feelings.

[vhere]

When I allow my heart to hurt, when I allow the feeling to shoot through my veins, its an emotion that I want out of my system asap. As an innate response, I need to scream it out, I need to cry it out, I need to numb it out, I need another feeling to overpower it, and remind myself to breathe, or else I’d gladly feed myself to the bears, offer them blueberries and have them rip my heart out because that emotion is unbearable.

 

To feel it as part of me, and to experience that creative chaos within the mind and body, is foreign (or not, music and movies project that effect on us). Anyways, I’m startled by surprise to feel this because it’s a violent shift from the every day person we see ourselves as. I mean, its not the neutral, ordinary 24/7 me/you?

 

This forum is full of people that feel weak and are hurting in some way, finding comfort and solutions for it to leave or fade because it doesn’t function well with our daily life. That leads me to believe that being irrational and emotional is natural, but taboo in public, because vulnerability=hell. Feeling pain and embracing it so I can minimize it, and drop it is something I have to do.

 

So can someone remind me.

 

Why be naïve again and trust?

Why be confident that its unthinkable that a person won’t hurt you and you won’t hurt that person?

Why get other people to care when anyone can care to use it and abuse it?

And then leave it be.

Why can't I really get past it? I think I can. I think I can.

But. I haven't.

[vhere]

Also, why be loyal and dedicated to someone that will only remain as a memory that changes in some way as we walk on forward?

 

I just don't understand.

[Xylitol]

You need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let the enemy into your castle they will only end up destroying it(even if its family), and leaving you crying over the ruins.From there you can keep on crying, or rebuild your life, i advice you to rebuild your life.

 

Why do you expect to receive love by hugging thornbushes? You'll just get bruised.

 

You should only open your heart when its safe to do so, in other circumstances you will just get damaged if you open your heart to the wrong people or circumstances.

 

Almost everyone is a 'wrong' person who lives in darkness and will crush your heart and emotions as if its the 'normal' thing to do. You know its almost asif the world 'desires' to 'emotionally' kill you. Stay away from those people, your heart must be gaurded like a secret garden, and only those who are ready to enter this garden without destroying it may enter your emotional world.

[Rickster]

Why be naïve again and trust?

Why be confident that its unthinkable that a person won’t hurt you and you won’t hurt that person?

Why get other people to care when anyone can care to use it and abuse it?

And then leave it be.

Why can't I really get past it? I think I can. I think I can.

But. I haven't.

 

Also, why be loyal and dedicated to someone that will only remain as a memory that changes in some way as we walk on forward?

 

I just don't understand.

 

The same questions plague my mind. These questions I have not answered in over 4 years. I think I know why you are going through these thoughts. Have you invested so much trust in a particular individual but it turned out they were only playing around with you? Like a girlfriend or boyfriend?

 

You need to be like a castle gate closing yourself to bad people/things/events, and open yourself up to good people/things/events, if you let the enemy into your castle they will only end up destroying it(even if its family), and leaving you crying over the ruins.From there you can keep on crying, or rebuild your life, i advice you to rebuild your life.

 

Why do you expect to receive love by hugging thornbushes? You'll just get bruised.

 

You should only open your heart when its safe to do so, in other circumstances you will just get damaged if you open your heart to the wrong people or circumstances.

 

Almost everyone is a 'wrong' person who lives in darkness and will crush your heart and emotions as if its the 'normal' thing to do. You know its almost asif the world 'desires' to 'emotionally' kill you. Stay away from those people, your heart must be gaurded like a secret garden, and only those who are ready to enter this garden without destroying it may enter your emotional world.

 

If you decide to walk this path, trust me, you will feel reclusive. I've chosen this path and this is what I've become. I continue to re-evaluate the best way to deal those questions, but so far this is the best option.

[vhere]

I've been educated to see shades of light and darkness on a spectrum, a duality thats often interchangeable. It would be simple to villianize and victimize, but it dismisses a lot of things that are left in grey. Perception shapes narrative, and it's not an accurate representation of who we are and who they are as a person. Yes, the more I neglect the heart, the more intense the pain is, and the more I protect it, the more fragile it is. Not hugging thornbushes, but dealing with it. I do notice that at first glance, roses in the thornbushes are more distinct than the thorns.

[LadyPhoenix]

I don't know what kind of state your mind you're in or what kind of life you had or have, whichever it is, you need to analyze the core of all your feelings. More you ignore the reason behind it , more it will take time to figure it out. If you let the suffering accumulate, in the end, it will explode.

 

The explosion depends on people's life but when I say explosion, it's when you give up your life. Like Xylitol said which it's a great analogy: keep on crying or worst or... rebuild your life.

 

"Emotion's life" is all about balance. It's very human to feel what you're feeling right now. It sucks but without it, we wouldn't feel the pleasure of life.

 

You see here...you need to find the pleasures of your life.

 

If you need to scream it out, scream as long as you don't bother other people. You need to hit something, find something to hit with it. (it would greatly help if you know Martial-Arts).

 

But that's the thing is it? You want other people to hear you out?

 

I suggest you to hit and scream at the same time on something that's "hittable" (like punching bag). You don't need people to see or hear you. It's an inner battle. And then, try to find your emotion balance, to think about it. Find a place to do that. It will help you to control it because more you do that, more you control it more you'll do less. You can ask someone to hit you hard if that's not enough (not till you die or bleed you to death..nono).

 

That sound crazy..lol...it all depends on people emotions (especially the very bulky stronger one need that). lol

 

You can't blame what other did to you from what made you suffer. You have choices in life.

 

I believe life is like a battle. If you want to survive, you have to fight for what you want in life. Sometimes, the reward is the many pleasures there are in life.

 

You can be open, trusting and confident with all the positive attitude towards peoples if you want. Sometimes the other people reactions are very negatives. For example someome telling you:

 

"You're an lazy ass, you pathetic bloke, you can't do nothing at all. Get a real life! If you continue like this, you'll be dead in the end."

 

Sometimes people don't know what they are saying and don' know that they are hurting you. But on your side that's how you will see it easily because once someone say that to you, you know already that the pathetic one is that person telling you that. It wouldn't hurt you anymore what the others say to you. Like a shield. When someone throws you a fireball, you have the skills to block it or reflect it.

 

However, with someone you love is more harder.

 

The skills comes from experience in your life. That's how you have to keep asking questions and keep finding the core of all your suffering.

 

Now, these kind of tension, you'll need to learn how to communicate with them too and command the others to respect you. Ignoring them it's always the best way but if they insist or never stop, you have to do the "drastic" measures because you don't find it acceptable in you life.

 

You can't control them but you can control you.

 

But don't stay there in the cave, you won't learn nothing how to control your emotions (skills). Get out there to be stronger and confront the people. More you close yourself, like you said yourself, more your heart will be fragile.

 

Don't give up.

 

We encounter shadows in our life and all human have it...like being mad... but we can learn to recongnize and to fight with the shadow. To know the shadow we become less judicious.

 

Don't be afraid to make mistakes because that's how you will learm to overcome it and to become stronger.

 

Find your way.

 

Sorry for my English. Let's hope you understood it...hehe, it's my third language.

 

And hope it helps you.

[vhere]

We encounter shadows in our life and all human have it...like being mad... but we can learn to recongnize and to fight with the shadow. To know the shadow we become less judicious.

 

 

researching on Jung and shadows. to know the shadow, and to fight it, we become less judicious, less balanced, and less cohesive with the integrity of the self.

[vhere]

and LadyPhoenix, you fall under shadow too.

[LadyPhoenix]

Thanks for saying “Jung”! lol I forgot who said those words. I found a site where it explains everything what I’m trying to tell you:

 

link removed

 

And before I continue, when you said: “less balanced, and less cohesive with the integrity of the self.”

 

What do you mean by that? Just to be sure because I don’t recall Jung saying that.

 

However when I said "fight with the shadow" is to emphasise that we fight so we can enter the Shadow world and to understand it. To be IN the shadow so we fight with the shadow. It's what I explained to you up there, to fight what we want in life.

[vhere]

i'll share some nonsense i wrote a few years ago..

 

dreams reveal a bit of who you are, it's the realm of fantasy that take away circumstances that wouldn't necessarily occur in reality. it's that unconscious which exists in our sleep since it can't when you're awake. or can it? haha..i wish. humans try to give definition in everything they can grasp of whichwould give them some meaning to their lives.they look for 'signs'...you cant help it..or can you? ..our human desires are locked up.. our "exiles"and "desires" would only run freely until the waking hours which "society" reigns. yada yada..its not logical its not objective. but then again, instinctual drift: it overrides all of that. and doesn't that takes a truer form of who we are? if so, i wish life were a dream. i wish i woudn't have to fear anything, or hide anything. most of all i wish i could see who everyone really is, how their thoughts..intentions..desires..wishes are all constructed. if only mystery falls, and chaos takes over..would i find.

 

if.

i think we mean the same thing, but i would reword it "dance with the shadow" because as we fight it to diminish it, we deny a part of who we are. With Jung, he's talking about the shadow archetype, ' re-integrate the shadow, the dark side, and the light of the 'real' self. If this can be done effectively, then we can become 'whole' once again, bringing together that which was once split from us.' craziness.

there's a blockage with my feelings and thinkings that needs current alignment.

 

thank you for getting the gist of it, and mapping it out for me so i have a direction. appreciate it. you're pretty awesome.