people think i am upset, worked up when talking...

[thetruth]

ok this is general, not restricted to dating. it's just convo tips sounded like the best category for it.

 

I think very fast, i tend to speak very fast. Everyone i know takes this as me being upset, or stressed, or in a bad mood.

 

Whether on the phone or in person, whenever anyone brings up something that they think might upset me, or get me stressed - like a project due soon - and I start responding , they take my talking fast as though they caught me off guard, or stressed me out. I should note, I do make effort to be warm , and smile , when i talk i am not cold ... just fast.

 

they start saying "it's no big deal, i was just wondering" and i will say "i know it's no big deal, i'm not upset i'm just answering the question" - but it's as though they don't believe me

 

it happens personally and professionally ... and I am sure i could make more of an effort to make them feel comfortable ... but why should i? i'm not doing anything wrong, why does it seem the only solution is for me to change?

[hexaemeron]

I used to motormouth myself Years of teaching international students cured me of that. Now I almost speak too slowly. It's not a bad idea, but it's totally up to you.

[thetruth]

I used to motormouth myself Years of teaching international students cured me of that. Now I almost speak too slowly. It's not a bad idea, but it's totally up to you.

.. i know .. i just feel so... slow, when i speak slowly. i make MORE mistakes speaking slowly because my brain is x10 compared to my mouth, anyway.

 

i was just hoping there was an alternative ... that's my lazy side coming out

[hexaemeron]

.. i know .. i just feel so... slow, when i speak slowly. i make MORE mistakes speaking slowly because my brain is x10 compared to my mouth, anyway.

 

i was just hoping there was an alternative ... that's my lazy side coming out

 

It's a conscious effort at first, definitely. Eventually though, it gets easier and "default"

[jenny_mcs]

Learning to control your intensity- when to dial it up and when to dial it back is a vital communication skill. I suspect that in addition to speaking very quickly, you may also be speaking louder than you realize. You are going to have to practice consciously speaking slower and with less intensity.

[agent1607307371]

it happens personally and professionally ... and I am sure i could make more of an effort to make them feel comfortable ... but why should i? i'm not doing anything wrong, why does it seem the only solution is for me to change?

 

Because you're the cause.

 

If you're making people uncomfortable professionally, then you're just hurting yourself professionally. If you're making people feel uncomfortable socially, then you're just hurting yourself socially.

 

I have a tendency to talk either a)very quietly, b)quickly or c) both. I just have to regulate my breathing and s l o w down. Just because it feels weird to me, doesn't mean it's coming accross as weird.

 

Your speech is something people will use to make judgments, so make sure you speek for the best judgements.

[thetruth]

Because you're the cause.

 

If you're making people uncomfortable professionally, then you're just hurting yourself professionally. If you're making people feel uncomfortable socially, then you're just hurting yourself socially.

 

I have a tendency to talk either a)very quietly, b)quickly or c) both. I just have to regulate my breathing and s l o w down. Just because it feels weird to me, doesn't mean it's coming accross as weird.

 

Your speech is something people will use to make judgments, so make sure you speek for the best judgements.

 

see, it only happens on things they expect me to get nervous about though.

 

when speaking casually, or even about things that DO make me nervous but they don't know - they don't react that way. it's only on bringing something up that they expect to bother me, do they "brace for impact" as though i had an explosive personality - which i most assuredly do not. by all outside accounts i am calm and collected, i have never had it said that i am over-excited, etc.

 

and yes, that could just be people being kind ... but most of the people simply aren't that kind. and not in a bad way, i'd rather have them straight out tell me.

 

and i maybe misrepresented it .. they don't seem uncomfortable, they seem like they feel it necessary to reiterate it's no big deal, as not to worry or stress me.

[itsallgrand]

Has anyone ever mentioned this to you?

 

Just wondering if it is your actual speech, or if you may be assuming that.

 

Many people have difficulty in bringing up difficult topics or facing what could possibly be perceived as a confrontation of any sort.

[thetruth]

no one has ever mentioned it, i have just noticed people jump to that higher level of apprehension, and try to bring me down a level as though i were getting excited.

 

i very rarely get excited, i am just a calm person. but i notice other people's changes in demeanor and attitude very easily, so you may be exactly right... wishful thinking maybe , but i could be entirely assuming they do this for me especially, when i am just noticing their natural reaction to what they think might be a confrontation.

[WomanWriter]

When people say "It's no big deal," they may be cuing you to slow down, even though it just sounds like they are trying to reassure you.

 

People can be bothered by intense speech because it stresses THEM out and makes THEM feel pressured. So while you may think they are telling you not to worry for YOUR sake, they may actually be trying to cover up for the fact that THEY don't want to hear it.

 

When I started getting animated over my break-up with my ex, my friend said "Hey now, don't get all worked up." I told her I wasn't getting worked up. I think I should have just taken it as a clue that she didn't want to hear about it. Most people probably won't say "I don't like the way you're talking," so instead they pretend to be concerned for YOUR sake.