Son and Fiance Gone?? Need advice. Please

[redheadone]

Thanks,

 

I just hit bottom with it all again. I can't believe how much of a toll this has taken on me. The big fear I have is her stubberness. Even if she did realize she had made a mistake she would never admit them. Do you have much experience in thes situations? Why do you believe I should have hope? I really appreciate you input.

 

Thanks

[jasminebose]

Have been following your story and just wanted to say I agree with the last poster. It is amazing how much can change with a month or two. You might find that you are the one to move on! I wouldn't give up hope but its pretty clear that she is stubborn and will do things her own way. So you telling her how you feel and trying to make her see what she's missing is perhaps counterproductive. I know how tempting it is, I tried that with my ex but it got me nowhere. I think the best you can do is to think about what's best for you right now. If its any consellation, within 2 months of my break up I was happier than I've ever been with someone else. I know its hard and you don't believe it when an important relationship has just ended, but you will move on.

JZ

[redheadone]

Thanks for the interest. I am curious has your ex tried to get you back? Do you think 2 months is enough time to allow yourself to heal? I personally can't see getting into another relationship for quite some time(6-8 months) I really feel that the emotions from the previous relationship are influencing the majority of the decisions in the new relationship. As people say "filling the void" not really giving your heart the chance to care for the new person, for them. Well just a few thoughts. I hope you are happy in your new relationship. Once thank you for commenting.

[redheadone]

Hi,

 

It has been a long day. I plan to put a present in the mail for her son. His birthday is tomorow. I also had gotten her a mothers day card that is fairly nutral and was wondering if I should send it. I do believe that she is the one for me and she had felt the same for almost two years. She does have a history of making important decisions hastly and not looking back. I am trying so hard to not have any hope but find that I need that hope to get through the day. Please give some feed back on the mothers day card. This will be the last thing I will be sending to her. I just don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks for your comments.

[jasminebose]

Hi,

My ex did try and make contact after we split up but I wasn't interested. I see what you are saying about 2 months not being long to heal and ordanarily I'd agree with you but in my case I think subconsciously I knew it wasn't right for me and then when a guy came along that treated me well and had a lot of things that the last realtionship lacked I wasn't going to hang around! What I mean is, maybe it was easier for me as I could see the faults in my ex and the ways I was unhappy in the relationship. Anyway I'm now married to the new guy.

I think the mother's day card is a good idea, although it breaks the NC rule! I think it shows that you care and respect her ability as a mother. But be careful not to use it as an excuse to talk about the relationship breakup, etc.

Hope you are doing ok, just let time do its work!

JZ

[redheadone]

I have been considering a letter stating how deep my fealing are and the things I have been working on, how much her love ment to me and all the good thing that our relationship has brought to my life. This would be a final farwell and a dignified "I am strong and will look at the positive side of this" kind of letter. I just don't know if this is a good call or not. Mainly because mt heart is breaking more and more each day. I am going to start to see coounsler and possibly see a doctor for depression. I just don't know what else I can do. It has been a little over a month and the pain seems to increase. Do you think that the relationship talk I had with her this past Tuesday has set me back with her alot.(for her to realize what she is missing). Let me know what you think.

 

Thanks

[redheadone]

Iam really looking for some input. These days are still pretty rough.

[redheadone]

It seems that my heart has gone by the way side. I find myself being able to control the emotions better these days. Sundays are the worst because it seems that everyone I know is just hanging out with there significant others thusly being one of the loniest days ever. I have lost track of the number of days since our break up and am not seeing any hope. I had sent her the mothers day card and the gift to her son. I had called her last week to see if she just wanted me to drop the present off or send it. She didn't return the phone call. I have not heard from her since last Tuesday. I almost can't believe this is happening. I've been in this daise that seems to be lifting now. Reality is starting to set in. I know that I can do nothing et now to get her back. I realise that she is the only one that can bring herself back. So with this knowledge what is there to do. Continue the no contact, try to be friends, forgive and forget, etc? I really do appreciate your thoughts.

 

Thanks

[redheadone]

Has everyone forgotten me? I wish more people would comment. I feel so alone. Please tell me something.

[jasminebose]

I think all you can do is let her go and see what happens. I wouldn't try and be friends til you can honeslty say you don't want her back. Although you would still have contact then it will just hurt that you can't be anything more and you may have to see her go out with someone else. Are you ready for that? I think the best thing is to stick with no contact and try and keep yourself busy even if you don't feel like it. I t will get better, just give it time.

JZ

[AnotherChick]

I got caught up on your situation.

 

If this is the first time you've been through this, then rather than focusing on your ex in this post, I just want to take a moment to focus on you.

 

You mentioned in an earlier posting that you had always been the guy with no emotions, whether by friends or your own admission. My guess is that since this is your first time getting into the "emotional weeds" what you don't understand, or no one has shared with you is that these feelings, thoughts and rationalizations are normal. Not fun, and can be unhealthy, but normal. I really hope that you have been working with your doctor and/or counselor to get through all of this. Whether or not your ex comes back, you will still need to learn to cope with all of these feelings. If your ex does not come back, this experience will make you realize what you want and need from another person to be successful the next time. If she does come back, you will know how to make it better between you two. In either case, the point is not to focus on your ex. She's gone right now. That's the here and now. You need to continue to deal with that reality. Another suggestion is to keep your focus on this reality rather than your hopes for tomorrow. Tomorrow will come no matter what you do and there is no point in worrying about it. This situation will progress no matter what, you can't control it and you absolutely can't worry about it.

 

You are absolutely right to care about anyone! What you may have overlooked is to care for yourself first. When you find yourself thinking about your ex, force yourself to think about what caused you to reflect on her, why you are doing it, and where it is getting you? Usually you will find the "what" is just lack of memories about a particular thing or place, the "why" is simply because you are letting yourself or have nothing else better to do, and the "where" is nowhere! That is pretty much the case for anything that worries you. In this case, it seems to apply heavily to your experience with your ex.

 

In short, you are allowing yourself to worry about this. Keep going out. Start excersizing, take a vacation, pick up a hobby, keep doing stuff! Just don't allow yourself to focus on the what or the why and when you are focused on those, remind yourself it is getting you no where!

 

Back to the stuff about your ex, I really think the point is moot. She has shared with you her decision. It may be short sighted, but that is all the more reason for you to embrace it. She has a lot of growing up and learning to do. It's not your task to help her or try to do that for her.

 

I really hope this helps. I don't mean to sound preachy. Just hang in there! Keep posting, I'm sure it helps to get it out of your head. This is a great place to do it.

[redheadone]

Well, it has almost been 2 weeks since I last talked to her. I still have not gotten any response from the mothers day card or the gift to her son. I guess I didn't really expect one. My heart is so lost right now. Went out with two friends friday night. One had broken up with his girl of 2 years on St. Patricks day and the other is in the process of breaking up with his girl/fience of 2 years. We spoke about the situation off and on through out the night. Until the first friend ex showed up at eh bar we were at. I could tell how hard it hit him to see her. It hurt me to see the pain in his eyes and scared me as to what I would feel when this happens to me. He had supposedly moved on and is dating a couple of girls, he had come accross like he was dealing with it well. I can't believe how hard this is. It is destroying my life. I am seeing a doctor on tuesday in search of some way to let the pain go. I can't go on like this something has to change.

 

Thanks for reading it does help allot that someone does care.