typsygypsy Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Hi. My boyfriend and I are both 27. We've been together for 8 months. I know he loves me and is very attracted to me, but I'm wondering if he is the one with a problem or am I. When we give a long hug, he gets an erection. He also likes to touch OFTEN. He'll just grab my breast randomly or place his hand between my legs. I know we're a couple but there's a part of me that feels like it's too much. I feel like he thinks about sex with me all the time. Like I said, he adores me. But I definitely do not always want to have sex. When he does this, it actually turns me off. Recently, we were at a wedding. We were slow dancing for the first time ever and I swear he got a semi. This bothered me. I was wondering if people noticed, and it made me think. I view slow dancing as a sweet romantic thing. Why is he getting aroused? I wasn't being sexy. We were actually joking with each other and laughing during our dance. Is this normal? I just always feel like he's poking and prodding at me and if anything, it makes me uninterested and annoyed. I'll say something about it and he gets all embarrassed and says it makes him feel like he's doing something wrong. Am I the weird one? I'm starting to wonder if I'm just turned off because this happens every time we're together or is it possible that I'm just not as sexually attracted to him? Please help me! Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 aww, he gets turned on whenever he's around you. Link to comment
arcadefire Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I don't think there is a problem with him being aroused when he's with you, but randomly grabbing your breast and stuff when you're just hanging out seems excessive. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Oh thats my guy to a T. I'd hoped that things would die down, but after 6 years...we still can't even cuddle with him poking me. I've had to come to accept that he's a sexual being, it's who he is. He loves affection, closeness, intimacy and everything sexual. But I do feel the same. Its the fact that I can have it whenever I want that sort of makes me...rather indifferent about it. And at times its rather annoying to be sharing a sweet moment with him having an erection...but I really know that he can't help it. It's something we 'battle' over constantly. And he has to make effort to not be overly sexual..and when that happens I'm the one jumping him! So I think they are definitely related in some fashion. I can't really explain it..but it's who he is. Link to comment
owl27 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Hi Typsygypsy-- This has happened to me in a relationship, too. It made me nervous because I wondered if he got aroused every time he touched or hugged other women! So I asked him. He explained that because he loved me and because we were in a serious sexual relationship, touching me triggered that arousal response. Touching ME, not other women. I was flattered. It always pleased me and turned me on. However, I have to admit, after many years, I did begin to wish he had a more romantic side and less of a sexual side. I knew he loved me very much but I still felt like he only desired me sexually (vs romantically). After many years, our relationship changed drastically. After that, he stopped getting aroused when he hugged or touched me. Age may have something to do with it, too. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know he is normal. As far as how you feel about him, you'll need to explore that a little. Maybe explain to him that you want to have a little non-sexual romance from time-to-time. He may not be able to control his physical response, but he can redirect that energy to romancing you rather than having sex with you. Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 My ex used to get like that and I felt the same way you did. He said it was because he loved me and that I should take it as a compliment. He said love was very tied in for sex with him. Whenever we'd laugh together or be happy, the love he was feeling would make him want to express it sexually. I used to get pissed off and accuse him of just justifying his horniness. One day he wrote me a letter that said he felt "bad" and "dirty" because I made him feel like "wanting" me was wrong. He said that he cared about me emotionally and intellectually and that translated into physical, not vice-versa. I regret making him feel so bad. That was one of the many ways I contributed to the end of our relationship. I didn't trust him. He said I always thought he had bad motives when he was being sincere. So my advice to you is to TRUST HIM. You guys are only young once. Be honest and tell him you don't like him grabbing your chest in public, but do realize that someday you will probably wish you could go back to this time (I know I do). He gets turned on because the thought of you laughing and being close to him turns him on. That is a huge compliment. He could just be horny for everyone, but he wants YOU...because he loves YOU. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I'd find it embarrassing.... I wouldn't want a 24/7 horn dog, it would turn me off. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I guess it varys from person to person in the way of how much affection is too much. But at the end of the day him finding you sexually attractive is important. Since it's too much just let him know. Oi! Save it for later. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I'm sure your boyfriend just finds you irresistible and he can't take his hands off of you. My boyfriend is the same just as well, he is constantly horny but I realized that's just the way he is. He has a high sex drive and so do I. Link to comment
Cardinal Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Sounds like his sex drive is just much stronger than yours. From your slow dancing example, I'd say many couples get physically turned on by it. If I was slow dancing (lets say alone) with a really hot girl, the only way I wouldn't get a semi is if my equipment wasn't working quite right. I'd expect that. I think you are confusing your typical reaction (sweet romantic thing, not sexual at all) and expecting him to also see it as sweet and romantic as well. but do realize that someday you will probably wish you could go back to this time (I know I do). And this as well. Link to comment
Hikapo Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 LOL. That is the highest form of compliment a guy can ever give you. Getting erections every time. Be proud. The touching is a little excessive though like most posters here have said. Link to comment
furious Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 lol. Of course he's going to get an erection when touching you like that. Long hugs, dancing... If he DIDN'T get an erection, then there may be a problem... otherwise, it sounds like he is either sometimes too affectionate or your attraction to him is waning. Link to comment
Bella20 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Well, some guys really are major horn balls. Are you his first girlfriend? It's a lot more common than you think though, so don't worry about it... Link to comment
Lonewing Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 ...see, you insist on separating the sweet and romantic from the sex and sensation...and for some of us guys, it all goes together naturally...the closest we feel to you is when we're cradling a boob or meshed up next to you...And yes, we want you. All of you. All the time. That erection is a response to romantic stimuli! Why do you think guys don't like watching romance?? In my case, it's due to the physcial response I get - it turns my on, physcially! Sometimes through the whole friggun film...and a hardon for an hour and a half with no relief is simply unbearable! If you don't want us to want you all the time, we understand. There's lots of other girls on this planet for us to look at and fantasize about, as there is also playboy and porn. In time, a little outside recreation and we can easily tamper with our desire for you by surplanting ourmental image of you in our minds with that perfect image of...mmmmm...from the magzine rack. Just let it be known that you don't want us and we'll move on! Link to comment
sanadee Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 OP, in honesty I'm not seeing the problem here. I'd think this is a good thing and not a negative thing. it seems like his sex drive is high, and he finds you attractive. Link to comment
bingedrinking Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Oh don't worry, in a few years he will get bored of you and you would be wondering why he doesn't do that anymore. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Oh don't worry, in a few years he will get bored of you and you would be wondering why he doesn't do that anymore. LMAO I choked when I read this. What bingdrinking said is most probably true I'm afraid. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Hi. My boyfriend and I are both 27. We've been together for 8 months. I know he loves me and is very attracted to me, but I'm wondering if he is the one with a problem or am I. When we give a long hug, he gets an erection. He also likes to touch OFTEN. He'll just grab my breast randomly or place his hand between my legs. I know we're a couple but there's a part of me that feels like it's too much. Please help me! He sounds very sexual. there is nothing wrong with that and it's normal for a new couple to become highly arounsed just from a hug. however if you are uncomfortable with him grabbing your crotch / breasts ramdomly (especially in public places), you need to tell him. you need to be clear about that. tell him how you feel and set limits about his behavior, but don't worry about his erections, they're natural. Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 LOL. That is the highest form of compliment a guy can ever give you. Getting erections every time. Be proud. . woa I wouldn't take it that far. sounds like a very chauvinitic point of view to me! (nothing wrong with the erections, see my post above, but frankly you make it sound like a woman's highest acheivement is to give a guy a hard on. pleeeeeaaaase!!!) Link to comment
JusticeLaw9 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I can understand the part about randomly grabbing you up and touching your goods out of the blue; I get how that can make a woman feel uncomfortable, like you're just a piece of meat out in the wilderness. As far as "that" is concerned.... at least it still works. Obviously he really has it in for you and is highly attracted to you. Do you know how many women out there in the world would kill to have their S/O get one of those just from a hug? You better enjoy it while you can! Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 aww, he gets turned on whenever he's around you. brings back sweet memories from the beginnings of my last relationship.... we both couldn't keep ourselves from the most delicious sensations when we did so much as hold each other!! oh the nostalgia..... Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 My boyfriend is the same way but I definitely don't mind it. I'm flattered that he finds me that attractive..but I feel the same way about him, so maybe that's the difference and the reason why I don't mind. Link to comment
liquer Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 My wife is the same with me and it's great, shows how much she wants me and is sooooooooo flattering dontcha think? So oh not could never get upset by it think it's great and shows how were are such a great couple and so deeply in lurve with each other. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Perhaps you could start looking at sex and romance as something that goes together. Instead of sex being purely lust. Link to comment
typsygypsy Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Wow. I thought it would take a week for a reply. Thanks everybody. The reason why I posted this is because I knew it was I who had the problem. I've never been an overly affectionate person and I know the last relationship I was in was based on sex. I just think a lot and eventually began thinking that this guy I'm with is on overload and that maybe my sex drive is too low. Clearly he is the normal one in this relationship. Link to comment
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