Overcooked Relationship?

[AnotherChick]

So I have been dating this guy for about 15 months. When I am with him I am happy. He is the same way. He somehow manages to thrive on little to no communication. I don't consider myself high maintenance, but I do need a phone call or something just to know he is still there and cares that I'm still here. After a month break up, we worked through that little issue and so now he is attentive to my communication needs, and he doesn't balk when I inquire about him to get to know him anymore. So, things are fine now. Right? Not so much. Now that he has met his end of the bargain, I'm still left here wondering if there is really a future for us. I know I'm the emotional chick and he is the emotionally void guy (an extreme case) who has met me 1/2 way, but this feels like he's simply checking off his list of "to do's". We haven't said we love eachother. I'm not sure if I'm ready to say it. I'm certianly not interested in forcing him to say it or making him feel forced to say it. So, I find myself wondering if we are just spinning our wheels?

 

Anyone been here before? Care to share some words of wisdom?

[goodquestion]

Communication babe, communication ... on top of that, you got two simple options, dump him, or wait and see ... he met you half way, but if you need to know more, you need to ASK him ... if he refuses to open up after 15 months, and ur not the kind of chick who'll bolt if he shows too much interest (be honest with yourself - you seem not to be one who would bolt ...), then I guess it's time to call it quits ... just make sure you overtly tried to get him to open up ... some guys are like this, bc they've opened up to a girl too soon b4, and got turfed bc the "girl broke through is defenses" to early ...

 

l8r

[pip]

Hmm. Obviously I don't know you very well, or this guy, but it sounds like you need to ask yourself if this is really the guy for you. You've definitely given him a chance (15 months is a good amount of time to really get to know someone), and you've told him about your concerns.

 

It sounds like he hasn't really done anything wrong, and has really tried to give a bit more, but may be you two just aren't right for eachother?

[laurag78]

If he has met you 1/2 way then the question is, Why are you still buggin?

Maybe 1/2 is not enough for you and u want more. You need to sit and talk about how you are feeling. You have to wonder if maybe you are wasting your time waiting for something more that he may not be able to ever give you. Never settle for less. Life is to short. 15 months is a long time and i think by then you should know whether you love some 1. Do u love him? Do u think he loves you, but he's not willing to say it first? You need to talk to him and ask these questions. Get your answers and go on from there. Good luck. Let me know how everything works out.

[AnotherChick]

Hey Everyone, thank you for the responses. In case you are wondering about how things are, I only have to say "becareful what you ask for". I took the advice about communication. I just took a deep breath, decided if discussing this freaks him out then it's a good clue about what I need to do next, and threw it out on the table. I simply asked, how he felt about the relationship, any comments, concerns, etc. Mentioned that it seems odd we are moving so slow in the "I love you" department, and what are his thoughts on this. His response...which shocked the heck out of me...was...well, "things are fine. I think this is just our own pace. However, I want you to know that I'm really starting to realize I want to have kids in the next couple of years." After I quit reeling and my head quit spinnining, I simply pointed out that I just want to fall in love and could we take a few steps back and talk about that. So, my "problem" has morphed in another direction. But this problem I feel in control of. But, WOW. That was such a shocking turn of events I just had to share it. Thanks to all of you for the advice.