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If a guy doesn't ask out an interested girl, is it over forever?

Keraron

By Keraron
in Dating Advice

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odile Newbie

odile

Posted
Posted
Playing the waiting game is stupid and pointless. If a girl REALLY likes a guy, she'll step up and tell him herself regardless of him not talking the first step.

 

That's ideal, but unfortunately not always the case.

Have you seen any of the 'shy guys' threads?

Well, there happen to be shy girls, too.

 

Not to mention circumstances that can sometimes be a hinderance

(say, if you work together, or if there are other situational complications).

 

As for the OP query--

Let's say a girl really likes a guy but (for social norms?) waits till he asks her out or kisses her.

If he doesn't, will she necessarily loose all feelings for him?

Just because he didn't take the first step?

 

In some cases she might assume that because he didn't make a move, it proves that he didn't really like her (applying the very same logic that well-then just has!),

and decide to look elsewhere.

 

In other cases, she might try to put him out of her mind, but may secretly carry a tiny flame for him for a long time afterwards.

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D_Lish Rookie

D_Lish

Posted
Posted
Doesn't this somehow mean that girls don't work at getting a guy?

 

Men are the hunters, not the women....

 

Men are expected to be the pursuers, not the women.

 

The day I approach and pursue a man, is the day I suddenly grow a mans sex organs and possess a male brain.....until then, I will stick with my female role of being the pursued

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Purusha Contributor

Purusha

Posted
Posted

If it's social norms that have been holding you back she may well be aware of them and hasn't acted for the same reason, or that she's shy, or both!

 

It gets complicated at this point as she may imagine that you're not really interested, just after some attention, that there's something about her that you don't like and that's what's holding you back, there are multitudes of rationalities that can apply if a man doesn't try to connect. As well as the ultimate bummer, that he's (how many times have we now heard this phrase?) 'just not that into you'.

 

But I can also vouch for holding a flame even though nothing happened. Personally I don't have enough self assurance to ask a man out who hasn't approached or engaged with me because I assume that there's ultimately something that he can't bridge and that it's a deal breaker for him, so I don't pursue assuming that if he is after anything, maybe it's just sex and that isn't what I'm after (personally speaking).

 

To end all the in between BS that goes on the only way to know is to ask and find out I guess.

 

Good luck!

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Keraron Collaborator

Keraron

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Men are the hunters, not the women....

 

Men are expected to be the pursuers, not the women.

 

The day I approach and pursue a man, is the day I suddenly grow a mans sex organs and possess a male brain.....until then, I will stick with my female role of being the pursued

 

Isn't this highly stereotype and dependant on social norms?

 

Can't a woman accept the fact that also guys can be shy or indecisive?

 

Also, we live in a society that promotes equalness of genders...

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sara-pezzini Mentor

sara-pezzini

Posted
Posted

i asked my man out because i fellt there was something there and i even had to pursue him some more after that,and i always had the feeling there was something holding him back,fears or something to do with his past and i was right,we're now together for four years...but it took a long time to finally happen,but my feelings were just so strong that i couldn't just do nothing,and i am shy,very very shy!

i don't believe all the stereotypes if a man is interested he will ask you out,if a man doesn't call right away he is not that into you.

there can be a lot holding a man back as well!!!

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dr_styles Collaborator

dr_styles

Posted
Posted

Yeah sorry Keraron, I don't like it but I accept it, because, well, I have to. (Something I was never taught btw so I found out pretty late! bleh)

 

Good question though. heh, "lonely shy guy talks to a nice girl, isn't convinced so doesn't do anything, gets 2nd thoughts a few days later, comes on eNA and asks, finds out he should've tried, thinks of going back but it's a been a week or longer ... thinks if it's too late?"

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jul-els Experienced

jul-els

Posted
Posted
Yeah sorry Keraron, I don't like it but I accept it, because, well, I have to. (Something I was never taught btw so I found out pretty late! bleh)

 

Good question though. heh, "lonely shy guy talks to a nice girl, isn't convinced so doesn't do anything, gets 2nd thoughts a few days later, comes on eNA and asks, finds out he should've tried, thinks of going back but it's a been a week or longer ... thinks if it's too late?"

 

It's never too late. The worst case scenario is she expresses disinterest. That's part of the deal. You've gotta get through the no's to get to the yes's and then you've gotta go through the yes's to get to a good one!

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givinggirl Enthusiast

givinggirl

Posted
Posted

I am in this situation right now. I have been holding a flame for this guy for 1 whole year now. We flirt when out and text, but never talk on the phone or hang out other than our group. I tried a few times but he always had a reason to say no. Everyone in our group of friends talks about us getting together and people who don't know us think we are dating. His best friend told me that I was misreading him and that he wasn't interested....when he was one of the people who started egging the whole thing on. I decided to just ask if he was interested or not interested...he told me sorry if I gave you the wrong impression....I said, no worries, its ok and thanks for clearing that up, even though I didn't feel like he actually answered my question.

 

That was a month ago, just saw him for the first time since over the weekend and we sort of kept our distance from each other, but his actions still gave the impression of being interested. He is very shy, I am very shy, he had one bad relationship many years ago and hasn't been in one since. I think he is scared to admit that he actually does have interest in me. The point is, that I am not going to pursue him because of how he responded to my question, but I still have hopes that he will come around and admit that he is interested too. I am so interested that I can't even think about even possibly dating someone else. Until I feel that he is not interested, I will still have hope.

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