ville77 Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I need some advice and I will try to keep the whole story as short as possible. I have been with my g/f for 5 1/2 years. We started dating when she was 18 and I was 25. She was very mature for her age so the age difference really was never an issue. We moved in with each other immediately and even though she always worked, I always provided all the financial support. For a couple of the years she took online college courses so I provided all the financial support during those times. We had many problems bc of the toll it took on me paying for everything. We took a break 2 years ago when she stayed at her parents for a week bc we were arguing all the time. After a week we were back together and things were great. But all this time she has felt like she takes advantage of me, and she said she cannot fully take this to the next level without knowing that she was able to support herself and that she needs to know she wasnt just staying with me bc it "was the easy thing to do". We are currently taking another more serious break apart and she has decided that if we are going to work out taking this to the next level she needs to know for sure that this is right and the only way to do that is to get a 6 month lease on an apartment and support herself. She said since she has never supported herself or provided for herself this is something she has to do. She also has questioned whether she needs to expierience dating like a normal person since we never did that, we just moved in right away bc it was the easy thing at the time bc she had no where to live. There are some more issues but these are the main ones, basically she needs to find herself and know we are right for the right reasons before we take the next step. Heres the problem: She wants us to start from scratch and just "date" when she moves into the apartment instead of living together literally 24/7 like we had for almost 6 years. Is it possible for her to really get out on her own and determine if we can move to the next level by going from living together for 6 years to "dating" a couple days a week and living apart? Isnt this one of those situations where the person who has the questions should take a clean break and we should have no contact? I want her to truly dig deep and know what we have together, and figure out and know if I am what she wants for the rest of her life. Can this be accomplished by starting over with small steps and weekly contact or does this truly need a complete break with no contact for as long as it takes to either grow apart or her heart to grow closer? The one thing we both know 110% is we are absolutely BEST friends, we do everything and anything together and enjoy it. We are both the type of people that have very few close friends, I only have one or two and so does she. We were never the type to hang out with other friends very often bc we were always so happy just doing things together. We have talked about this many times and still both agree we are best friends on top of everything else. She just eats herself alive by not wanting to regret things later after marriage or kids and she just needs to find herself at this point and 100% know we are right whatever it takes to do that. But at this point she definitely needs the break, I just want some good advice on what kind of space is best, even if that means letting go completely for as long as it takes her to know in her heart if this is right or not. Please help, ask any questions you may have if I wasnt clear. Thanks! Link to comment
adamt Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 Give her all the time and space she needs. Meanwhile you look after yourself, get on with things as if you are now single( i dont mean sleep around). do things for yourself and think about how you are going to begin to move on. She may come back and say lets work it out but you cant put your life on hold Link to comment
truebluefna Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I agree with giving her the space she needs and taking this time to look within yourself and know what you truly need and want. Its hard to go from 24/7 being together to just a little contact, but if she truly loves you, it will all work out. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I agree - give her what she requests. To the point about age, I know you are trying to downplay it a bit, but it really IS signficant here. It's a natural and not surprising outgrowth of her lack of experience and independence. If you do break up and move on, I would strongly advise dating women closer to your age. I don't mean that to be harsh or judging - just to help you avoid pain. Link to comment
ville77 Posted September 17, 2009 Author Share Posted September 17, 2009 I agree - give her what she requests. To the point about age, I know you are trying to downplay it a bit, but it really IS signficant here. It's a natural and not surprising outgrowth of her lack of experience and independence. If you do break up and move on, I would strongly advise dating women closer to your age. I don't mean that to be harsh or judging - just to help you avoid pain. She needs the space but she also wants to still loosley date each other and do things every week on our days off. I dont see how she can soul search, live her life free for the time, and figure out what she wants if we keep seeing each other off and on. Would it be good to say "lets just take time apart with no contact and if you reach a point you want to move forward in a way even starting off slowly then you come see me"? I think she has to know what shes losing to know if thats what she needs. Link to comment
Hobbes Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 I agree - give her what she requests. To the point about age, I know you are trying to downplay it a bit, but it really IS signficant here. It's a natural and not surprising outgrowth of her lack of experience and independence. If you do break up and move on, I would strongly advise dating women closer to your age. I don't mean that to be harsh or judging - just to help you avoid pain. 7 years? It's not that much, certainly not significant in my opinion at least. I know everyone is different. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted September 17, 2009 Share Posted September 17, 2009 7 years? It's not that much, certainly not significant in my opinion at least. I know everyone is different. It's not the 7 years, it's that she went from mommy's house right to his house. She's never been an adult. That's what this is about. Link to comment
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