Funniest/Craziest Breakup Stories

[Theblueman123]

Okay everyone post your craziest/funniest/best break up stories! I'll start

 

She was talking about "our breakup song" when I first started dating her, but she wouldn't tell me what it ever was. Well one day after getting mad at me for not being hungry & eating with her mom she changed her myspace song to: "Not Meant To Be" by Theory of a Deadman (You would have to be an idiot not to realize that this was the breakup song). So I waited for the inevitable...

 

About a week later of not being dumped or whatever I thought we had a chance (this was after she told me that she was preggo with her ex's baby, and later said she was joking...she got mad at me b/c I didn't laugh). So on saturday she texted me saying that she wanted to be alone and have no contact for the day so she can rest. I said cool and went about my day. About 8 pm I called because I had a really bad gut feeling, and she picked up the phone...

 

Turns out she was going to see a movie with her ex, and was going back to his place after the movie was over (possibly to stay the night--she said). I had no idea and completely was floored. So on the phone I was asking her wdf was going on and what she was doing with her ex. And she asked me if I could trust her and I said "I trust you not to cheat on me, but we have to talk about this." After i said this she started laughing hysterically and (I shht you not) said "Wait? You DONT expect me to cheat on you?? Hahahahaa." followed by her hanging up on me...

 

So then I called back and said "When you finish doing whatever you're doing tonight, tomorrow I want all three of us to sit down at the mall so we can discuss where to go from here (I wanted to meet the dude as well). She then blew up at me and was screaming that "It would only hurt his feelings because of how much he still likes her, and that I was stupid for even suggesting that." She again hung up on me. About 5 minutes later I get the text: Screw you, it's over"..

 

 

So, can anyone beat that

[SapphireNoir10]

'I've been looking at engagement rings, I love you more and more every second'

 

1 week of silence later

 

'Im no good for you etc etc' done.

[pinkrobot]

My last ex cheated on me with a teenager (note my age), left me for her, and proposed to her AND impregnated her two weeks later. I found all of this out on my own, however; he fed me the "I just don't love you anymore and it's not fair to you" BS.

 

Anyway, that's not the good part of the story. The good part is, shortly after the breakup I got a text from a number I've never seen. It was the teenager he'd left me for, "thanking" me for giving my boyfriend to her. She bragged about the engagement and the pregnancy (which I didn't care, I was obviously better off without him), and then proceeded to stalk me from her friends' phones for a week afterward! She would pretend to be guys who said they "met me at a party," and when I called her on it she texted me over and over saying the rudest, most obscene things she could think of. I almost had to block her number, it was getting so bad. But it was hilarious, provided me with some entertainment for a couple of weeks.

[Weirdmartian]

You're a lucky, lucky guy.

 

I can't imagine an easier way to get over a complete idiot.

[dk_in_mn]

This happened some 10+ years ago. I was dating this woman for about 6 months and could tell she was getting a bit too comfortable in the relationship and started to see changes in her behavior. It got to the point where is was getting irate if my friends came over to my house even two days a week. Needless to say I couldn't put up with it anymore after a few weeks of her going off on me all the time.

 

She came over to my house after work and brought her into the living room and had a long talk with her. I told her it wasn't working out and she needed to grab her personal belongings and leave. She flipped and started crying but finally left.

 

This is where it gets interesting. About 3 hours later my buddy who is on the police force where I was living at the time comes to my house. He knocks on my door and starts to question me about what had happened a few hours prior. Well, what happened was she went home and went into a fit of rage that I had broken up with her and kicked her out of my house. She told the cops that I had actually hit her! She even has bruises on her face to prove it. I was floored, I have never laid a hand on a woman my entire life, never would. I agreed 100% to go to the local police station, along with two of my friends who were there at the house during the time I broke up with her. It took about two hours for her to finally admit the truth, that everything had been fabricated by her own doing.

 

In the end, I was let go and she was charged with a gross-misdemeanor of giving false information to a police officer and threw her ass in jail. She was told to never contact me again, some huge fines and probation. I haven't seen or heard from her since. Thank god!

[pinkrobot]

Wow dk, good thing you got rid of her! Gotta love the psychos...

[servedcold]

So, can anyone beat that

 

Nope, in all my 30 years of experience breaking up and being broken up with, I can not beat that one. wow.

[Theblueman123]

Nope, in all my 30 years of experience breaking up and being broken up with, I can not beat that one. wow.

 

Oh that's just the summary of what exactly happened...it was actually far, far worse than that. I can remember one time I saved a kids life (was a lifeguard during the summer) and was really excited and told her all about it in vivid detail...and she just shrugged at me and said that I was just doing my job.

 

I guess things like this make for pretty awesome stories lol, and I'm excited to see what craziness everyone else has gone through.

[Triplell]

Day 1-10 after breakup can't be with you right now, I don't know if I can see you"

Day 11-15 after breakup miss you, I don't know if we can be together, but I want you to come see me"

Day 18 after break, I goto see her can't see you right now"

Day 19 after breakup, I get a call from her see me tonight, I miss you, I love you"

That night she doesn't answer her phone call.

I get to her place, walk in and she's in bed with another guy.

Day 20-25, no contact from her. No apology, no nothing.

Day 26, she calls my sister, tells her that she feels bad for what she did, wonders if she would call my mom to apologize to my family. My sister is relentless and shows no remorse, tells her to leave us all the * * * * alone

Night 26, she calls me to talk. I answer, she tells me that she doesn't want me to call her or email her ever again. I agree to the terms, and am ready to say bye, when she says "I still want to be friends though". I tell her not to worry about friendship because I'm going to act like she is dead to me. She says she doesn't want that, I tell her I don't care what she wants anymore, and hang up.

 

It's been 4 days since that.

 

I wouldn't say it's funny, but it is crazy.

[pinkrobot]

Sheesh, a little bipolar?

 

"Don't contact me ever again, but let's be friends." Huh?

[Ashley1640]

I think my story wins!! =)

 

 

Before dating my now-husband, I was dating this dude named Ryan my senior year of HS. Looking back, I was his 'rebound' girlfriend I suppose xD! He dated a girl named Sam for 2 years, she breaks up with him, and then he meets me. He was your typical bad boy, and I found that soo attractive at the time. He was older than me, he enjoyed his drinking quite a bit. So things start getting pretty hot and heavy, and I unfortunately 'fall' for this bad boy. He gives me a really pretty promise ring.. So I believe that something is really there.

 

After I sleep with him, he turns into a complete ahole. But I'm emotionally connected to him at this point, so I do some pretty stupid and desperate things or say things. He realizes he can treat me like a POS, and does just that. He breaks up with me, then he sweet talks me back. He was soo wishy washy, if I even breathed out of rhythm it would cause him to break up with me! He gets pissed off that I had guy friends, and breaks up with me by saying, "I hung out with Sam and slept with her!! It's over, I don't want you, I never wanted you!" ..This was on Christmas day, might I add. After I was so excited about spending Xmas day with him, and then he doesn't show up only to find out this bit of information.

 

During one of the times he broke up with me, I went out with some girl friends and ending up meeting my now-husband. My husband was head over heels for me right when he saw me, but I always told him I had a boyfriend.. or trying to get over a boyfriend. So on Christmas day when Ryan failed to show and then broke up with me harshly, my husband came over and we watched a movie. While we were watching a movie, I heard screetching tires outside my house, yelling, and then a "Bam, bam, bam!!" at my front door. When I opened my front door.. I saw RYAN! He was drunk off his behind! He brought his little clan of guys, and they all sat in the truck waiting for him. I just stare at him wondering what the hell he's doing here, and the first thing he says is, "Ashley, you got under my skin. You aren't my rebound like I thought you were. When I found out you had this guy at your house I realized I'm in love with you. Please take me back!" I don't remember what all I said, but I wasn't happy that he had the guts to try and pull me back. Whatever I said really pissed him off... and he showed the bulge in his pants. No, not THAT bulge... But he brought a freaking GUN WITH HIM TO MY HOUSE!! I don't know where I got the strength to even move, but I threw the promise ring he had given me at his face and then slammed the door on him.

 

 

Years went by, and he found me on myspace and we got to talking. He told me he straightened up, that he's in the Navy and stationed in Florida. He gets all clingy during this conversation, all weepy and stuff, and says, "I joined the Navy because of you. I wanted to make you proud, to show you I'm not the loser you first started dating. I also chose to come to Florida because I knew you wanted to go to college here, so I figured if you could forgive me we could still be together."

 

Welp. Let's just say I'm happily married, have a great life.. and I don't live in Florida =)