Was your ex selfish?

[Leveller]

Leveller you know your ex is just like mine. The best thing I did was finally realize after all this time that nothing has changed. What if there is someone else out there for you that you are missing out on? I wouldn't respond to your ex until she calls and leaves a voicemail that she wants to get back together and thats it. Don't respond to anything else. Make her feel like you are no longer there. If you keep the contact then you will never get her back. She knows that you will be there whenever she wants. If you want, I can forward you a book that I got earlier this year that helped me out with trying to get them back. Opened my eyes to many things.

 

Many thanks for your advice and the offer. If you PM me I would be grateful.

 

Specifically I have stopped waiting around for her. I made up my mind to say what I wanted to say in the way I wanted to say it. I have no problem meeting other women. My ex has long since ceased to be priority number 1. What I wanted to do was take control of the situation and I feel I have. I will not get back into contact with her unless I feel it will benefit me. I no longer yearn for contact from her. It is her who has persistantly contacted me even after I've told her not to. If/when I meet someone else she will regret it. This much I KNOW.

[Leveller]

I maybe haven't mentioned so far my ex was also in an abusive relationship for 10 years and is now with someone else who is controlling and possessive. He too doesn't know she's in contact with me...but with us it's obviously much more than just contact.

[Leveller]

After the recent turn of events (i.e. me jumping into bed with her again after about the eighth time since we split) I spoke to her best friend who said I was a fool. Maybe I am at that but at that point I filled her in on the whole picture from my perspective i.e. how she has been the one to contact me since July, the amount of times I have gone up her house, some of the thing she has said about 'US' etc. ect...plus the fact that I slept with her again a week last Friday and this felt inevitable. She knew none of this except that I had booked her a flight to Rome.

 

Now I know her best friend likes me and her sister tried to set us up earlier in the day. I have tried to be nice about this and said to her before this was never going to happen and her flirting with me was frankly embarrassing for me. She expressed a lot of female jealously towards my ex and although I think she has my best interests at heart she really didn't have a clue about what my ex had really been saying/doing with me these last few months. A female friend of mine backed up what I had been saying too.

 

Anyway after the fool comment I got a bit pissed off and told her one or two things my ex had said about her. Not much in the grand scheme of things but combined with the fact that she was already pissed off with her for a variety of reasons and has distanced herself from her of late she sent her a nasty text the following day. I got the blame from my ex who sent me what I can only describe as hate mail. My responses were, shall we say, a little more dignified although I basically told her she was up her own a*s, selfish, a liar, a cheat and was destroying everything that's good in her life. Out last couple of texts were a bit more friendly but still a bit childish on both our parts (each trying to make the other jealous).

 

Her best friend doesn't like her bf (contradicting what she said to me at the start of Sept.), 'loves me to bits', and her children hate what my ex has done to me. She is losing her friends with her best friend telling me that 90% of people have now fallen out with her. She said her bf was basically her abusive ex bf Mk2 and she is in what we both believe is a failing relationship - arguing, lies and NC. My ex agreed that he was like her abusive ex but 'as long as he doesn't raise his hands to me, he's been good for me'. I don't know why she stays...I couldn't be more opposite. I'm far more like her ex husband but she still she stays. Like I said I don't recognise her anymore. Any thoughts anyone...I know you can't save people from themselves but this situation is stupid?!

 

If their relationship was so good then why does she want me around as a 'friend' - a friend she cheats on her bf with, who loved her and who has asked her back. She can't give me an explanation and I am at a loss. I'm getting close to the point where I just don't care...cept I do otherwise I wouldn't have her passport for the flight to Rome I booked for her and me for December. I'm going to sell the bloody thing on e-bay...

 

If the Jerry Springer show is still going this would make one of their great episodes. As I'm in the UK I might have to settle for Jeremy Kyle though.