow as a person from this experience. Nothing will be gained if you waste your time wondering what she may mean by saying such things to you. It will only cause you more confusion to try and decipher what she may mean. I suggest that you go NC and start focusing on your own life and healing. Best of luck.

[surfmd]

I agree with JennBarr. I have been in this situation and you need to focus on yourself. If you really care about her and love her you will give her what she wants. This will show her far more than any begging, pleading, or trying to stay in her life. Give her what she wants, she won't forget what you've done for her. If you try to stay in her life for your own needs and wants she will be able to sense out your false hopes. truly let go and take time for yourself. By giving her space and freedom she will always remember you in a good light and leave the opportunity open for reconciliation in the future.

[baker53]

I try to let go but I ultimately want her back. The last time we broke up she said that she wanted to pretty much go NC. We talked a little bit and I started seeing another girl. She knew this and we started hanging out, but only as friends. I think she knew I wanted more but I told her I didn't and we remained hanging out as friends about once a week. After about a month we got back together. She later told me that if I would not have kept contacting her that we probably would have not gotten back together.

 

So I feel like I need to do somewhat of the same thing as last time if I want to get her back. What do you'll think?

[jimmajam]

I try to let go but I ultimately want her back. The last time we broke up she said that she wanted to pretty much go NC. We talked a little bit and I started seeing another girl. She knew this and we started hanging out, but only as friends. I think she knew I wanted more but I told her I didn't and we remained hanging out as friends about once a week. After about a month we got back together. She later told me that if I would not have kept contacting her that we probably would have not gotten back together.

 

So I feel like I need to do somewhat of the same thing as last time if I want to get her back. What do you'll think?

 

If that's true, what does that say about your relationship? If you stop talking to her and she doesn't EVER reach out I think that speaks volumes. You shouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you just as bad. I think it's best for now to just go NC...and I'm not a hardcore NC advocate.

 

Through no contact you'll be able to see things in a more clear manner and will realize a lot of stuff about yourself, her and the relationship. Once you're able to do this then is the time to talk to her again, if you even want to then.

 

Sorry to hear about the money thing. Like I said on the other thread it was a nice gesture for almost anyone BUT an ex. After break ups people just aren't the same. It doesn't mean it'll always be this way and that is why it's nice to do a period of no contact to get your head back on straight. Hopefully by the time you're ready she has also done a lot of thinking and changing and you'll both be in a better place to discuss the future if there is any.

[baker53]

A couple of days ago I told a girl in my class that I would help her study. This morning she posted on my facebook wall how she will see me later today. It just so happens that my ex sent me 4 text messages in a span of three minutes while I was studying with this girl in the library. They all said the same thing and were asking if I could give her back something, but it was a pointless object that she shouldn't want in the first place. When I got those I thought she was at my apartment taking her stuff away since today she had free time to do it. However when I came home tonight all of her stuff was still here.

 

Do you think that she saw the wall post on facebook and got jealous? I ask because when we were together we would always eat at the time I was helping that girl study. I know my ex didn't have class at that time and she would usually spend her free time in the library. I didn't text her back, what does this mean, and how should I act tomorrow when I see her?

[petnames]

"Do you think that she saw the wall post on facebook and got jealous"

 

Yes. She did. That is obvious. But being jealous may not mean anything more than losing a claim on someone. Either way, it's a good thing if you want to get back together. As long as you are not using the other girl to make your ex jealous, the fact that she got jealous isn't a bad thing right? Act like she didn't text you at all. (I know I am not credible, can't take my own advice blah blah blah. Sorry, all valid points.)

 

I have noticed that the biggest responses I have gotten out of my ex have been when I talk about being around other girls unintentionally (I am not hard to read when, my motives are usually transparent, hence me trying to be as honest as possible all the time, easier than everyone knowing I am lying). If it casually comes up that I was with another girl, she immediately perks up if she is around. And I do not think she has any intention of getting back together. Yet I hope haha