Gave her my number too early?

[Knight of Hope]

Hey there, I'm posting this because I'm feeling paranoid and stressed out (big exam tomorrow), so keep that in mind as you read, I guess.

 

Well there's this girl I met through link removed. Let's call her Mia (not her real name). Well I sent Mia a message a few weeks back, and she took a while to respond, but when she did, her message was very positive. I messaged back and gave her my AIM screen name. So I've been talking to Mia on AIM every night since Sunday.

 

So basically, I really like her. If there's such a thing as internet chemistry, we have it. We talk about completely random things all the time, and I get the impression we are both highly entertained by our conversations. Last night, I told her "You know, we have really random conversations. But I like that. She responded, "Me too. I really look forward to them." Well, that last quote isn't exactly how she said it, but I'm pretty sure it captures the meaning. Well, I took that as a sign of interest. And I added that to her seeming to be receptive to the small classy compliments I offered her in previous conversations. I'm kinda pretty sure she is/was into me? (Hard to tell on the net)

 

Anyway, at the end of the conversation (this is AIM conversation #4 by the way), I gave her my phone number, and I told her she could call or text any time she wanted.

 

She responds, "Oh - I got a phone number"

I respond, "Yep! I like talking to you a lot, and I'd really like to get to know you better."

She responds, " Aww thanks. Well - goodnight"

 

Notice she didn't give me her number. Well anyway, I let her go, and didn't press her for her number, though I'll admit I wanted it (and still want it). I figured maybe I surprised her by giving her my number right then. Or maybe I was reading her wrong and she was never interested. Or maybe I just don't know her well enough yet and she'd rather talk on the net for a longer period of time before bringing the phone into the picture. Or maybe it's something else.

 

So sorry for the rambling here. But what's going on? Did I give her my number too early? Any advice on the matter would be helpful. Feel free to tell me to take a chill pill, too - maybe I'll be ready to listen to that advice in the morning.

[erase this face]

How long ago have you given it to her? Have you spoken since?

[Knight of Hope]

Gave it to her last night, and I haven't heard from her since, though that could easily be because I've been studying all night and haven't had my AIM up until now (11:40pm my time).

[waveseer]

I wouldn't take offense and being offered a number. Did you ask her for her's?

[erase this face]

It's been a day. You're being far too impatient.

[Knight of Hope]

I didn't ask. I didn't want to pressure her about it. It felt like the right time to offer her my number, but it didn't feel like the right time to ask for hers. Vibes in the conversation just didn't feel right to ask her for her number. If that makes sense.

[waveseer]

You are golden then. She isn't going to stress having your number. Either she will use it, save it, or lose it.

[Knight of Hope]

You are golden then. She isn't going to stress having your number. Either she will use it, save it, or lose it.

 

Hoping for one of the first two options. Of course. lol

[Shudder]

how come you didnt ask for her number?

[Ammy]

I don't think it's an issue at all. It sounded like a natural progression!

 

Hope she calls / texts soon!

 

Ammy

[Knight of Hope]

Thanks for the responses so far. I'm feeling a lot less worried today than I was last night. I just didn't know what to think, I had an exam this morning, and I'm a bit of a worrier - so I got paranoid. I still wish she had given me her number, but I'm not feeling paranoid anymore.

 

Anyway, I know I don't know this girl very well, but I've felt a pretty good connection with her, especially with how receptive she's been to my compliments, and how she told me she likes our random conversations so much. So yeah, like I said before, it felt right to give her my number at the time. I was a bit thrown off when she didn't give me hers in return, but it didn't feel right to ask her for it, and so I didn't.

 

Not fun waiting - but I guess I'm learning a bit what it's like for a girl after a date, waiting for that guy she likes to call. So I guess it's good that I'm learning to understand girls better, though I'll admit it isn't a fun process. Never thought I'd say I'm glad to be the one asking! Always thought it was easier for the girl, that all she had to do is wait. Guess that waiting isn't so easy. lol

[quirky]

i think she wanted you to ask for HER number and YOU to call her. Why else would she say "oh, I've got a number" (so you ask for it) I have sometimes found it weird when a guy gives me his number (though I have now realised he does it out of respect, trying not to push me), makes me think laazyyyyy wants me to do the work. If I do like him I'll text him, not call.

[notsogood]

From my experience from online dating which recently is a LOT haha this is how it works or I think should work.

 

You want to meet the person you are talking to sooner rather than later. As in within 2-3 weeks MAX. This way you can find out if they are psycho or sane and if there is any chemistry. You both know there is something there so it doesn't matter if you give your number to them or ask for theirs. Usually I give my number to the girl and leave the ball in their court. They do one of three things here. Call or text me within 2-3 days. Reply back and say sure here is my # feel free to contact me too (positive sign). Or 3 is never talk to you again. Keep in mind option 3 is not because you came on too strong, it's because they are at a crossroads of should I take this further or not.

 

You did the right thing. Basically give it a few days, stay off aim for a while so it seems like you have a life outside the internet and see if she calls. If she doesn't by Sunday log back on aim and wait for a reply. The ball is in her court though.

[notsogood]

i think she wanted you to ask for HER number and YOU to call her. Why else would she say "oh, I've got a number" (so you ask for it) I have sometimes found it weird when a guy gives me his number (though I have now realised he does it out of respect, trying not to push me), makes me think laazyyyyy wants me to do the work. If I do like him I'll text him, not call.

 

Kinda true and kinda I disagree.... Online dating is weird and different than real life I find. I would never give my number to a girl first in real life id just ask for theirs. In online dating I give mine out as you put it not to push them away.

 

I also took the "Oh - I got a number" to mean she was happy she finally got a phone number from the guy she likes.

[Knight of Hope]

My thoughts exactly. I like her. She seems to like me. Things are going well, so let's step this thing up and see if we're really compatible, or if all the attraction was just an artifact of the internet.

 

Looks like it's going to be option 1 or 3 for me. Probably more likely to be option 1? *shrugs* That would be my guess. Or option 4 - which is that she'll talk to me on AIM some more sometime later, and if things go well, then she'll call. It may be hard to take your advice on AIM, though. I have other people I talk to as well, including another girl that I'm interested in. I wouldn't want to sign on as invisible and to tell this other girl (Girl B) "I'm trying to show another girl I'm interested in that I have a life outside the internet", but I wouldn't want to lie to Girl B, either. But Girl B and I have our first date tomorrow, so I guess it wouldn't be too weird to stay off AIM until Sunday.

 

 

 

I was kind of thinking it was this, too. Maybe it's just wishful thinking - but I hope it's not! The only reason I have any doubt is because she didn't offer her number in return. *shrugs again*

[coldplay.]

Heres the trick, never give a woman your number, ever.

 

Now the power to have anything to do with you is in her hands, and is submissive.

 

Ask or tell her to give you her number, not only will the assertiveness be sexy but also you wont have to post on online forums asking if and when she will call you. Think about it.

[Knight of Hope]

Heres the trick, never give a woman your number, ever.

 

Now the power to have anything to do with you is in her hands, and is submissive.

 

Ask or tell her to give you her number, not only will the assertiveness be sexy but also you wont have to post on online forums asking if and when she will call you. Think about it.

 

I disagree. There's a difference between respect and submissiveness. Respect means bowing to the other person's wishes on occasion even if you feel differently. Submissiveness means always bowing to the other person's wishes - basically being a doormat. Respect is one of the bases of any good relationship, submissiveness is not.

 

I didn't demand her number (as you seem to be advocating) because I respect her and her boundaries, not because I want to be submissive in a potential relationship with her. I've known her a bit over a week - for certain girls, pushing so hard so fast is a turn-off. I know many of these girls, and this one could certainly be one of them. Me giving her my number means that she knows for certain that I'm interested, and she doesn't feel too much pressure. Some people move more slowly than others, after all.

 

Yes, it sucks waiting. But I'd rather wait than scare her off.

[coldplay.]

It comes down to this, your sitting around waiting if shes going to call, when asking her for her number eliminates that, if she says no thanks, NEXT. If you dont want to call NEXT. What so special about this girl there are 3.5 billion other ones.

 

I dont see how asking for someones number is going to fast? Its not like you tried to kiss on the first date, heavens no! Even if she was just a friend it would be polite to have her number. People with no intentions what so ever exchange numbers no problem, but since you like her the game has changed...? thats already not a good sign.

 

but your right, dont demand it, tell her "hey, you should give me your number" then hold your phone out. I think most girls in this thread would agree with that.

[Shudder]

she also may not call you. so you may just be waiting forever lol

[Knight of Hope]

It comes down to this, your sitting around waiting if shes going to call, when asking her for her number eliminates that, if she says no thanks, NEXT. If you dont want to call NEXT. What so special about this girl there are 3.5 billion other ones.

 

I dont see how asking for someones number is going to fast? Its not like you tried to kiss on the first date, heavens no! Even if she was just a friend it would be polite to have her number. People with no intentions what so ever exchange numbers no problem, but since you like her the game has changed...? thats already not a good sign.

 

but your right, dont demand it, tell her "hey, you should give me your number" then hold your phone out. I think most girls in this thread would agree with that.

 

What's so special about this girl? It's hard to say for sure. We get along great in our AIM conversations. We're a high compatibility match on the site. That's all I really know. Hence wanting to get to know her better.

 

Anyway, some girls think the game changes when there are romantic intentions involved. I've met a ton of them in my life, enough that I'm careful enough around most girls that I don't overstep my bounds early on - too much anyway. P.S. I haven't met her in real life yet, so I couldn't just hand her my phone. I typed it into an instant messenger and you can read what happened after that. Haven't seen her online since, and she has not called. Which leads to...

 

she also may not call you. so you may just be waiting forever lol

 

Partially correct. She may never call. But I won't wait forever. Coldplay's right: if she's not interested, NEXT! So I'll wonder about it for a while, but it's not going to stop me. I actually have two other women lined up - another online (we have a date tomorrow) and one that my aunt wants to set me up with.

[quirky]

Heres the trick, never give a woman your number, ever.

 

Now the power to have anything to do with you is in her hands, and is submissive.

 

Ask or tell her to give you her number, not only will the assertiveness be sexy but also you wont have to post on online forums asking if and when she will call you. Think about it.

 

I agree.

 

Also here's a girl's perspective on this. My point of view has a lot to do with age as I didn't use to think that way when I was younger. All the people I have dated were the romantic, sensitive, respectful guy. They were TOO afraid to hurt me or offend me that in the end I felt like I was ruling the show. Like all answers had to come from me, when do I want to call, where do I wanna go..

 

Coldplay is right, nowadays I see this as submissive, because ultimately it makes the woman become more assertive/aggressive and she gets put off. Can't tell you how many times I was frustrated the man wouldn't take the lead. Those guys also now from their experiences have stopped being that way because it didn't make them feel strong enough in the end. And when the guy doesn't feel strong enough to provide, the woman senses it and pulls away. I repeat this has a lot to do with age. And personality of course.

[Knight of Hope]

On the other hand, it's not like all the answers have to come from the guy, either. Sure, the guy should take the lead. But he doesn't need to micromanage every part of the relationship, either. A good and lasting relationship is a two-way street.

 

Also, if I was too afraid of accidentally hurting or offending her, there would have been a lot of things I never would have said. For example, after only talking with her a few nights (maybe 2), I told her she had pretty eyes. It wasn't a random compliment - it didn't quite fit into the conversation, but it was close, so I went ahead and said it. I gave her that phone number, even after having only known her a few days - some girls might be put off by that, especially younger ones (she's 21 and I'm 23) or ones who want to take it slow.

 

But telling me that I did it wrong won't help me with this girl. I'll log that info away for future reference, but let's get the topic back on track here. Is there any way I can fix this? Do I push her for her number the next time I see her online? Do I keep doing what I was doing (which was to flirt with her and get to know her better on AIM)?

[quirky]

Best of lucks!

[Knight of Hope]

Turns out I'm an idiot. I've been talking with her tonight, and she brought up the compatibility test I took (comparing me and her). I scored 100% (completely honest answers). I got tense for a while - I didn't know what she was going to say! But she seemed really glad I tested that high. The discussion continued, and it came out that she was apparently going to text me but lost my number. I have her number now, and I'm going to give her a call tomorrow (she agreed to this). I need to stop worrying so much!

[Shudder]

Turns out I'm an idiot. I've been talking with her tonight, and she brought up the compatibility test I took (comparing me and her). I scored 100% (completely honest answers). I got tense for a while - I didn't know what she was going to say! But she seemed really glad I tested that high. The discussion continued, and it came out that she was apparently going to text me but lost my number. I have her number now, and I'm going to give her a call tomorrow (she agreed to this). I need to stop worrying so much!

 

 

so just how how are you an idiot? you have her number....