Happiest26 Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 The title says it all. I went through a lot with the first two exes, and thought I had my heart in check. I met guy #3 and he convinced me to open my heart up "just one more time so he could show me he was good". Suffice it to say, he played me, too. I thought he was my soulmate. Now I wonder if there is such a thing. Can anyone give me hope that there is such a thing? Link to comment
Anyway Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Can anyone give me hope that there is such a thing? No, I can't because in my opinion there isn't such a thing. It's a fantasy made up by Hollywood (e.g.). At this point I've gotta ask my most favourite question: Do you think humanity has survived for thousands of years while most of it was waiting for "the one"?!? In my experience the one is often an illusion created by people who want a prince (or princess) to come along and save them from the difficulties of life. That won't work. Mostly they get exploited by players and left alone wondering. Live your life to the fullest and leave the door open for potential partners. The moment you don't depend on "the one" you start trusting your gut and start rejecting the players. Why? Because you don't need them anymore. Does this mean you won't find love? No, I'm sure you'll find it but to put it bluntly you sound like someone who has to work on herself for the time being. Get independent and confident, the rest will take care of itself. There's a saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Think about it... Link to comment
Lonewing Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 In the case of my ex, she has 2 and 2 as well. She had me for 2.5, she has a new one now. Her issue is not the boys - her issue is HER. Basically put, when the same results occur time and time again with completely independent partners, its time to start looking at the one common denominator - MY EX! She bases her commitment entirely on how her heart feels about the relationship...She's doomed! I wish it wasn't so, because there are so many good men who will be hurt by her, but in the end, I have to recognize. Link to comment
bear314 Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 You know it took Thomas Edison 2,000 tries in attempt to make the incadescent light bulb. When asked about it he responded, "I found 2,000 way not to make a light bulb." There is someone at the end of the road but you need to keep trying if you ever will find him so one day you'll be the "happiest." Keep it going strong and things will turn out for the best and you will find the one. I promise Link to comment
catfeeder Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 How quickly are you moving from one man to the next? You may not be taking enough time off from relationships to break a pattern you don't see. Patterns remain invisible without the patience and courage to fly solo and do the work of gaining new perspective. It takes time and distance from intimacy to change the stuff that drives you toward intimacy. When you do that, you not only change what attracts you, you also strengthen your ability to hold out for nothing less. You also change what others find attractive about you--so you stop attracting cons because can no longer be conned. In your corner. Link to comment
SnowFox Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 what are the commonalities of these three relationships? If you could post there, perhaps people here could give you some outside perspectives. Link to comment
LAYAAN Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 This has been a very good advice thread. I'm getting to learn a lot here. Thank you everyone! OP, my friend has been in similar situation. She is in India, married x2, divorced x2, now she hates men, thinks that all men are bad. But she is not willing to take a hard look at herself. Please don't do that. I totally agree with catfeeder and anyway's advice. Very good advice! Hope you follow that. Link to comment
Knight of Hope Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Just to add a little more on the topic of soul mates: I don't really believe in them either, per se. I believe that there's a set of people in the world that you're going to be truly compatible with and can really fall in love with. The one that you find and marry is then labeled your "soul mate" by everybody (probably including yourself). The others in this group would have also made great spouses - you just found one of them first! Anyway, tinu, glad you've found help on this thread! Link to comment
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