I've got the crush; he's not over his EX

[aprilflowers]

Will this ever get easier? We have been going out since August. I really, really like this man, like may LOVE this guy. Though our time is limited because of jobs, it is wonderful and simple and happy when we are together.

 

Both of us had bad breakups, mine in Aprill, his over a year ago. I am over my EX, but I think he still pines for his (way younger then he is but very much into her own world now). Any advice? We are both middle-agers. I have asked DO YOU WANT HER Back? He said no. A therapist friend tells me to sit tight, stay calm and realize he's probably going through a bunch of stuff now himself.

 

But I sure don't want to be a fool. I'm willing to give it a real shot if necessary. (Wow, this sound like a Billy Joel song... "I've been a fool for lesser things..."

Any advice?

[High5girl]

How do you know he's not over his ex?

[Ms Darcy]

Do a little data gathering. What makes you think that he's still pining for his ex? If he is, then you have no choice but to let him go. He doesn't have enough room in his heart to open up to you if he's still pining for her. I'm sorry hon.

[aquatic123]

i'm sorry but i'm dying to know what else your therapist said as i'm in a very similar situation. my heart is breaking though because he has left... not to be with her, but to sort himself out. I know its the right thing and I have no doubt that he loves me but I've never felt so much pain and heartache.

[aprilflowers]

Hey Aquatic - yes it is very mystifying when someone else is "sorting" things out and you have to stand by and wonder what's up. This has been going on for a few weeks; i think I fell for him at a very complicated time cuz he was moving into his first house and I think he'd seen the EX in conjunction with a seriously ailing mutual friend.

He said so many things that were very promising, romantic, so I have thought a lot about that side of things. He's been elusive too. But keeps turning up.

But then , I get pretty fearful I'm going to end up in the "He's just not that into you" category.

I pray for guidance over it sometimes too, which seems to help.

Everyone keeps saying "what do YOU want??"

Trouble is, I think it might be this man. SO then I think, well, give it a shot. Know there's a risk and you could be a fool. Then I think, well, would you rather see him on his terms - or not at all?

IT can be confusing. This is still a work in progress.

And not easy. But I think (at this point) it's worth trying to move forward, though I think my chances are not very good to resolve this.

[Ms Darcy]

"Then I think, well, would you rather see him on his terms - or not at all?"

 

It's a dangerous attitude to think that these are your only options. He really isn't the only man in the world.