Friends with benefits advice - what to do now??

[celtic11]

So I first met this guy when I was 17 and he was 25, and just finishing up with his divorce. He is my best friend's, boyfriend's best friend. I had a boyfriend at the time and he already had a friend with benefit relationship, another mutual friend of ours. After being friends for two years, I'm 19 he's 27, and hanging out, one night we ended up messing around with each other, me not having a boyfriend and his FWB relationship was over. We didn't have sex but a few weeks later, after going to the movies with a few other of our friends we ended up having sex.

 

Almost everytime we have hung out after that, a couple times a month I see him, we have sex. This has been going on for a year and ten months now.

 

Now within that 22 months, I have had a few boyfriends, and I've cheated on every single one with this guy (I know, I do feel guilty about it!). He hasn't had a girlfriend and says that he will never get married again (because of his first marriage). We've never talked about our relationship but every single one of our friends tells us, all the time too, that we just need to forget out problems and be together because we are perfect for one another. (I'm called the female version of this guy because we have so much in common)

 

Also within this 22 months, we have fought a bunch, usually about the way he treats me when we are around other people. Also, when each other finds out that the other has had sex with someone else. After a huge fight, about four months ago, he changed. He has been a lot more sweet and I hear from him during the day - rather than the middle of the night for a booty call- and its just to talk. He also asks me to hang out and do things, just us two, and I often spend the night. The past month, I spent the night six times, and we only had sex one of the times. He's more passionate recently too and I'm there when he wakes up in the morning, I use to leave after we had sex.

 

So now, I've realized that I have feelings for this guy and I'm not sure what to do. He's treated me worse than anyone ever has, but the best anyone ever has. I've been with him more than anyone else and he knows so much more than my best friend does. We've talked about relationships-not our relationship-but I know he is not interested in one. I would love nothing more if we could forget all the crap we've been through and make something between us. I don't want to talk to him about this, because I don't want us to stop being friends. I've hid these feelings for a long time but I just don't know what to do now.

 

Sorry this is so long, but I really need some advice!!!

[waveseer]

Your relationship with him is your primary one, meaning it will prevent you from having a meaningful relationship with anyone else. So you must choose one of the following:

 

1. Forgo 'traditional' relationships in favor of this one.

2. Give him the option of making this into a 'traditional' relationship.

3. Let him go entirely.

 

If it were me I'd go for option 2 and if it didn't work then option 3. Life is too short to be with the wrong one when the right one comes along.

[In the Dark]

He's scared of commitment from the divorce.

He would have gone through alot of grief and suffereing to make him becoome what he is.

 

You on the other hand have been unfaithful to your partners with this guy.

 

Do those thoughts cross your mind?

 

I'd say give him an ultimatum as you have grown attached to him.

 

It could be the beginning or the beginning of the end.

 

But you need to do this.