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[Jane00]

You've been on my mind so much these past couple of days. Thinking that I still love you and you probably don't even care about me anymore really kills me, still.

 

I keep wondering if you really feel guilty like you said, if you care about me at all. I feel this urge to know if you still think about me, if you miss me, if you would like to see me again. I've thought that maybe you haven't called me because you feel bad or embarrassed, because you think I don't want to talk to you after I didn't answer that text from you, or that you just want to give us both time... God I wonder if you will ever get in touch with me again. I want to see you and talk to you so bad. I don't want to have false hope thinking that maybe you feel this way too. I'll just assume that you want nothing to do with me.

 

I know, it shouldn't even matter anymore. I'm just torturing myself by thinking about that. But the truth is that I still love you. Even when I know you don't deserve it, you're nothing special and you're not good enough for me, I still love you. Not because of who you really are but because of everything that we shared.

 

None of this matters anyways. I won't ever contact you again anymore. It kills me but I know it's for the best. I'll just let you think that I have no feelings for you, that I don't want to see you or talk to you or remain friends, that I don't care about what happens to you anymore.

 

Goodbye my love... I really thought you were the love of my life. I do miss you and I want to hold you in my arms again and kiss your lips but I know that's not going to happen. I can't even feel attracted to anyone else. I don't want anyone else. You are all I want. I wish I could trade all these men who have shown interest in me, for you.

 

It's been so hard for me to fully accept the fact that you won't ever be in my life again. It hurts so much.

[Melting]

I now have my closure.... Goodbye friend, Hello work colleague!

[MarnDark]

Heaven knows I'm miserable now.

[dansmi12345]

I really, really don't care about you anymore. That's kinda liberating. Oh, and I told me friend (honestly) that I think you're a bad person. i really do. Ha, feels good to say.

[lalalollipops]

The idea in 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind' would come in quite handy right now. My memories are still fresh. My heart still feels raw in a way. Sometimes it's quite interesting how significant events that elicit strong emotions seems to stick in ya mind.

I've come to realise that every time I think back to the past, it's like a movie playing, complete with emotions felt.

I can't say I'm completely over the pain yet. Def over you, and have been for a couple of months, but the pain still lingers in me.

I don't hate you, I know this. Kinda hard to hate sb I loved so much. It's quite frustrating really.

[Jane00]

Ugh. I just remembered how much of a worthless sl*t you are. And that you are most likely with her and will be for a long time, because she has no dignity and you can't live without sex. And if you ever get in contact with me it'll probably be because she dumped you and/or you got bored of her. She can have you all for herself. She can deal with your broke a**. I don't want you in my life ever again, not even as a friend. It wouldn't be the same anymore.

 

And you know what else is good? I was going to buy you a $400 watch. Now I'll get to keep that money and get something for myself. And I was planning something really nice for your birthday. Now I don't have to worry about that either. I'll only worry about myself and my family and friends who were with me through this difficult time. I want to be over this as soon as possible. I've wasted so much time on you already.

[Notagoodninja]

Today the divorce went through. I have mixed emotions. I was sick most of the day and slept through it (thank God) but then had to go to a Halloween party. Then left and my heart sank and I hurt right in the middle of my chest...I was not going home to you. For some creepy reason, even though you abused me and even put me in the hospital a few weeks ago, the only place I feel safety is in your arms. I love your dark hair and eyes, the smell of you. Burying my face in your neck. I miss your hugs. You stopped hugging me. You pushed me away. You started pushing me away about 6 months ago and then a few months ago I realized you probably were cheating on me. You displayed all the signs and you started not wanting to come home, you wanted to work more and not spend time with me. You would not hold my hand, cuddle or make love. You hated to kiss me. You didn't want to shower with me anymore. You didn't thank me for running you showers, getting you fresh towels laying out your clothes, and making you dinner every night...

You broke EVERYTHING. I left my marriage with a tote bag. You broke about 20 TVs, cds, books, dvd players, you broke about 10 xbox and playstations. You put holes in the walls, doors. You slashed up our furniture. You broke your ipads and my ipod you threw away all of my clothes and things after slashing them with a butcher knife. You pretended a month ago that you were going to kill me with a knife. You tormented and tortured me and now I was diagnosed with PTSD. I dream about you every night, I wake up shaking and soaked in my own sweat. I had two dreams in the last two days about you with other women. My heart is broken. I wish i could forgive you but I cannot

I understand you are a mentally ill person with socio/path personality disorders. Even you yourself would tell me time to time "something is wrong with me, I know I am not right in my head, somethings not right"

But I just don't know why socio paths and psycho paths should exist. Should we lock you guys up in an institution so you can't kill yourself and others?

Why should you be allowed to live on this earth and destroy good people?

I believe when you die you will go straight to hell and there is 0 hope for you. How is that fair/ why did God make people like you? Why are you a sociopath and abusive? Why do you want me dead? Why did you tell me you would kill my family? Why did you tell me you hate me and my child? Why did you tell me people would find me dead in a ditch someday?

I'm not a horrible person. I give to the homeless, volunteer at schools and homeless shelters...I give to everyone I am caring. I tried to be the best wife I could be.

*tears*

 

When I was little all I wanted to do was be single, rich and famous. An actress and millionare. Then I met you and you told me no i couldn't have those things And I wanted you so bad that I gave up my dreams for you. I gave up my aspirations for you. All I wanted after a few weeks with you was to grow old with you. Growing up, that's the last thing on the face of the earth I ever wanted to do!

But then I met you and I changed, I thought it was you I would die with ...in old age.............

 

My girlfriends feel bad, they want to take me out. I don't even want to.

I met this ripped, gorgeous guy who wanted me over, but I don't even want to. I am not interested in dating I am no longer interested in men. I don't want to be with anyone again. I am no longer interested in love.

 

on the plus side I am feeling more like focusing on myself. I've been working out so much that I got myself sick. you wouldn't let me cut my hair, but I am going to get it cut into something sassy so I can get some sass back ...

You know that b job I wanted? well you said if I got one you would leave. Yet you never looked nor touched mine. You hated me.

So I am gonna get one, you know that?

 

The whole relationship you never said I was hot or beautiful or pretty. You would only want other women, never me.

I went out with a girlfriend last week because she's getting over a breakup too. Now when i am with you I feel so inferior, I hate myself and my body and feel fat, ugly and disgusting! I feel insecure and worthless and like everyone else in a million times hotter and better

But when I went out with her I got hit on and whistled at (I ignored them because I'm jaded apparently)

when i went out with her we went into some clubs and I was looking at the girls dancing and I thought OMG...I am just as hot as they are. I was just as skinny, I could dance that good, there is nothing wrong with me

My G you ruined my youth oh how you robbed me..................................

 

Here's what I hope for and I am sure all people in my situation hope for. In 6 months you bump into me, I have a brand new amazing body from working out, I am tan because you never let me tan, I have my teeth whitened- MAYBE a B job if I can get the money together..............................a new sassy hair cut (and you will be FURIOUS how DARE she cut her hair when I said not to...) everything that defies you and what you commanded of me. I want to do it I want to be it and rebel.......................I also want you to barely recognize me. I am gonna just have fun with this. Get a new haircut and contact lenses of a new color for fun. I am going to make serious changes. All for fun. You stole half of my youth anyway I really don't have any youth left now so I am going to live life for myself now and the next 20 years is going to be about pleasing myself and making myself happy.

 

I try not to think about you with other women I just keep having horrible dreams. The sad thing is, what man after a breakup doesn't IMMEDIATELY go seek women. HOWEVER...and I have enough male friends in the past where I know this is true...even if you're sleeping with other women you ARE going to think about me. NOBODY treated you like a God. And in your sick little twisted head...you sociopath..........you will MISS that I treated you that way. I was the perfect victim wasn't I? You will miss your victim, you will miss torturing me and hurting me, controlling and abusing me.

Any poor woman you find next will not tolerate you. One day you will find a new victim and you will get even more abusive with her because you've not managed to keep me and women in your past. One day she will leave.

I know 100% unless you find some 600 lb woman who has 0 self esteem that nobody is gonna stay with you. You WILL die alone. It's sad. Do you think about your gravestone

You're a sociopath. You hate your family and you have one friend. And you hate your wife. (ex)

So I say to you, who will go to your funeral?

bay, nobody is going to go to your funeral

 

But when you die, and you will because we all die sometime, we are not immortal, if you die before I do, I promise I will visit your grave I will put flowers on it and I will lay on it and I will miss you and I will hope you somehow made it to heaven. Because in the end, it's not very fair of God to create people that are mentally handicapped in a way like you and psychopaths are. I feel sorry for you all in a way, even though you are possessed by the devil and evil. Because you were born that way my sweet love. You can't help who you are and you cannot change. I love you with all my heart. But it will not do you any good for me to tell you that, I have to have no contact, no contact forever and forever and forever.

*tears*

 

I hoped that God could change you. I hoped you would let God in because if God created the psycho path and the serial killers and the sociopaths can He not save them also? Is it very fair for you to go to hell and burn for eternity. And for those who don't believe in that, would it be very fair for you all to come back in the next life as a roach or bat. Come on....

It isn't your fault you were born sick in your head. What really is very horrible is you do not believe there is anything wrong with you. Sociopaths do not change, they do not know something is wrong with them they lack in emotion and empathy and they only seek control.

 

I am very sorry about your horrible past. I am sorry you hate your mother. I am sorry you were abused. I am not sure if you were born a sociopath or if you became a sociopath I am confused, very very confused.

You put so many bruises on me the last 4 years. You destroyed my clothes, furniture, walls, bed, dresser, the ceiling, vacuum cleaners, tvs, dvds cds books, you destroyed your nooks every gift I gave you wallets sunglasses my jewelry my makeup my boots my clothes my lingerie...........................my notebooks....................my pens and pencils.....................even your own collectibles you ripped them up you stomped on them you destroyed everything. You destroyed the bookcases we got from Ikea together. You would throw away my food in the fridge if you got mad over nothing. You would dump out my shampoo, my conditioner, my lotion, you would just squirt it all over the place

One horrible sight I will never forget is coming home to a full bathtub full of water, my clothes, makeup, shoes, books everything under water completely submerged in water And you strangled me that day. You lost control and you strangled me and I thought wow this is how I will die but I was so angry with you for strangling me that I fought back and kicked you hard but you left bloody strangulation marks on my throat.

How embarrassing, how humiliating for me to go back to you because I loved you and with my friends HATING ME for loving you.

Sociopaths have to cause trouble because they live on highs. Much like a serial killer has to live on the next high and create destruction.

That is what you do my love, but you don't even know it

It's like...you have Alzheimer and you don't know because you have a disease and you can't remember..........you have a disease in your head and it's lacking and my God I feel sorry for you because as much as I hate you and am sooooooooooo HURT I know that you cannot help that you were born evil incarnate.

[Notagoodninja]

also I sit and torture myself wondering what you're doing. Who are you talking to. What are you feeling. I know you are at home alone and you are thinking. My counselor says you're thinking about killing me (lol) it's hard to believe that because I am still so completely in love and screwed up from the abuse but I am taking her seriously because she said she's seen women die constantly from spousal abuse. SHe says you're on the high end you will try to kill me. Is this sad to say if you did come to kill me, I'd say I love you and only you before I died?

[Notagoodninja]

Is it sad to say death seems sweet compared to the pain you gave me? and the agony? my crushed soul? my devastated spirit? my broken heart?

I do not really want to die. I am just saying sometimes the pain is too much and I love you so much I can never say goodbye and that would enable me to say goodbye to you

But I do not believe you will really kill me. Is this sick to say you don't even care about me enough to do so because you hate me so much

My counselor said you will miss the attention I gave you.

You hated it, HATED it that I was jealous. Because you womanized. But the counselor says that you secretly NEEDED that and you will miss it.

You will never have my affection again. I will never make love to you again. I will never feed you again. I will never buy you gifts again. I will never cuddle again with you on the couch watching tv shows and movies

We will never feed each other pretzel bites at the movie theater

We will never go shooting together again and off roading

 

I'd say YOU WILL MISS ME, ha. But you're a sociopath I almost wish you were normal so you COULD miss the "us" time

All the times I met you in the morning and brought you Starbucks...our favorite coffees and protein plates

It's soooooooooooo TRAGIC you're SICK, you have a DISEASE AND YOU CANNOT MISS normalcy! You are sick it's soooo stinking sad.

 

I am so sad because I didn't know you were a sick person when I met you. Again it's like being in bed with the devil and thinking he's an angel. You don't even know the person you're laying next to. All you know is the sweet, charming side that first hooked you in...

 

It is so good to journal and log how I feel. Anonymously

Also I wouldn't want to write this on paper and have someone ever find it

 

Here's what I WILL miss about my sociopath

 

I will miss sharing latte's with you in the morning and feeding you cheese and grapes from the protein plates

I will miss talking to you on the phone 24/7 through out your and my work weeks

I will miss texting you 24/7

I will miss sending each other photo's of our daily activities

I will miss your dark hair and eyes your freckles your smell I will miss hugging you and cuddling with you

I will kinda miss making you dinner even though you never thanked nor appreciated me or what I did for you or the running around I did for you

I will miss the sweet apology letters I got from you ever time you bruised me up and hurt me (even though now I am learning that sociopaths only do that because it's what is expected and they don't even do it because they care!)

I will miss our little diets and when we'd break them and go hardcore binging

I loved our little spontaneous shopping trips together it was fun buying things or looking at things with you

I miss the FIRST year we were together because then you actually would say I was pretty sometimes

You actually would get jealous of me the FIRST year we were together

I miss going to dinner and lunch with you and playing games at the table sometimes together in our nerdy way

I miss seeing my ring on your finger (you never kept it on and you broke about 20 of them at LEAST)

I miss coming up behind you when you played WoW and hugging you and kissing your face and telling you how much I loved you

I miss our pet names for each other the very most of all

 

Top of my head here's what I do not miss

I do not miss you constantly constantly constantly never making love to me

I do not miss you NEVER telling me I was pretty or attractive or beautiful

I do not miss having to BEG YOU LITERALLY BEG you to KISS me!

I do not miss you calling me names

I do not miss the time I was sick going to the hospital and you screamed and yelled at me because I was an inconveince to you. I was throwing up sick and you kicked me out of your car and scowled and hated me for being sick and you wouldn't help me and you didn't want me in your car

You never took care of me when i Was sick

you never took care of me ANYWAY

you never wanted to work out with me and gave me cold silent treatment if I did things wrong that you didn't like

You wanted me to OBEY you and you said wives have to SUBMIT and OBEY 100%

you had to ALWAYS be right

i dont miss coming home to chaos and everything being broken

I do not miss being abused verbally, mentally, physically and emotionally by you

I do not miss you saying I never did ANYTHING right

I dont miss you calling me a SLOB even though Id clean

I dont miss you calling me LAZY even though i would work two and three jobs at a time

I do not miss you calling me FAT and UGLY even though I dressed attractively and only weigh 120lbs

I dont miss walking through stores with you and having you check out every teenager that walked by

I do not miss being HUMILIATED that you would check out girls as young as 14 and 15

I do not miss you putting me down

I do not miss you telling me if I joined a gym you would murder me

I do NOT miss the HORRIBLE BAD WORDS U CALLED ME

I dont miss you kicking me and my child outside at like 2am at night often just cause I wouldn't OBEY you or something...calling me HORRIBLE names in front of a little child and sHOVING me with a baby in my arms out onto the cement

[Notagoodninja]

I know what you mean you sound like me "goodbye my love" "i will never kiss your lips I thought you were the love of my life"

I feel the same....he was my love, all I ever wanted and dreamed of in my little delusional head

And its like. they will prob move on and get some other girl in a week and here we are sad, saying we love them and dont even want another man in our lives!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[meoww]

I think I really don't love you anymore. You beat me to it by about 7-8 months, but hey, it finally happened. I wonder if there really are consequences--bigger consequences for the kind of things you did. Not only are you a cheater and a liar, but you're also an abuser. No amount of time is going to change that--what's done is done. Also wondering about that in terms of my parents. I wonder if there is really is a hell. Is it okay for me to happy that if there is one, they'll definitely be ending up there? I had no idea that once the closest ties are broken--you start to feel like vigilante justice is totally justified. Anyway--I'm trying to get past that feeling and embrace my new life.

 

Even the short list of terrible things you said to me caused immeasurable harm--and you never thought about that did you? You had a such a surprisingly bad upbringing though. I still believe abusers are made, not born. I hope you learn to break the cycle. I don't care about you--but it would be the right thing to do.

 

I used to feel so weighed down by the pressure to be small minded and petty but I'm strong enough to seek out different types of people now. Now I know there are so many good people out there, and that I'm not crazy for wanting to be loved and for wanting a normal, stable life. When I think about how my parents used to abuse me and try to control every aspect of my life, I wonder what caused them to have such a fixation on a helpless child. It's even sicker than I understood it to be in the past, the more normal I feel. I just wonder now, what happens to the 'bad guys'? Do they just fade out--or wilt--or do they change and become better people? and if they do, is it my fault that I let them abuse me? It's so hard to live with the feelings of rage--that all this completely unnecessary stuff happened to me. Like I told my mother, if I would have known she was never going to love me, I would have left home at 15, 16 and managed on my own. She didn't say anything back. She's so cold! I can't believe I'm her child, I am absolutely nothing like her. Thank god.

[Melting]

Do you know what hurts the most? Its knowing that I was nothing to you.... These last 8mths you have purely lead me on and you don't care.

 

These last couple of weeks you have been trying to reconcile and we even had a date for tomorrow lunch, but then this morning on went on FB and saw the beautiful, romantic post you had written to your ex. For 8mths you told me you were over her, you lavished me with loved and affection.... yet it was all lies, nothing but lies.

 

I am hurting so bad, the thought of seeing you on Monday for your first day at work, makes me want to vomit. I now have to secretly do my best to heal, whilst smiling at you, as we discuss work.

 

I don't know what I did in life to be so unlucky, first you dump me, then lead me on again, then I read you pour your heart out to your ex and every day I now have to get up in the morning to go work with u! Life is so cruel....

[lonelyheart2]

Have you really forgotten everything?????

[thelastsong]

I'm going to try to not let thoughts of you with her ruin my birthday. I wonder if you'll even remember. You didn't even buy me a present last year. I mean, I'm not materialistic and I know you're short on cash, but I would have loved a handmade card at the very least. The more I think about it, the more it seems that your "love" was all talk and no action.

 

Oh well. Happy birthday to me. Have fun with your fiancee and her cold, callous behavior and selfish way of using people for her own gain. You two really deserve each other.

[Airbag]

It's friday, and you're probably going out with some friends. Remember last year? Just the two of us, having fun and constantly smiling? I really miss that. I miss you. If I only knew how I could show you that we can be together again!

[Joanne19852010]

I can't believe we will never kiss again or that you don't want to

[Joanne19852010]

I think you thought that too at first...but now you don't because you've used me to heal and i can't heal because you won't let me

[Aleina2011]

I hate you and your annoying football team

[dabbledave]

I drunkenly sent you an email tonight with "Thank you!" in the subject line and a smiley face in the body text.

 

You probably wonder what it means.

 

Well it means I'm thankful for everything you've ever done for me. I'm thankful that you ever loved me. I'm thankful for the good times we shared. I'm thankful for the deep connection we once had. I'm thankful for breaking up with me and giving me the wake-up call I needed.

 

My email also means that I wish we could talk. But I can't talk with you in case you inadvertently hurt me with news about your new life. Yet because we were friends; because you were my best friend; I hurt anyway, because I can't talk to you.

 

I love you sweetheart. I love you unconditionally.

 

I also love myself now -- more than I ever have. Ironically that means I also have more love to give. And right now it's focussed on you. But you don't want to know. I respect that.

 

Thank you for everything.

 

DD

[Joanne19852010]

i don't want you back i want to move on

[Aleina2011]

I miss you so much - I must stay strong.

[thelastsong]

You are a selfish jerk.

[Aleina2011]

....

 

Whatever!

[Airbag]

Having fun at the party?

[Aleina2011]

I hate you