Just need to Vent, this really stung.

[bebeblondie]

Ok, so I was seeing this guy over the summer, we had a bit of a strange relationship we only spoke through text. Anyway in the begininng we were seeing each other quite often but then after a month we were seeing each other about once every two weeks, I pulled back on initiating texts with him cause I had a feeling he was pulling back, but he still kept initiating texts when he wouldn't here from me in a couple of days. He offered to see me one night, I couldn't because I was busy so I asked if we could see each other that weekend, he said ok. The weekend came and I never heard from him...I texted him and told him to lose my number and that I was done with the game playing. Didn't hear from him until a week later in which he sent a 3 page text apologizing and blaming everything on his job. At the end of the text he said "I guess just not where I'm at this time". I never answered.

 

 

 

So last night I was on a dating site and saw that he just put a profle up saying that he's looking for a long term relationship and the title of his page is "looking for the final piece". That really stung because it made me think that he was probably looking for something long term while we were seeing each other...but he just didn't see any long term potential in me. I've been pretty down about all this because I really liked him and did want to be in a relationship with him, but just felt like he didn't want to be in one with me. Just for the record we never had any discussions about where this was going.

 

 

 

I guess I just had to vent. Thanks.

[ackerman]

ah i know how this feels, hurts alot and can bring down your self esteem. what some people write on a profile doesnt necessarily mean anything. he could just be putting that to reel in possible dates, i would avoid reading his profile tho, it'll get you down. stay strong

[abitbroken]

I don't want to come accross as insensitive, but if I were a guy, I wouldn't see any long term potential in a girl that stopped communicating with me because she decided that I wasn't as communicating as much, and then told me to lose her number. You said he was still initiating texts when he didn't hear from you. It sounded like you were almost punishing him for not contacing you as much as he liked. It really sounds like you were the one playing games. If I asked someone to get together, and they said no, and suggested another time but nothing specific, I would wait for them to call me.

 

I really think that he thought you weren't that interested in him, so you cannot blame him for not "choosing you" for a long term relationship. I also think long term relationships are not something that you are suddenly in. It takes time to establish a good foundation.

 

I understand what you are saying about the 3 page lettter. Well...maybe he thought you weren't at the same place right now if you told him to lose your number. And you didn't respond to his letter - maybe it WAS work. What if they had him working over time all weekend? I am not blaming you, but there are two sides to every story.

I am sorry you feel slighted by him looking for a relationship, but he deserves someone who will give him a break and you deserve someone that will be more what you are looking for too.

[camarina]

Did you really like him or who you thought he might be? I think sometimes we mourn the loss of what we think could have been more than what actually was.

 

You can do better than that guy.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting right now.

 

cami

[bebeblondie]

Yea part of me can't help but feel like I might've messed things up

[camarina]

You didn't mess anything up!

 

Why were you only communicating via text?

[bebeblondie]

You didn't mess anything up!

 

Why were you only communicating via text?

 

He told me early on he wasn't a phone person, which I was ok with in the beginning but towards the end it started to bug me.

[camarina]

He sounds like a creep. I think you are much better off without him.

[bebeblondie]

He sounds like a creep. I think you are much better off without him.

 

Yea I guess, but at the risk of sounding juvenille I just can't help but think what was wrong with me, that he didn't want me?

 

I mean he wasn't exactly the player type and not the type of guy who attracted lots of girls.

[bochen181]

Yea I guess, but at the risk of sounding juvenille I just can't help but think what was wrong with me, that he didn't want me?

 

I mean he wasn't exactly the player type and not the type of guy who attracted lots of girls.

 

Maybe it's already too late to salvage the situation, or maybe not.. Why don't you send him a three page letter explaining the whole situation? At this point what else do you have to lose other than your pride?

[BriarRose]

I don't know, the fact that he sent a 3-page text is somewhat poignant. He def had feelings for you.

[bebeblondie]

I don't know, the fact that he sent a 3-page text is somewhat poignant. He def had feelings for you.

 

But a week later?? Just seemed to me like he couldn't have been that concerned sending a message a week later.

[BriarRose]

But a week later?? Just seemed to me like he couldn't have been that concerned sending a message a week later.

..

I understand, and usually will write someone off after not hearing from them for a week. And if he just texted, "hey, what's up?" that would be one thing. But that 3 page apology was a different situation, IMO.

[Rosee]

The fact is you had plans and he blew you off and obviously didn't bother to cancel or anything so I don't think you are missing out on much if he couldn't demonstrate basic courtesy. The fact that he sent that silly text doesn't mean much. Actions not words remember. I don't think you did anything wrong.

[chocolate_86]

you know you sound a bit like me.

 

i saw a guy throughout summer.we only ever really spoke thru text messaging.he wanted to see me all the time and wanted a long term relationship.told me he could see himself being with me for a while. then when i made it clear i like him too,he backed right off.not so many text anymore.at least until he wanted sex. he texted me for months on end wanting sex and everytime i told him no.in the end he cut contact and won't talk to me anymore.he played the "who is this?" card.from then i deleted his number and haven't spoken to him for 5 months. i just want you to know you are not the only one..guys can be harsh.i still have some love for him.i think about him everyday,and it is very hard to move on.sometimes i feel like i wasn't good enough for him,even though people tell me how gorgeous i am and what an idiot he is. some days i just want to cry.so im sorry for you and what you are going thru.hopefully we can all get thru this ok

[chocolate_86]

Did you really like him or who you thought he might be? I think sometimes we mourn the loss of what we think could have been more than what actually was.

 

You can do better than that guy.

 

I'm sorry you are hurting right now.

 

cami

 

 

that is a really good point.i think to some degree true we all miss what could have been more than what actually was.its almost like a regret.which i hate.

[abitbroken]

He told me early on he wasn't a phone person, which I was ok with in the beginning but towards the end it started to bug me.

 

usually that means "in person" is better.

[abitbroken]

The fact is you had plans and he blew you off and obviously didn't bother to cancel or anything so I don't think you are missing out on much if he couldn't demonstrate basic courtesy. The fact that he sent that silly text doesn't mean much. Actions not words remember. I don't think you did anything wrong.

 

Um... if she said she was busy and said "maybe on the weekend" that's not really "plans." "Plans" are "7 o clock and I will pick you up" or "we;ll meet at 8 at the concert". Nothing was really set in stone, and that is on both of them, not just him.

 

Also about the "week to respond". Well, if someone told me to lose their number I would need to gather my thoughts. I would NOT just send them a casual "hi" the next day. I would take time to consider what I was going to say. And I might erase it 50 times. And between work and other stuff - yes It may take me a week to respond. I would feel very hurt. I know you are basically saying "he hurt you" but it goes both ways. By telling him off, you weren't the only one who was rejected.

 

use this as a learning experience.

[bebeblondie]

I actually said "how about Friday or Saturday" there was no maybe in my text, and he replied "Ok Friday". I guess you're right though we both hurt each other, up until now though I've been seeing it only from my side. Plus I had friends (who never actually met him) telling me he was acting like a jerk and a couple of guy friends who were saying he was playing me, so with all that I was getting really angry. Maybe next time I should just do what my gut tells me. I hope I get another chance with this guy since we've had miscommunications in the past where we haven't spoken for a while and then one of us would text the other and start up again.

[abitbroken]

I actually said "how about Friday or Saturday" there was no maybe in my text, and he replied "Ok Friday". I guess you're right though we both hurt each other, up until now though I've been seeing it only from my side. Plus I had friends (who never actually met him) telling me he was acting like a jerk and a couple of guy friends who were saying he was playing me, so with all that I was getting really angry. Maybe next time I should just do what my gut tells me. I hope I get another chance with this guy since we've had miscommunications in the past where we haven't spoken for a while and then one of us would text the other and start up again.

 

The problem with friends getting involved that don't really know anything about the situation is that they may say what they think you want to hear, but mostly they only get half the story. I always say if the guy seems like a respectable guy (there are no major huge red flag dealbreakers from first meeting - i.e., its his last day in the country and it would be way too complicated, he's verifiably gay or he's running a drug ring) they are only human like us and they might mess up on when they are supposed to call, etc.

 

I think that being angry and wound up, sometimes the other person can innocently walk back in/call with no clue what's up and they are just thrown for a loop.

 

I am glad you are able to see it both ways. I know that sometimes we tend to see the other person and break them down into a formula, or what they are supposed to do at exactly when.

[bebeblondie]

If I wanted another chance with him, what would be the best way to go about doing it? Or should I just forget it?

[notsogood]

If I wanted another chance with him, what would be the best way to go about doing it? Or should I just forget it?

 

Only you know that. Was he a jerk when you actually did hang out together? If you do want another chance with him send him a text/email saying how you feel about him and the situation and how you felt like he blew you off. Ask him if he feels anything the same towards you and if he wants to give it another go this time. Not saying he is not at fault because he DID blow you off, but if he did send a 3 page apology text to you and you blew that off, it would hurt pretty bad. Especially if his work did screw things up. Still not saying he wasn't at fault for a lot of the miscommunication but it takes 2 to tango.

 

OR you could text him and ask to meet for coffee to talk about things. If he feels anything towards you still he will say yes.

[bebeblondie]

When we hung out together he was never a jerk, very nice, affectionate and attentive.

 

The only thing that stops me is like I said before this isn't the first time we've had a miscommunication and stopped talking to eachother for a while. A similair thing had happened at the end of last summer, however we were much more casual back then and it ended sort of the same way with him sending me a 3 page text apologizing but also saying he understood if I didn't want to speak to him anymore. I ignored it and we didn't speak for two months and after that it was just casual texts (we met up twice in the course of that time) up until this past summer when he finally started taking me out on dates and consistently seeing me. Also he lives about 45 min away from me and each time he would drive in to see me.

[notsogood]

Hmm that makes it more confusing. If you did start something up with him again. You would have to be very clear with him that it would be a real relationship and not just a casual thing. Since that's what you seem to want from him.

[bebeblondie]

Hmm that makes it more confusing. If you did start something up with him again. You would have to be very clear with him that it would be a real relationship and not just a casual thing. Since that's what you seem to want from him.

 

Also this might seem irrelevant but I lost my job shortly after him and I stopped communicating and am currently unemployed (I think this might also be a reason I didn't contact him sooner), so I am a bit embarrassed about it and am wondering if it might be better to contact him after I find a new job.