MyNinja Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 hey everyone My boyfriend of almost 1 year has me a little concerned. We have been having a great relationship and all this whole year. In the very beginning of the relationship he told me his whole history about the girls he has dated, his ex wife and the fact that he used to be a gang banger and a drug user and how his life has been turned around and how he has managed to stop using drugs and getting out of his gang. I knew all his background and he hasn't been doing anything up until recently. Yesterday he told me that one of his friends called and asked if he could come over to help move some things around his apt. My bf told me this and said he was going over to help. I was like, "no problem". I asked him about how long he would be and he said he didn't know. I then told him to come back to my place when he is done because the last time he went over his friend's place he went straight home afterwards. He left around 6:30 yesterday and returned at 11pm last night. This is the weird part. He went straight to the bathroom to brush his teeth and then when I went to look at him, he had this white power substance on one spot on his nose that he didn't know about until I told him. I also noticed that he wasn't sweaty and dirtly like he gets after he works and moves things around. I mean he did say he was helping his friends move some things out of his apt. He is a heavy sweater and he wasnt sweaty or smelly at all. He just came in a brushed his teeth. I then went to kiss him and he had this strange taste on his mustache area that I couldn't make out what it was. I can't describe the taste, but it was distinctive! Now just this morning, he called me on his way to work asking if I would help him not go to his friend's place anymore because his friend always keeps him around too long and that he is tired when he leaves. this is all weird. I didn't suspect anything until last night, nothing makes sense! I don't want to accuse him of doing this and I don't really have any evidence ...it's just a gut feeling..what do you all think? Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 The powder sounds suspiciously like cocaine residue. But its not concrete evidence. You could just ask him and be like 'Look I wont be angry, but I noticed...;' Link to comment
Scylla Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Hmmm... The white powdery substance is in fact cocaine (there is no such thing as white pixie stix, sorry!) and it seems to me that he is inadvertently trying to get your help on breaking his addiction. He's asking you to make sure he doesn't hang with his friend - so his friend must do it often and he falls to the pressure or more tempted you know? The brushing the teeth thing made me think he was with another girl (I tend to think guys who cheat often come home and wash up and brush their teeth or whatever to get rid of all the girl stuff), but if he is doing this, he doesn't want you to taste it? Sometimes cocaine users rub some on their gums for some odd reason (never tried it, my mother was an addict so I tend to stay away from that stuff). Lastly, my advice to you: Once a user, almost always a user. I'd like to think my mother is clean but if you know someone who's done it for a looong time, it's almost always tough to have them break free FOR GOOD. You don't know for sure how long he'd been doing drugs, right? I mean, you just started dating him a year ago? It's a tough situation because in time, you will almost turn into a 'co-dependent'. Which means, he'll be dependent on drugs (if he's doing it-which seems like he is..), and you'll be dependent on him-wondering if/when he's doing it, paranoid he's high as you're with him, trying to catch him, etc etc. I learned this in group w/ my mother and it was pretty unsettling to have to live life that way (always on point and trying to catch them). In the end they have to want to help themselves -- WHICH, in a way seems like he is trying to do based on what he's asking of you. Good luck. Btw- how is his behavior when he gets home? Super hyper or sluggish? His eyes? Pay attention to details a bit and research on cocaine use online. Might be helpful. Good luck. Link to comment
MyNinja Posted September 14, 2009 Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 he was alert when he came home...he was wanting to have sex with me and seemed like he didn't have a care in the world. I didn't really see his eyes because it was dark in the room Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 sounds like coke. was it a bitter taste? Link to comment
MyNinja Posted September 14, 2009 Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 yes that's exactly what is was!!! It was a strong bitter taste that was a bit metallic or something...it was a strong taste Link to comment
HouseKitten Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Bring it up with him. The whole 'help me stop seeing my friend' thing sounds suspiciously like he knows he has a problem saying no and wants to stop, but hasn't told you so can't come right out and say why he needs help doing this. And the residue you saw and tasted - I can't think of any other explanation for that that he wouldn't have just told you about. Ask him. There's plenty of help out there now for people trying to overcome drug abuse, and if you're willing to help him then he has a good shot at it Link to comment
thetruth Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 i understand that it is illegal , and that it can cause problems for people. but is he good boyfriend? is he attentive, caring, loving? does he have a job? does he contribute to the relationship? do you love him? im not suggesting it's no big deal or let it go - i just want to make sure you don't over-react and throw away a good relationship because of something like that. it can be worked out and it's not the end of the world. it's obviously not ok with you that he does it - which is fair , you have the right to decide that - but don't think that just because he does he is a bad, or an lesser of a person. that being said, yes it sounds like that is exactly what he was doing. Link to comment
MyNinja Posted September 14, 2009 Author Share Posted September 14, 2009 I know nothing of his friends. Yes he is a great person. He's a drummer at our church...He loves to cook for me and he's always showing me affection and saying he wants to marry me and have kids with me and that he appreciates the things I'm do for him. he always says he can't believe he's with me because he had a crush on me sometime ago and didn't think it would go anywhere...so yes, he is a very good guy to be with Link to comment
thetruth Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 then work it out , don't overreact and walk away. amtjrtcet, that is childish and close-minded. to think that because it affected you one way, and you couldn't handle it and had to stop to live a normal life - that it affects everyone the same? i didn't have nearly any of the problems some friends did , i quit because it got old. i have friends that still do and are more successful in life and career than anyone else i know, with legitimate legal jobs. you are stereotyping out of ignorance. i quit as well - but i am not so close-minded as to think it is evil afterward. it's very very easy to overreact to something like that. and again - if you read my post - i did not tell her to just accept it or forget it , i told her if it was not ok with her to make sure he stops ... so where's the confusion? mo - it sounds like he has a hard time saying no . that's pretty normal in regards to drugs. my boss can't so no to his coffee in the morning - my mom can't say no to her chocolate. it doesn't make him any lesser of a good man. i would agree that he wants you to help him, and just being caring and supportive - but firm - will do that. let him no you are staying, but he needs to knock it off. you will help - but it's up to him. good luck! Link to comment
arsenal Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Just make sure that he stays away from his friends who he used to do drugs with. It is pretty easy for someone to stay off when they are in a new environment, but when exposed to their old ways, temptation usually takes over. One instance of doing cocaine doesn't mean that he is an addict so don't freak out. Be firm with him and make sure he doesn't do it again. Link to comment
piegirl Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 I can tell you that I once had friend who was a crack cocaine user. When we first became friends he told me about he had done the stuff in the past and that he had not done any in a very long time. Then he changed become undependable was always broke. He would disappear and his girlfriend/ or children would call me and ask if I knew where he was. Last time I talked to him was a few years back and he had lost his children and was basically homeless. Said that he was still trying to break the habit for good but so far had not been able to. I could not continue my friendship with when he was distroying his and his children's lives for a drug. This is just my experience I am sure that not all people are unable to stop doing drugs but it is extremly hard to do so. Link to comment
Imprecision Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Just to point out something... Crack and cocaine are different. From my understanding of your post, he is doing cocaine, not crack. Cocaine is generally easier to control than crack. I have friends who do cocaine recreationally, without any apparent detriment to their careers, finances, or public lives. Some of my friends did cocaine in the past, but now no longer do cocaine, simply because they switched circles of friends, making cocaine less easily available. However, cocaine can be addictive. It can decrease quality of life. (Just as marijuana can be addictive, at least psychologically, and can decrease quality of life.) I recommend that you stick with him. Don't panic. Spend more time with him. If he wants to quit, he can do it. Link to comment
thetruth Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 Just to point out something... Crack and cocaine are different. From my understanding of your post, he is doing cocaine, not crack. Cocaine is generally easier to control than crack. I have friends who do cocaine recreationally, without any apparent detriment to their careers, finances, or public lives. Some of my friends did cocaine in the past, but now no longer do cocaine, simply because they switched circles of friends, making cocaine less easily available. However, cocaine can be addictive. It can decrease quality of life. (Just as marijuana can be addictive, at least psychologically, and can decrease quality of life.) I recommend that you stick with him. Don't panic. Spend more time with him. If he wants to quit, he can do it. all true.... i like that you used the word CAN and not WILL. Link to comment
hexaemeron Posted September 14, 2009 Share Posted September 14, 2009 You know, I tend to be the really progressive, laissez faire one here, but this would be a biiiiiiiiiig no no for me. Once or twice a year as a one off is one thing. (I don't do drugs, but one offs I can tolerate) However, having a dependency on said substance. Oh hell no. We take you to rehab, or I take my ass elsewhere. End of story. Link to comment
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