What To Make Of It...

[ziggystar]

So my story in short, GF and I were fighting alot near the end about a month and half ago. She was afraid of committing fearing loss of her independence, but yet afraid of lossing me. I was not understanding of her fear and got angry. We went back and forth pulling and pushing for a while, then decided we should take a break. After 2 weeks, we got together for dinner, and she basically tried to break up with me. I agreed with her, but then she started to back out of the decision, and told me she needed a few days. i said okay. a few days went by and she was still confused and had no direction. I then offered her a plan about starting from a clean slate where we would not go fast and get to know each all over again. she got mad and felt pushed. i backed off. since then (one month ago), we have maintained limited by friendly contact with me making no reference to relationship. neither has she. i want to work things out with her, but it seems it needs to be something she has to decide on. i don't push the subject, because of her sensitivity to it.

 

here is the thing, she has some clothes at my place, which she knows it's there. they are clothes that have sentimental value, which she would want back. she has not ask to get them back. and i have not asked her to take them back. i know if i ask her to take her things back, it would be final. and i believe she knows if she asks for them back, it final too. but that what i assume. I don't know what to think. we have tentative plans to go meet up for coffee soon, and it the first time in over a month since i've seen her. and she seems to be more relaxed communicating with me compared to a month ago.

 

i know i can't look into the future, but what do you make of all this?

[QTpie87]

how long have you been dating? how old are you? have you seen anyone sense you have not been seeing her? hope that when you answer that i can help you.

bye,

love Qtpie87

[ziggystar]

we weren't dating so long. it was about 6 months, but 6 intense months of serious relationship. i'm 37, she's 35, so we're not kids, but we may have been emotionally. lol

 

i have not been seeing anyone. and i have no idea whether she is or is not seeing anybody else. i doubt it though.

[ziggystar]

to tell you the truth. i know how to handle this. i just want to see what other people say. what do you think is going through her mind? does she want to get back together at some point or is she waiting until things die down a little before getting her clothes back? it could go either way, and i would be fine with that. i would prefer working things out, but if not, i've been through enough heartbreak many times in my life, and know that i can go on. but it seems like i'm in limbo right now.

[matt11b5]

I look at it this way bud. Shes not sure about commitment, you've made resonable attempts to fix things so you can slowly move into a commitment, and shes refusing. Give her her clothes back, and dont see her. That will be the easiest way for her to decide what she wants. Take control of the situation. You know what you want now its time to help her. Stay out of her life. When shes ready she'll call. If she doesnt call then so be it. Go out and be a man whore and have fun. I know its tough and I hate it that people have to go through these things. But if some clothes are whats keeping it held together then its already fell apart. Give her her clothes back and shove on.

 

I hope everything works out for you. Stay strong and know that whatever happens no matter how hard it seems you will be fine.

 

Matt

[ziggystar]

thanks for the support matt.

 

but like i said i know what to do. i just want to know what people think is going through her mind. i know it's a futile excercise, because nobody can really know what's going through her mind, but i wanted to see what people's speculations are. especially women's speculations, because of the relationship with their clothes.

[ziggystar]

besides i didn't go through a month of torturing myself to finally have a date on relaxed terms, just to nip it by sending her packing.

[strong1]

Coming from a chick's point of view..do NOT give her her clothes back. Put them in a bag..and shove them in the back of your closet where you will not see them daily and torture yourself about this.

 

Again, do NOT mention the clothes to her. She knows they are there. No woman alive loses track of her clothing. She will ask for them back if/when she wants them. She seems to be indecisive about her feelings now...keep it that way....it's in your favor. Read on.

 

These clothes are your ace in the hole. Asking her if she wants them back will just tick her off/upset her in some way. Keep them 'in your back pocket' until you REALLY need to use that excuse to see her.

 

When you think you're ready, we can work on just the right words you should use to bring it up with her. Until then...clothes..what clothes?

[Jen23]

I think that you should give her the clothes back. Don't wait for her to ask for them back. When you give the clothes back one of two things can happen.

1. She freaks when she realizes that she may have lost you and will want to get back together. Maybe the relationship will be better then ever. Maybe it won't.

2. She was thinking that it was over to begin with and you go your separate ways.

 

Either way there is closure or a clear direction.

 

Hope that helps

Jen

[ziggystar]

thanks strong1 and jen23,

 

i liked that both of you had two different points of view.

 

i happen to agree with strongs point of view. in fact i had already put the clothes in the closet before i read the post. she is indecisive. and if i did tell her to come and get her clothes, she would either come scrambling back or break off. i obviously don't want her to break off, but i also don't want to use a scare tactic to have her scrambling back. i want her to come to me on her own volition, easy and relaxed by choice, not fear.

 

and since i've posted this topic, i haven't made mention of the clothes. i was teetering asking her to come to get her clothes, effectively cutting ties, because i was impatient. but i held out and calmed down. no sense in blowing it up. I'M SO GLAD I DIDN'T...a few days after my post here and being more calm, i've had a flurry of contact with her and things are warming up again. and we're going for some breakfast, after she gets back from a trip home. let's just hope we'll be going to breakfast from the same place. i'm being overzealous.