My girlfriend said she is not horny anymore

[Iakasot]

I like your post, iridethedirt. I don't agree with it, but I like it. Your ideas remind me of how I used to think and feel. I used to have that spirit, but I don't anymore. I do whatever it takes to survive now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ashley...don't, just dont...I got a pretty good idea of what you're about, especially after my attempt to talk after post #49 here. So don't act like you're trying to help me. So just drop it.

[Ashley1640]

After post #49? You said something inappropriate that got deleted, then emailed me about it and wanted to send me a copy as to which I did not reply.

 

I'm acting like I'm helping you? How in the world am I helping you? I've been disagreeing with your posts on this forum since you first posted here. I find your logic on this topic to be completely wrong, but it was nice to hear other opinions.

 

And you think you have a pretty good idea what I'm about? I don't know how you would think that, since you don't know me and we've only talked on this one forum about this one topic.

 

Quit being hostile and rude to people that disagree with your opinion. I told you on post like.. 47 since you get all technical - that we can agree to disagree and you fly off the handle being inappropriate and giving the OP more bad advice.

[iridethedirt]

I like your post, iridethedirt. I don't agree with it, but I like it. Your ideas remind me of how I used to think and feel. I used to have that spirit, but I don't anymore. I do whatever it takes to survive now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ashley...don't, just dont...I got a pretty good idea of what you're about, especially after my attempt to talk after post #49 here. So don't act like you're trying to help me. So just drop it.

 

I am pretty sure that Ashley, and a few others are just

frustrated by the fact that you refuse to admit that maybe in this situation your advice/assesment was not helpful to the OP.

The way you type, it's kind of dramatic, and saying things like "I used to think the way you do" and "I do whateverit takes to survive now" makes me think you've been hurt by life and love, and I believe it has hurt your ability to have a healthy outlook on life/love. The way several other people view this situation, and myself, is a much more normal and healthy approach to situations like this one. Suggesting that researching her ex's is a good idea, well unless you think you've gleamed more wisdom in your 22 years than an entire community of relationship therapists have gotten a handle on in the entirety of the profession, I simply cannot see how anything but previous hurt and simple pride are keeping you from admitting that your methods weren't the best this time. Good luck man, I hope you find a way to recapture trust in people.

[Iakasot]

Vast majority of the post actually addressed the topic in a relevant way, and only got deleted because it included a youtube link that had some language. I asked you whether you'd like a copy of it because you acted all interested. You could've said no, instead you just ignored it, which shows a lack of respect. Don't talk about me being hostile and rude if you're disrespectful yourself. I am blunt, and I don't try to sugar coat anything, and I don't pretend to be interested in things I'm not interested in.

 

It's not bad advice to end a relationship with someone who is emotionally cold to you despite being really into you at the beginning, and warm, and having sex with you on like the 2nd date. I mean what he saw in the beginning obviously wasn't the real her, she's obviously someone who gets bored with men easily. I think it's reasonable to want an equal relationship, but you obviously don't. I mean, you called my advice "freako" or whatever, yeah, not rude at all. Oh yeah, and you double post a lot; it's called the edit button, use it.

 

No offense, but I think OP would benefit from advice that comes from a guy who's been in the same situation before and did what you all are telling him to do. The signs are there that he shouldn't do that, that he should instead get out. Obviously to a lot of the posters here, red flags are only applicable when they're contained within a man, not OP's gf...whatever.

 

If the OP were a girl in a similar situation, people would go on rants about how she shouldn't settle. I think OP shouldn't settle for someone who expects him to be her entertainment, but isn't willing to be the same in return.

[Kantriakhor]

No offense, but I think OP would benefit from advice that comes from a guy who's been in the same situation before and did what you all are telling him to do. The signs are there that he shouldn't do that, that he should instead get out. Obviously to a lot of the posters here, red flags are only applicable when they're contained within a man, not OP's gf...whatever.

 

If the OP were a girl in a similar situation, people would go on rants about how she shouldn't settle. I think OP shouldn't settle for someone who expects him to be her entertainment, but isn't willing to be the same in return.

 

I'll only address the part relevant to this topic. Neither gender should "settle" but with these precise circumstances, the BC affecting her hormones (something you conveniently overlook), the pregnancy scare just one month into the relationship, the lack of communication on both sides. Neither person here can settle because, honestly, neither of them know the other person well enough to know if they're settling or not. The BC needs to be addressed, either her body needs time to adjust to it or she needs a new kind of BC. Counseling is needed for the pregnancy scare, for all of your "experience" you probably don't know how difficult it is for a person (male or female) to get over a scare like that especially in regards to sex, and finally they need to let the relationship grow (if they want it) more mature on an emotional level (while the BC is taking its course) and that would apply to whatever gender the OP is.

[Ashley1640]

 

No offense, but I think OP would benefit from advice that comes from a guy who's been in the same situation before and did what you all are telling him to do. The signs are there that he shouldn't do that, that he should instead get out. Obviously to a lot of the posters here, red flags are only applicable when they're contained within a man, not OP's gf...whatever.

 

If the OP were a girl in a similar situation, people would go on rants about how she shouldn't settle. I think OP shouldn't settle for someone who expects him to be her entertainment, but isn't willing to be the same in return.

 

 

I could quote and post back my opinion of what you felt the need to harass me with, but I'll ignore it and chok it up to something else.

 

Why do you think the only good advice should come from the male gender in this situation? You're bound to hear, "Drop her and go find someone who will give it to you daily" from most men. He WAS confused as to what her deal was, he wanted an insight. Men and women are completely different, we don't think the same. It's like an AM and FM radio station. So it sounds to me like he needed some female insight as to why she WAS acting that way. And it looks like most of the female posts were for the most part saying, "Don't drop the relationship just YET. You guys just had a pregnancy scare, so she's probably completely turned off. Not to mention the BC ordeal."

I really wish I could get you to understand that pregnancy scares and BC pill are major things to our emotions. If women's hormones and emotions are going crazy, we don't want sex. And if we do, it's a rediculously huge amount that turns into not being healthy lol. My husband and I just had a baby, and we are currently having a pregnancy scare as we speak. Neither one of us are as horny as we normally are. It doesn't mean there is anything underneath that at all, and I'm not going to divorce him because of our scare - and same for him. I understand your want to be equal, but things HAPPEN, and you work through it together. The OP obviously cares about his SO, so why should he jump ship just because they hit a rough patch? It sounds to me that's what you believe in.. when things get hard you run? I think that if that's the case people who feel that way will never be happy in a long term relationship/marriage and might as well find peace with monagomy. Everything gets hard. LIFE is hard.

[Iakasot]

Alright, both your and Ashley's last posts here. You both seem to CONVENIENTLY overlook the fact that she (OP's gf) became emotionally and verbally cold too, not just sexually. Pregnancies don't scare me, because I'm prepared to take care of a kid, assuming it's mine. I don't really know how someone can feel any different. Well, I do, but it baffles me why they can't consider the joy of having a child. Just like I'm sure some people will be baffled by my lack of fear while looking at something that's so scary to them happen to me. I know it's different for women, because there's pain of childbirth and 9 months of carrying something plus crazy hormonal fluctuations involved. I often wish men could give birth so that it wouldn't be held over our heads.

[Blackhawk2009]

I'm actually a little shocked that this thread is 9 pages long lol. While yes because of her bc she didn't want to have sex, which is fixed now due to her switching brands. We have sex once a week maybe two if things work out well but while yea I would like it everyday its not really possible because of where we live. She lives at home and when I come over to her house we can't have sex because of her mom. So when she comes over to my place the 1 time per week we have sex, honestly its good enough for me and keeps me wanting it for the next week.

 

She is going away to college next year and we already discussed it and while it does kind of suck I know this relationship wont last more than a year I don't plan on getting married anytime soon so I'm ok with it. I mean as long as she stays serious about it then I'm ok. Her ex has been contacting her via text recently but I am not too worried about it, she has him in her phone as some awful name. Although I'm curious as to why girls like to text their ex's when they have them in their phone with a name like that..baffles me. I told myself I'm not gonna care about it because at the end of the day she is still with me.

 

However I may say something about it if it continues to go on because its kind of rude. I'm just gonna use that good old well what if I was texting my ex. I'm sure she will understand.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I think you are torturing yourself by doing that. You will be much more attached by then and the breakup will be much harder.

 

What's the point of being with someone you know you aren't going to be with for very longer?

[Ashley1640]

I think you are torturing yourself by doing that. You will be much more attached by then and the breakup will be much harder.

 

What's the point of being with someone you know you aren't going to be with for very longer?

 

I second that.

 

If you've discussed you two will break up before college, then what's the point? Have you two made it perfectly clear that you are only together for the physical aspect then? Either way, I don't think that's too terribly wise or healthy for you =(

[Blackhawk2009]

well no we never said that we are gonna break up but that I know its gonna be hard with the college and everything but the college she is going to is not very far from my college so its doable. In terms of my own personal goals..the longest relationship that I have had has been 3 months if even that so last a year would be a big improvement for me

[Ashley1640]

well no we never said that we are gonna break up but that I know its gonna be hard with the college and everything but the college she is going to is not very far from my college so its doable. In terms of my own personal goals..the longest relationship that I have had has been 3 months if even that so last a year would be a big improvement for me

 

Oh sorry, you just said in your previous post that the relationship wouldn't last more than a year. i thought that was code for breakup.

 

confused..

[greensleeves]

I think you are torturing yourself by doing that. You will be much more attached by then and the breakup will be much harder.

 

What's the point of being with someone you know you aren't going to be with for very longer?

 

Not all relationships are destined to last a lifetime. If they enjoy spending time together right now and they both have their eyes open about where it's going, what the harm in that?

[Kantriakhor]

Alright, both your and Ashley's last posts here. You both seem to CONVENIENTLY overlook the fact that she (OP's gf) became emotionally and verbally cold too, not just sexually.

 

Given the vague nature of the posts, and that the girl is adamant in her affections/feelings for him, it seems she's just shaken-up, that and the BC affects hormones which impacts mood, something you "conveniently overlooked". If you care to reread my posts you'll find that I mentioned the scare and BC multiple times because both can affect her emotions/moods and behaviour.

 

Pregnancies don't scare me, because I'm prepared to take care of a kid, assuming it's mine. I don't really know how someone can feel any different.

 

That's a lack of empathy on your part, as well as failing to understand that not everyone is as prepared for as you for a child.

 

Well, I do, but it baffles me why they can't consider the joy of having a child. Just like I'm sure some people will be baffled by my lack of fear while looking at something that's so scary to them happen to me.

 

Baffled not by your lack of fear, but your lack of empathy and understanding that many people have this legitimate fear. You're not wrong for not being afraid but they're not wrong for being afraid.

 

I know it's different for women, because there's pain of childbirth and 9 months of carrying something plus crazy hormonal fluctuations involved. I often wish men could give birth so that it wouldn't be held over our heads.

 

Partners that hold something over another's head that is no one's fault aren't mature partners.

 

Then again, they'll be broken up in a year's time so it matters extremely little.