butterfly6585 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 What boundaries do you think there should be regarding opposite sex friends while in a long term relationship with someone? I mean obviously, neither of you should be doing anything sexual with any of your opposite sex friends, but beyond that what do you think is and isn't okay? Do you think spending time alone with them like on a 1-on-1 basis is okay? As far as that goes, do you think it makes any difference whether the opposite sex friend is someone that you just recently met or someone that you've known already for several years? Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 What boundaries do you think there should be regarding opposite sex friends while in a long term relationship with someone? I mean obviously, neither of you should be doing anything sexual with any of your opposite sex friends, but beyond that what do you think is and isn't okay? Do you think spending time alone with them like on a 1-on-1 basis is okay? As far as that goes, do you think it makes any difference whether the opposite sex friend is someone that you just recently met or someone that you've known already for several years? If I date someone, I trust him. If he's not trustworthy enough to be honest with me (and himself), then I probably shouldn't be dating him. I'm into relationships, not being a jailer. Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 You have to trust your partner enough to know they will make their own boundaries and not cross them. Link to comment
Ihavetissues Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 My bf has a few girl mates and I do find it very hard but he does really hang out with them just chats on line with them really, I do find it hard tho. but guess you have to trust them. Which I do find hard. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 My bf has a few girl mates and I do find it very hard but he does really hang out with them just chats on line with them really, I do find it hard tho. but guess you have to trust them. Which I do find hard. I think if he's given you legitimate reason to distrust him, that's an understandable reaction. If you've been burned by other guys, that's really not fair to him, or to you. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I don't categorize my friends primarily by their gender, thus I have equally male and female close friends (actually I have more male friends) with who I share different things. I like spending one-on-one time with either one of them, because we talk about different things. This has nothing to do with disrespecting my partner/ emotionally cheating on him or anything like this. But I know some of these friends for a long time and they played an important role in my life/ development. In consequence I like talking to them by myself. I have no problems either with my partner having female friends and him spending time alone with them. If I can't trust him that there will be nothing 'funny' going on, I shouldn't be in a relationship with this person. I don't believe that you can have a strong emotional/ intellectual connection with just one person. However I strongly believe that you can only commit to one person and make one person your priority. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 I can't rep you again for awhile, but I 100% agree with this. Link to comment
Bastions Girl Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Like the others have said, its everything to do with how much you trust that your partner. If they have a record of being flirty with their friends of the opposite sex, you have to decide if that's a problem for you and if it is, confront them about it. If they don't have that kind of history and just have a lot of friends of the opposite sex, I wouldn't worry. If they've never done anything that would cause you to distrust them, who's to say that their alone time with those of the opposite gender will be any different than their alone time with members of their sex? At the same time, it is hard with Long Distance Relationships and I can understand your hesitation with the temptations you're concerned about. Just talk to them about it. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 Exactly how I feel about it. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who believed that a couple cannot have opposite sex friends, including one on one time with those friends. That to me would be very controlling and reeking of distrust. In practice it would have required me to end good and close friendships. No way. Link to comment
stabilo Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 But what if the friend of the opposite sex, fancied and plain obviously fancied your partner, and you knew about it but your partner still chooses to hang out or speak/encourage this person to remain in contact? Just my 2 cents...and I KNOW there are many many many cases where what I'm about to say doesn't apply, but in my life experiences, I don't know a guy who is friends with another girl but doesn't want to get into her pants...you can trust your partner... But maybe not other people. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted October 16, 2009 Share Posted October 16, 2009 But what if the friend of the opposite sex, fancied and plain obviously fancied your partner, and you knew about it but your partner still chooses to hang out or speak/encourage this person to remain in contact? Just my 2 cents...and I KNOW there are many many many cases where what I'm about to say doesn't apply, but in my life experiences, I don't know a guy who is friends with another girl but doesn't want to get into her pants...you can trust your partner... But maybe not other people. This attitude is common from the insecure people who don't want to SOUND insecure. "Oh NO, honey, I trust YOU. It's.. EVERYONE ELSE ON THE PLANET I don't trust." What???? Again, if you trust your partner, end of story. That's what trust means. Not "Oh, I trust you, until I actually have to RELY on that trust." Not "I trust you until someone else might show an interest in you" No offense, but that attitude is really lame. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted October 17, 2009 Share Posted October 17, 2009 But what if the friend of the opposite sex, fancied and plain obviously fancied your partner, and you knew about it but your partner still chooses to hang out or speak/encourage this person to remain in contact? Just my 2 cents...and I KNOW there are many many many cases where what I'm about to say doesn't apply, but in my life experiences, I don't know a guy who is friends with another girl but doesn't want to get into her pants...you can trust your partner... But maybe not other people. Oh heck yes, I count on other people being attracted to my partner as well as him being attracted to someone else besides me (it's natural the longer a relationship is really), as well as I know that just because I have a partner, I have not lost the ability to being attracted to someone else. At the same time I know I can resist trying/ don't want to get into bed with every guy that I might fancy and I rely the same way that my partner chooses to commit to me not because I happen to be the only person in the world he finds remotely attractive, but because he wants to be with me out of ALL the people he is attracted to (quite an ego booster if you look at it this way). So if my partner chooses to interact with someone who is interested in him, I trust him that there is a reason besides him trying to get a kick out of it that he continues contact with that person and that he will resist any unwanted advances, because he prefers to be with me. I don't believe in removing temptation, I believe in having a strong committed relationship despite all the temptations Link to comment
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