good, the bad, and ugly of divorse... any legal recourse?

[shemojo]

Question regards how to legally remove an uninvited and unwelcome stranger out of the home, when a soon to be X invites them to stay?

 

My friend is going thru a bad divorce with his spouse who committed adultery multiple times over and destroyed their marriage. My friend was shattered. They are not yet even legally separated, and there was no physical abuse in the situation, but there are young children. The soon to be X has tried everything in their power to throw the spouse out of the home, before any divorce proceeding are finalized. Both have lawyers and the case is headed to court, but the lawyers were dragging their feet in attempts to negotiate out terms. In the interim my friend was instructed by the lawyer to stay in the home with their children and the soon to be X, as long as everyone could live civilly. It's been only a few months and the problems are escalating. The soon to be X had moved out several times in anticipation of forcing the spouse to get out. When that did not happen the soon to be X become worse and manipulative in effort to force the spouse out, bringing home strangers into the home and blatantly having open affairs in front of the spouse and children. My friend is really at a loss to keep life as normal as possible for the kids under the circumstances, and that means no strangers in the home late at night or overnight parties in my friends opinion. The soon to be X simply has no sense of responsibility here. The house/property is legally in both their names and no terms have been established to date. The soon to be X has been demanding to be awarded the house in the divorce case. The soon to be X has been bringing around strangers into the home, and as of recent a number of strange unknown persons have even moved some of their personal things into the house and/or stay to all hours or overnight, against my friends wishes. The behavior of the soon to be X is irresponsible and disruptive to the family and children, not too mention disrespectful to the spouse. Also, I worry to some extent for my friends life, as we do not really know or understand the soon to be X's intent with inviting these strangers into the home, other than to party and make my friends life miserable. For a number of weeks-month the soon to be X had moved out of the home demanding the spouse be moved out upon their return. In the meantime the soon to be X has been carrying on partying, manipulative with the children, and destroying personal property of my friend. All of these activities are disrupting the families life. Both lawyers have advised both of them that if they cannot conduct themselves civilly under the same roof then other arrangement must be made. The soon to be X's behaviors, irresponsible actions, and manipulative ways are anything but civil. My friends has been calm in trying to not only personally get through this time, until the divorce is finalized, but also trying to provide the children as stable and as normal a life routine as possible under the circumstances. Since the soon to be X returned to the house recently, again, after having ended another poor excuse of a short term relationship, the soon to be X continues to try to find means to toss my friend to the curb. Both their names are on the house title, and there is no agreement for either of them to leave the home. My friend is entitled to live in the home.

 

We are not sure what my friend can do to stop this flow of strangers invited to the home by the spiteful spouse, my friends views these persons as trespassing. Upon asking them to leave, the soon to be X tells them they can stay. Could my friend seek a restraining order against these persons in question or have them sited for trespassing if they do not leave the property if/when told, regardless if the soon to be X insist they stay? At some point I imagine these persons could be dragged into court as hostile witnesses of the soon to be X's partying behaviors, but as character references I doubt these persons would risk contempt and lie on the stand merely for a good time. Apparently, there is no law that protects one single spouse or property owner from the deviant disruptive actions of the other spouse? How can my friend legally demand that these strangers get out and leave the property since they both have legal rights to the property? Under what circumstances does my friend have legal right to demand someone off the property if the soon to be X is telling these persons they can stay? The soon to be X is doing this, mind you, in attempts to push my friends buttons and force my friend from the home. Our fear is that neither my friend nor I not only do not know these persons and their relationship with the soon to be X, other than partying, but we do not know what they are capable of. Also, there are concerned that the situation may deteriorate, and that the children could be negatively affected. We contend that if the soon to be X wishes to carry on and party into all hours of the night or invite strange persons to sleep over or stay in the house (this is while they are still married, not even legally separated), then the soon to be X is acting in a less that civil like manner. If the soon to be X insist on causing continual disturbances in the home life and inflicting their reckless lifestyle on the spouse and children, who btw have every legal right to live in the home, then the soon to be X ought to be the one moving out, until such a point in time that a court decides the outcome of the divorce case and to whom the house is awarded. The soon to be X has been inexcusably irresponsible in respect to any obligation to maintain civility in the home and particularly in front of their children. I am honestly starting to wonder if the soon to be X has become something of a substance abuser, meth or crack addict, has bi-polar disorder, is manic-depressive, or perhaps has had some suppressed form of abuse as a child that has since emerged and manifest itself into the reckless lifestyle changes we have witnesses. Knowing this person for as many years as I have and seeing what I see now of them, it 's hard to say what triggered the abrupt change in life, moral values, and behaviors, but clearly the life style choice has degraded beyond belief. Naturally, that comment is entirely speculative, but seriously what causes someone to throw away a good, loving, solid marriage and family, as if changing the paint color in a room, in preference for a life of diabolical partying and sex with strangers?

[liquer]

Have you seen an attorney? When it comes to legal advice see an expert.

[shemojo]

"Both have lawyers and the case is headed to court, but the lawyers were dragging their feet..."

 

there are lawyers involved seems no one can answer this question. I am looking more for a reading of similar cases whereby a person tried to get someone out of their home and off their property. and the other party say for them to stay. Each state differs in how they handle trespassing, disturbances and legal property rights of owner, but when one owner of the property is pitted against the other.... who knows what the law or courts will interpret as trespassing, disturbance, etc...

 

Let's pose the simple question: if your spouse came home on night with a complete stranger and invites them to stay overnight in your home, what would your reaction be? what would you expect in terms of protection of your property rights (your given rights as to enjoyment of your property)?

 

Sadly I think even to get this answer, a judge will have to rule over what is acceptable behavior in the situation.

[Lonewing]

Yeah, the judge will have to rule. Looks like both people seem to understand that possession is 9/10ths of the law...I hope it ends swiftly and smoothly...D-day is a horrible horrible day.

[lostandhurt]

The best thing to do is document everything for the court. If all this is going on then parental rights will be affected. Being unfit to care properly for your children and provide a safe and normal life is looked at carefully. Tell your friend to document everything and get the full names of everyone that comes to visit. These names will come in handy later and their backgrounds can be checked. The stbx is basically digging a great big hole.

Since both names are on the title then each can invite anyone they want into the home. If you feel the children are in danger call Child Protective Services and get their advice. They may want to visit and see for themselves. If they write a report it will help your friend as well. I have seen CPS force a dangerous parent out of a home before. Make sure your friend doesn't exagerate anything.

 

Good luck

Lost