What to do?

[kamurj]

I am a really jealous person. Everytime my boyfriend even talks to another girl I get upset. I hate being this way. He promised me he would never cheat on me. What should I do?

[kamurj]

im the same... and i know how it feels to be jealous. I know its really difficult to not impose it on your partner, i'm the same. I also have a problem with my partners previous sexual relationships and drive myself insane when I think about it.

You have to realise that if he is the one, and he loves you, and he tells you he does, that you have to try and keep telling yourself to trust him and at the end of the day its you he's with.

I'm considering seeing the doctor, to help me deal with my illogical thinking. I'm hoping it'll let me relax a bit and enjoy my relationship. Some anti-anxiety drugs can really help. Good luck.

 

 

On 2001-11-23 12 Anonymous wrote:

I am a really jealous person. Everytime my boyfriend even talks to another girl I get upset. I hate being this way. He promised me he would never cheat on me. What should I do?

 

[kamurj]

 

Wow there are other people out there like me what a relief.I am sorry I feel your pain,I am married and have the same problem.Mine stems from insecurities about myself.I'm not much help I know but just knowing I am not alone you have helped me and I can not thank you enough for sharing something this personal!!I know how hard it is!!

[kamurj]

I am the same way w/ my girlfriend. Despite what the psychologists say, I find that it helps to just hide my feelings. By not reacting, I think I've been making progress towards being less jealous. Like seeing her talk to someone else and knowing that nothing ever happens helps me to trust that nothing will happen.

[dmyze]

I am like you, (I'm 19), I'm married, and I have the lowest self esteem I know of. It all started when I was about 15 or 16 - I was quite skinny, not anorexic though. My mother and doctor thought I was "purging" or I was anorexic. Every week I was transported to the doctor, the hospital, for hours of evaluation and testing. I have always been a big eater, but never put on the weight. It was my metabolism that kept me skinny, but did anyone listen - No... This you must understand, was a stressful scenario for me. This went on for a few months. I met a guy when all this was happening. At this point in time, I had a good self esteem - I knew I had nothing wrong with me or my weight (of about 95lbs). I was happy with my appearance, and no jealousy problem at all. Then as the testing and "probing" went on, it started getting in my head that something could be wrong with me. Finally it all took its toll on me - they [mom and doctors] finally got in my head. Also around this time, my father committed adultery and left my family so my mother of course thought that I would be purging or starving myself over this - but I wasn't. I was tired of their [mom & doctors] accusations and tried to fight all of their testing, but finally I lost the battle when they [my mom & doctors - ppl of whom I'm supposed to trust] got me to believe something was wrong with my appearance. I started to question my appearance in the mirror. I stopped having female role models and friends in my life for fear my boyfriend would compare me to them. I could actually see an ugly figure when I looked into the mirror. I started feeling like I needed to stay with my boyfriend 24/7. I went everywhere he went. I despised girls flirting/trying to flirt with him. I just had suddenly felt low, ugly, not wanting to be alone, etc. I stayed with him for 2 years, and struggled with my problem. All he could tell me was "Deal with it". I needed more than that to help my problem. It grew progressively worse. Throughout those 2 years my boyfriend had developed a violent temper of which I couldn't deal with anymore. I was always afraid to leave him but finally I did. I met another guy - much better than him. We spent all our time together and that is what he wanted too. We have a perfect relationship, except for me still having my low self esteem and my jealousy. It's hard for me to accept that he finds other women attractive. I know my jealousy derives from my low self esteem and all that started from my "weight problem" my mom and doctors thought I had. My jealousy causes conflicts. I know he loves me, and I know he doesn't want anyone else, but the thought of what other people do would anger me. I can't control what they do and I know I cant be mad at him for their actions. I'm trying to cope with these feelings. I'm not sure I'm doing it the right way though. However I find it hard to look at myself and admit that I'm beautiful. I'm not sure if it's that I really don't know/see it, or I'm just afraid to admit it or that I'll be narcissitic/big ego, etc. I'm a very modest person when it comes to my appearance or my accomplishments. I want to be able to feel beautiful and actually believe it. I think that if I can do atleast that, I won't feel so inferior and like I have competition in this world. I can look outside myself and see what I'm doing wrong and where it has all come from, my problem is knowing and believing that I'm perfect. I believe that will lower my level of jealousy, hopefully.

That is the main reason for my arguments with my husband. He's definitely more supportive than my ex

I guess that is all I was wanting to say for now - I feel more organized and all now that I've typed this out and hopefully will get some replies Thank you for reading this, it really means alot to me!

[gsxr104]

Trust him or lose him.