A Hurdle we couldn't cross

[newlife21]

he said he loves me , all the time, but he cannot provide me with the tiny emotional support that i requested today. i sms him politely to say i need support, and help, and no reply. then i said you ignore me when i asked for help, i have nothing more to say. after that i switched off my phone.

 

not the first time this happened, again and again, i found excuses for him, i adjusted myself, i don't throw tantrums anymore, i don't raise voice anymore, i don't slam door anymore, i completely grew up. i improve and improve to make it work, he is still the same.

 

i did not attack or offend him, two days ago i said i was feeling unhappy and we should only sms for the next few days and not talk because i don't want him to hear my unhappy voice. i didn't even want to impose on him to make me happy. he only sent two cold sms the next day. this morning i asked for support from him, no reply. i was just hoping for a nice friendly sms reply and i would feel better. ( i am easy to pleased.) and i realise it is time for me to wake up. i realise i cannot depend on him at all when i am feeling down. 3 years we were together, he is in mid 40s.

 

i just hope for some comfort when i feel down, don't all women need this? i learned from books, i don't demand, i don't complain, i asked nicely, anything negative i don't say it out, i had put in my best, the same thing happened again. i am too disappointed to continue with him, i want out.

 

i will try to minimise the pain now, i don't want to feel too sad, is not worthed. any kind words would be appreciated to soothe my pain...thanks.

[top bloke]

I am soo sorry for your prediacament it makes me sad whem people just dont take care of each other or when one just takes. Its not good.

I would like to share something with you.

We have people in our life and we are brought up to believe that we need them to be truly happy in ourselves. This is not true. But many of us believe this. The fact is that when these people do not come through for us that we lose ourselves. The goal is to be able to love ourselves first..put our faith in ourselves and be able to be centred in ourselves no matter what our partners do..our mothers do or fathers or anyone for that matter.

I know its not easy to realise this and its a hard lesson learnt but I promise you that when you achieve this frame of mind you will wonder why we let ourselves get hurt by others at all.

I am not sure if I make sense but I sincerely hope it helps.

We are here to help so keep posting.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What kind of support did you need?

i did not attack or offend him, two days ago i said i was feeling unhappy and we should only sms for the next few days and not talk because i don't want him to hear my unhappy voice. i didn't even want to impose on him to make me happy. he only sent two cold sms the next day.

 

I am not quite sure why you would tell your partner not to call you. Have you had the unhappy voice before and then he loses patience? There are a lot of gaps in this story to it is hard to advise without knowing the whole story.

[quirky]

I feel for you, it's obvious you're very sad from the way you're writing so I'm sending a cyberhug ((( ))). Honestly now, sounds like you're walking on eggshells. I know, I've been there. Don't go looking for fish at the butcher's. He can't give you what you want, only YOU can do that for yourself. Consider he doesn't exist. I attached a link that made sense to me, might help you x

 

link removed

[newlife21]

thank you for your reply. can you please elaborate more? that means do we or do we not need other people for some form of happiness? or just be happy by ourselves? thanks.

[newlife21]

What kind of support did you need?

 

I am not quite sure why you would tell your partner not to call you. Have you had the unhappy voice before and then he loses patience? There are a lot of gaps in this story to it is hard to advise without knowing the whole story.

 

unhappy voice means i sound moody. i always try to sound happy when we speak on the phone, he couldn't handle if i am sad.

 

so i was feeling sad these two days, we are having a semi long distance relationship and he is away for two weeks already. i feel lonely and sad, but i don't want to impose my moods on him, i also realise i am having pms, so i said we don't talk for few days but sms.

 

support i was hoping for is " how are you today? i hope you feel better." but i guess this is too much to ask for. really breaks my heart.

[top bloke]

I believe we can enjoy other people and have great fun.They can help our feelings of happiness and a good relationship nurtures .We can love people ...but at the end of the day we must be strong in ourselves to realise that we can go on in life on our own two feet if need be. We need to be able to love others yet be independent in ourselves to live with dignity and not be put down demeaned or held back by anybody.

[newlife21]

I feel for you, it's obvious you're very sad from the way you're writing so I'm sending a cyberhug ((( ))). Honestly now, sounds like you're walking on eggshells. I know, I've been there. Don't go looking for fish at the butcher's. He can't give you what you want, only YOU can do that for yourself. Consider he doesn't exist. I attached a link that made sense to me, might help you x

 

link removed

 

thank you for your kind words. this time i think i really give up. i had done my best. the first few times when he did this to me, i was devastated. i remember i was having mense and cramps and weak emotionally, and asking for some support ( some nice words from him), he wouldn't.

 

he has tons of sweet words when he is feeling normal, but come on, it is during hard times i need it more. love is being patient and kind, i don't feel any from him when i need it, and i seldom need it. what if i marry him and fall really sick one day? i must wake up and realsie no fish from the butcher store.

[top bloke]

In a marriage it is in your time of need that the support is most important. If you arent getting that then what is the point? Fix it or end it.

[newlife21]

this is what i think too.

 

not praising myself, but i sent him a last sms few hours back " i don't hurt people with silent treatment, just wanna inform you that i had switched off my handphone and can't read sms."

 

it is frustrating and hurting to wait for a reply, i am not keen to read his reply if any, and from the past, during fights like this, his replies are always hurting instead of comforting. i had been shocked too many times. but i don't want him to think that i do ignoring thingy like him, so i sent him that sms and am happy with myself.

 

i find the ignoring act very rude and not respectful. to do it to someone you claim you love is totally out of the question, i cannot accept it. i feel better after venting and crying here. thanks...

[newlife21]

i didn't wake up devastated, just a dull unhappiness. i didn't even dream of him which i used to everytime he "dumped" me. now i feel that all his "dumping" in the past could be his way of manipulating me, made me go thru hell.

 

this round, i confirm to myself that he is cruel and cannot depend on, i don't care what is his decision, but it is my decision to end things. i haven't told him my decision, and i am coward to face his decision too. i would never know his decision is real or just another strategy, so i don't want to know and without knowing, i won't react and fall into his trap.

 

all my life plans are screwed up now. we were planning to buy a house and start a family. now my life is back to empty, i lost my source of joy. i don't know if i could find it again.

 

i insist of not wanting to think that i am in the wrong this time. everyone has the right to feel moody once in a while, he does too and i have no problem supporting him. if he couldn't be nice to me when i am moody, there is no hope in this relationship. my heart suddenly aches right now. this is so crazy, i still don't understand how difficult can it be to be nice to the one you love. i read this passage, it says the only explaination is these kind of men are defective. i am so sad to think this way about him, but it had happened so many times already, i can't find anymore excuses for him.

 

i feel sad, but not as devastated as the time when i was dumped by him. i am quite sure he had sms me that he is ending this, i am not gonna read and i dont care....