does being a friend have an advantage?

[terry210]

I suppose my situation is very similar to many others. To keep it short I was with a girl for over 4 years – she wanted commitment from me. I was going through a bad patch and kept putting it off and she thought that I wasn't interested, we started to argue about stupid things and she told me that the relation-ship wasn't going anywhere. We broke up about 2 months ago.

I did the usual begging and pleading and this just ended up pushing her away even further, I met up with her shortly after and ended up sleeping together, but the next day she got upset saying that she was confused. I tried no-contact and she e-mailed me about 5 days later, since then we have kept in contact e-mailing each other and meeting as friends. She is starting to open up to me but is telling me that she is always out with her friends and meeting new guys. She tells me that she likes some of them, she still has feelings for me but enjoy's the single life. I don't want to have no-contact because I feel that I will lose her forever (as she will just pretend that I am dead or something).

At the moment she contacts me a lot, but talks to me as a friend (asking me for opinions etc). I really want her back and am being extra nice to her at the moment. I don't know what would be the best way to get her back and does being her friend have an advantage?. Also isn't it going to be a bit strange to have no contact after speaking as friends for the past month or so?

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

Consider yourself one of the lucky few. Many people break up and never talk again. I understand because you care and her talking about the other guys. You can't control what other people do. You can't lock them up. I would have to say that being a friend would be a great advantage. No begging or looking desperate though.

 

Things will work out in time. Just let her see you for the real you. It takes two people to have a relationship. If she wants the single life for now, well that is the way it goes sometimes. You are just going to have to play out your hand until you get a better one. For right now I would say you are holding Ace's.

 

It is all good.

 

Good Luck

 

Kuhl

8)

[terry210]

Thanks for the reply, I know that she does enjoy being single at the moment but alot of guy's are interested in her and it wont take too long before a relationship develops, In the mean time all I can do is just get on with my own life, but still be that 'shoulder to cry on' and friend to talk to. I want her back but can only really be patient and hope.

[terry210]

What would be the best way of telling your ex that you think that no-contact with them may be the best idea, (even though you want them back desperately!!). How can I tell her this without her just forgetting me?

Or would it be a better idea to keep casual contact (ie just short replies to her). She wants to stay friends, but it is killing me everytime I hear about her weekends and who she's with.

[Up and Down]

Terry,

 

I have been down the road of being a shoulder to cry on and maintaining the friendship (even though you really want more). Its as my name says, up and down. We hung out all the time and had fun and talked all the time as friends,emotional support for one another. There are feelings there, or were, that were more than friends. Anyway ask yourself this, are you going to be able to handle it when she starts talking about guys in a romantic way, what about when she starts seriously dating someone else. I didn't keep my life centered around her, but we did do a lot of things together still. I still went out with my friends on Fridays and Saturdays, sometimes she came, but its difficult. I remember one night when some guy was trying to pick her up and she expressed interest, it was hard on me...and I get meet my fair share of women when out, so it s not that I am lonely as to why I miss her, I just miss her. Anyway even though your life is moving on some, it will be hard until you have some time and emotional distance between you two. Maybe after that things can be fine, but trust me if she starts dating someone else while you have been her shoulder to cry on, it will tear you up.

 

Those are my thoughts for what they are worth.

[terry210]

I thought that I was finally getting on with my own life, I have met a girl who I like and I know that my ex has met someone else as well (she says that she likes him but is a little unsure though?). She contacted me to tell me that she may be pregnant and thinks that it is mine. I asked her to meet me and we spoke. She told me that she didn't want the baby and was still confused about me. I told her that I would like to give it another go with her (I didn't beg or plead) but I told her that I still love her and was sorry for the things that I had done to mess up the relationship.

Now I find myself contacting her alot (mainly to find out if she is actually pregnant). I don't know what to do and I can't not contact her because she will probably have a termination without telling me. Help I need advice. I still want her back, but she seems more distant than ever.