Want to move on by using no contact rule but...

[LordWeymont]

I am a firm believer in the no-contact rule. Recently, actually 3 weeks ago my gf of 6 months went from hot to cold on me. I got no signals or signs of her being unhappy. Cold tukey on me. I got dumped and it hurt. Still does.

 

Being I am about to graduate from school and head off to Africa for 2 years in the Peace Corp (mid January)... I reluctantly I understand why she broke up with me. We decided before making us "official" that we would have to break up before I head off. Well, I am guessing that when one enters the relationship and knowing there is a time frame, defenses could be triggered... in her case, I am thinking they were. She said we weren't growing... weird, because again! no signs...

 

As I said, it hurt bad. I am still hurting. The unfortunate aspect is the fact we work together on campus. I want no contact. She does not believe in it. She has told me that in the past, she has had good breakups and her exs have stayed in touch. Well, to hell with that for the time being. I tried being her friend after the breakup... it's too damn hard...she is the one who went hot to cold, not me! I want my distance from her. She has had to time to get over me... I need time to get over her. thereforeeee, I am avoiding her as much humanly possible.

 

Is that okay to do? Am I going about the situation in the correct manner? I want to be over her! I want to meet new people. Oh and I do meet new people all the time... never had problems with meeting new girls... the problem is, if I stay in touch with the ex...my wounds shall be re-opened... and my future relationships will be hijacked.

 

At the risk of being repetitive, am I going about my business in the correct manner? By avoiding her, to let me heal ... is this right? Any suggestions or feedback would be appreciated!

 

 

 

Out.

[Belle]

Lord,

I think you're 100% right. You sound like your'e ready to move on and no contact is the easiest way to move on. No mixed signals, possibilities down the road of getting back together. Avoid her like the plague until and unless you think you are ready to handle seeing her without feeling pain.

 

Best of luck,

Belle

[shazza]

Hey there....just thought I'd share my experience with you as I've recently gone through similar with my ex boyfriend of 4 years. What happened to me was I had lunch with him on a Thursday, sensed something wasn't quite right and then when I spoke to him on Friday I asked if anything was up and he said "we need to talk". Well, I knew what that meant, and met him that night where he proceeded to break up with me. It was hard for both of us, and we both cried, and a few days later he sent me an email saying he wanted me back. We got together the following Friday to talk and I told him I didn't think we could go back and that we'd done the right thing. I also asked for some "no-contact" time as I am a firm believer in it too. Anyway, after a few weeks he sms me to see if I wanted to see a movie. I invited him over to hang out with me & my flatmate instead as I was too tired to go out. Anyway, it was a nice evening and so we met up again, and again, and spoke on the phone, and emailed, and sms etc...soon I was communicating with him as often as we did when we were together. Now I didn't mind cos he was starting to see other ppl as was I and I thought, "great, we can now be good friends". Well, it was too soon. I won't bore you with the details but we should've had that no contact time in the beginning because now it is just painful and awkward and is probably going to take me longer to go back to being friends. I can understand your ex's intentions, (I've been in her shoes too) but she needs to understand (AND respect) that this is what you need and learn herself to be independent of you. Even though in my case it was an amicable breakup with no hard feelings, it was still too soon. In your case, it still hurts, so there is even more reason to give yourself some time to heal and to breathe. Hope this helps...you're not alone!

[AnotherChick]

Way to go! I have always been clear with my ex's that "being friends" is crap. After time, things could turn out that way. That is fine. No one is out to hurt anyone, but seriously, just like you said...you need (and deserve) time to get over it.

 

I've also always said that being friends is not really possible. If it were, then you were never really in a relationship with someone who cares. If they cared, then they wouldn't want to just be your friend.

[debisfun]

You are doing the right thing. Your FIRST priority should be taking care of yourself.

 

You *might* be able to be friends --- after a long time has passed. She needs to figure out what her motives are for wanting to keep you as a "friend", especially so soon after the breakup. I suspect it's because she doesn't want to give up the security of having someone who she's shared a good portion of her life with. Not that she's a bad person, but she is being selfish.

 

You need to look after you.

 

It's hard, and it hurts. But you are showing signs of incredible self-awareness that is healthy. Stick with it. You'll come out the other end. I promise.

[Fisch]

Well, to hell with that for the time being. I tried being her friend after the breakup... it's too damn hard...she is the one who went hot to cold, not me! I want my distance from her. She has had to time to get over me... I need time to get over her.

 

HELL YEAAA BRAADAAAAAAA

-FISCH (i am hyper)

[LordWeymont]

Thanks everyone. Words of advice help everytime! Really, thanks a lot!!!

 

haha, I have no idea what that last comment means... but I think it's good! Ha.

 

 

Out.