Post here instead of contacting your ex!

[LovelySoul]

karma will do her deed.

[WomanWriter]

L,

 

What is your new relationship like? I would love to sit down and talk with you sometime, but I know it's not appropriate. I wouldn't be able to handle it anyway, emotionally. But intellectually, I wonder what kind of things you two like to do together. Does she like videogames? She doesn't seem like the Sci-Fi type to me, but you can't judge a book by its cover, I'm learning. What did you do for New Years Eve? How's your nephew? Did you get your degree yet? What are you doing these days?

 

It's nearly a year since our break-up and almost our 8 year anniversary! Do you remember or is that the last thing on your mind?

 

Do you notice certain things about T that remind her of me or are you glad she's different? Do you miss the little things I did or did you find those needy and selfish?

 

Heck, if you did, you were probably right. I was needy and selfish. I really was. Maybe not so much, but definitely too much for you with all you were going through. I get it.

I hope you tell your girl if she starts getting too needy and don't just leave her straight up. Try talking to her. Somehow, though, I suspect you may be the needy one this time since it seems codependent roles often reverse....

[Melting]

You taught me a good lesson, how to trust nobody

[amabel196]

Why do I still feel this way Ricky?

 

I thought I was done with you - I didn't even contact you new years eve..

 

And now I feel as though I am back at the beginning. For heavens sake.

[vertigoxo]

If Hitler and Satan had a baby, it would be you.

[petite]

You have hurt me so much & while you're having the time of your life on your vacation, I'm not happy.

[dandan78]

I wish you were in a place to see how far I've come. I've still got a way to go, cos I still want us to get back together and think of you far too often.

Wednesday will be my last CBT session, I've then got a meeting with my care co-ordinator Monday to officially discharge me into the care of the GP and then I get signed back on the Wednesday.

So, 5 months after you ended it, I've come further along than in the two years we were together.

I'm the slimmest and fittest I've been in years (if not at least a decade), I've got a working car, now I just need a job.

And I did it all without you and in spite of what happened.

 

I hope that karma catches up with you soon and that I'm in a strong enough place to not come running to your aid.

[brett5673]

Was the time we had together truly just a painful memory now? i remember I used to make you feel wonderful and happy. Now all you do is make me feel miserable, in every nerve of my body. I feel powerless when I see you. It's the worst feeling in the world. you are blessed to have a life long friend to rely on. The people closest to me usually don't have time for me. why do i still care for you? Is it cause you are something i can't have, or do i feel there is something more? I don't know anymore. Before i met you, every day was a burst of oblivious optimism for everything in life. Now every day is a struggle to even feel remotely upbeat. Some days are really tough. Seeing you for the first time in 3 months has brought everything back, and I hate it. I haven't felt close to someone in a long time. When I look at your eyes i sometimes wonder if you are thinking the same things as me. When I think like that, it's a nice thought, but i doubt it's true. I wonder if you are thinking if we could just be friends again, and could laugh and love like we once did. Cause now you are 1000 miles away, we never speak, and i don't know much about you, but nobody made me feel as happy, and as lonely, depressed, and rejected as you have. I'd do anything to be where I was a year ago. I'd do anything to have a nice honest talk to see where we both are. From the little i know, it sounds like you are changing. it hurts me cause i know you are an awesome person, but i think youre dragging yourself down. i'll never wish a curse against you, but i wish youd lift this curse off of me.

[JonasWaingaro]

Happy New Year!? I guess....Still alive. Still sharing the planet earth with you. See that blue moon the other night? Yeah me too. Watching it (not)together. Funny you dumped me with the blue moon! Then another so soon and...nothing. So much for the wacky universe helpin' a sad dude out. So yeah, I now have a beef with the universe too. =p Anyhoo, just wanted to say I'm still around and sucking out all the marrow of life. Okay maybe not that great. I am drinking out all the beer of life though. Should end well.

[petite]

You want me to date and have fun, forget you, and stop loving you?

Fine.

You will get it.

 

You just proved to me how little I ever meant to you and how little you cared. You never loved me...I should have known better. I was your rebound, sad part is... I lasted over a year being your rebound...Pathetic. I don't know whats more pathetic, you for telling me that i was not good enough for you, or me for being so damn blind!

[amabel196]

I wonder if you have been thinking of me at all..

I don't suppose you have, seeing as you're with her.

[Alstott Fan]

A,

 

This is one of the hardest things I've ever written. The behaviors you've exhibited in the last few months have me enraged, scared and confused all at the same time. I've watched one of the strongest people I've ever known crash and burn and not care one bit and it haunts me. Even more than losing L or the things that have happened to me in my childhood. You've built emotional walls around you that go up whenever I try to talk to you and I have no other way to express anything to you. You're bound and determined to do what you want and to hell with everyone else and the damage you cause them.

 

Let me start by saying that I know there is nothing I know of that you or I have done in this relationship that couldn't have been worked out. No matter what you think or have been told, that is a fact. You claim to not want to work anything out, but A, your actions have always spoken louder than your words. And your actions have been of someone who doesn't want to flush down the toilet 10 years of life and love. I tried my best to give you your "space" and let you have your fun and not hold it against you, but now it's too late. You're too far gone and I can't deal with that anymore. Yes, I still love you. And yes, part of me still wants you back. But you've done so much to me and yourself that I am no longer in love with you and I can't take you back. Your "infection" was just the straw that broke the camel's back. It's your body's way of telling you you're doing wrong and need to stop for your own good. Now, knowing how you've twisted things recently you're probably thinking that dealing with me is what your doing wrong. That's fine. Believe me when I say I understand how and why you're thinking the way you are. I've been there and I know the rationalization and justifying that you have to do so you're able to sleep like a baby in the bed next to your "new" love and be able to go through your day without hating yourself. You're not special when it comes to things like this A. In fact, you're so typical it's pathetic.

 

What gets me is that I thought I knew the real you, when in fact the real you is the person you were when we met and you are now. I don't believe you ever truly loved me because I now know you don't know what true love is. Our "marriage" was a sham and you and I both know that it could have been anybody standing next to you in that church. You wanted your "day" and you got what you wanted. That's mostly my fault for giving in to you in the first place. As I've told you, I never wanted to get married. I never needed a piece of paper and a bunch of family members who don't give a * * * * about us to be there when I said and meant the words I spoke. But, in the end, it's my own fault for that day. I tried to make a * * * * * a housewife and I thought I could beat the odds. We both know I have nothing but bad luck, so I should have just took a look at my hand, folded and walked away like I wanted to, and almost did, three weeks before we got "married".

 

I also know now that there can be no "friendship" between us because you don't know what it means to be a real friend. Sure, you have A and a handful of other "friends" that you think are in your corner, but you're so oblivious to reality that you can't see how they talk * * * * about you behind your back and are only there for you when the good times are in full effect. What's pathetic is on some deeper level you know that is true, that's why you don't bother talking to them about things that are real. They only are there for you when it's party time and they want someone to go whoring around with them. You're so deep in your fantasy world that you can't even see that these are the same women you used to look down at. The behavior you hated in K is now the exact same things you are doing. But you know what, A? It doesn't matter what they said or wanted you to do, because in the end you're the one who did it. I understand that now and have taken my misplaced anger and hatred and removed it from them and placed it onto the right person.

 

When I asked you why you left one of the reasons you gave me was that I would do for you things I wouldn't do for myself. Well guess what A? That's what the love of a woman does for a man. It makes him want to better himself. When you used the excuse that I wanted to work out without you as a reason to leave, what I didn't even bother telling you was you were the last, and I mean VERY last, person I asked. I'd been asking people since '05 to work out with me and they all made excuses or refused, the same as you did. Most of these people were people you said were never really my friends. Well, you did the same to me, so what does that say about you?

 

As far as your "work", I've always accepted what you do as a "job", even though I knew deep down that it was always more than a job to you. It was a way for your low self image to get pumped up and have men throwing themselves at you. What I didn't realize is that you're no more than another wallet sniffing * * * * * like the rest of those * * * * s that do what you do. I guess the rose colored glasses were really being used by me for the last 10 years. Once again, that's my fault. You can take the * * * * * out of the club but you can't take the club out of the * * * * * . You and I both know that you'll never become a paralegal because that takes something called "work", which is something you've always avoided since the day I met you. If it doesn't come easy you just throw it away and move on. That's what you did with our relationship and that's what you'll continue to do with your life until the day you either * * * * the wrong "john" from that * * * * * house you and your fellow skanks work at and end up dead, or you trick another man, one with the money to let you quit, into loving you like you did me.

 

And speaking of wallet sniffing, I find it funny that you started having "doubts" about our relationship once my mother told us that there was no money coming to me from my grandmother. In fact, the same night you went off on me at E's was the same night my mother laid out how broke and poor my grandmother actually had become. You were willing to stand by my side when you thought the money was coming in, but the minute you found out that my grandmother was as poor as most of your white trash family you started looking for a way out. Are you proud of yourself yet? I bet you are.

 

I also find it funny how you work less now and have more money than ever before. Can you say "turning tricks out of the bar?", I knew you could. You have cash for a new cell, to drive around from G City to D to M and then meet up with whatever trick you're turning in that gas guzzler of a car. * * * * A, you even have money to go to a * * * * ing concert accross the other side of the state. You hardly give me enough to live off of, after cigs and gas I'm tapped. I guess it's a good thing I can't eat so I don't have to waste money on food and I can buy enough beer to actually drink myself to sleep, huh? Yeah baby, I'm living the high life. And I know, you're "sorry" about all this. BULL * * * * * * * * * . People who are sorry about something don't continue to do it. You're either lying again or you're getting some sort of sick pleasure out of all of this. To be honest, it doesn't matter which anymore.

 

Sex? Don't even get me started on that. With a teaspoon of work and understanding on your part you could have been having the exact same sex with me that we shared for the first few years. But no, you had to choose the easy way out and lay all the blame at my feet. You even tried feeling sorry for yourself and claiming that I wasn't attracted to you. Let me fill you in on something A. All through our relationship I ACHED for you and your body. To this day I still wake up hard as a rock after dreaming about you. But you never wanted to believe that. You always wanted to believe that I had a wandering eye or that I was more into porn than you. I won't bother trying to convince you otherwise because I know you and you're going to believe what you want to anyways. But you ARE WRONG. And if you can drop all the bull * * * * and walls you've erected around yourself when it comes to us I think you'll see that. I stopped "chasing" you because it made me feel like you didn't want me. And if that was the truth you should have said something, ANYTHING, to let me know that. I would have lost weight, took pills, whatever to make you happy. But that wasn't what you wanted. You wanted an escape plan and you knew if you just kept circling the airfield eventually you'd get one. Congrats A, yet again you got your way.

 

One of these days you WILL wake up from this dream world you've constructed for yourself and start to pay the price for what you've done. I tired my best to make sure that never happened to you but you're just too damn hardheaded to listen. You think you're going to end up like O and not my mother and grandmother? * * * * * please. You're acting so much like those two right now it makes me sick to be around you at times. I've seen the exact same actions and heard the exact same words from them that you're doing now, and I've seen the ultimate price for it. Bottom line is you are not a good person. You are not a good friend. You are actually no better than those two and I'm really sorry for what you are heading for. Remember A, the longer it takes for you to pay off your bill of evil deeds just means the more you pay when it does come due.

 

You left me high and dry, holding the bag and expecting me to clean up the fallout of your selfish and destructive decisions. Well, guess what honey? It don't work that way. Maybe if you didn't lie and cheat on me I might have went along with that. But you did to me the two things you knew would bring out the worst in me and now you get to deal with it. I hope your new boyfriend(s) are willing to help you pack up and move what I have left for you to deal with, because the days of me helping are done. I wish you nothing but what you have shoved down my throat since the day you decided to walk out, which is pain, suffering and heartache. I take solace in the fact that, odds are, one day you will actually care more about someone else than you do yourself and they will do to you what you've done to me and then you'll understand why you deserve all the pain and suffering that you're heading for.

 

* * * * off and die a slow death, * * * * . Sincerely.

[abandoned, too]

I don't love you anymore, but I'm still consumed by you.

 

It wouldn't make a difference what the answer was, but if I knew whether you still think about me, or feel any pangs of guilt for the way you acted at the end, it would make me feel better.

 

If you were guiltless, I could finish writing you off as the vapid, heartless scum that you have demonstrated yourself to be turning into.

 

If you feel bad, or ever think fondly of the three years we lived together and shared our lives, it would assuage my mind somehow. I don't want to get back together. I just want to know that I meant something to you. That, even if you still stand by your decision to throw away our relationship the way you did, you occasionally doubt your choice or feel like you made some mistakes along the way.

 

I don't want to think that I was with someone for so long, who could be as heartless as you appeared at the end. But, certain things that you've done and actions you have exhibited in the aftermath lead me to believe that your silence does not necessarily indicate that you have moved on -- in fact, it appears that your life is in the deepest turmoil since before we met.

 

Good.

[sweetleaf]

I hope you miss me the same way that I miss you.

 

I dream of you often. I can't get one out of my head....

[petite]

I can't believe how cold you were. My cousin passed away today and I'm mourning. you totally ignored my message.

 

I cant believe that you hate me so much and you know what? If you loved me, you would have gotten over our issues. I know that you definitely do not love me and you confirmed it today. When I asked if you loved me you said no. Yep. I get it.. So why am I surprised you didn't even say anything about my cousin passing away? I guess I expected better of you.

[hopelessincan]

Well............im disappointed. Im not even sure anymore who im disappointed in more. You for not doing what you promised, or myself for falling for your lies and promises.

Maybe i just expect too much.. But, we talked about it more than once and you swore you would make the effort.

When I saw the sadness and look of disappointment in your face last week when I tried to walk away, I really believed what you told me. Its now been a week, and I have yet to hear from you. Not a peep. Guess youre just too busy for me huh. Well. I dont need friends that are too busy for me. Maybe you just needed to feel like the good guy. Cause thats what you are right? Always doing the right thing?

Well here it is 2am and i have to go back to work tomorrow for the first time since you left. Thought id be able to drink myself to sleep. Cant even do that LOL!

i dont know why i told you i would be your friend. I think i was better off leaving you hurt and upset for once. Geez I wish you only knew what you have done to me. Its absolutely ridiculous. For someone who was so independent and tough, you wouldnt even know me now.

So...Im pretty sure you will call me, but just know that i wont be answering. And dont get mad, I know you will. But you no longer have the right to make me feel bad or guilty. And I think i am going to quit the team. Sure, youre right, I probably wont, but I wont be showing up for a while. I hope you are happy. Cause i sure am not

[hopelessincan]

ya know what? i think im actually starting to hate you. i should never have felt bad about denying you a friendship. Maybe you would have smartened up then. since im the only ex you ever wanted a friendship with...hmm i wonder why you cant let me go huh? cause you still love me? ya well too bad. omg im so angry at you right now.

[abandoned, too]

Did you really think I'd let you dictate everything that I could be?

[amabel196]

You have such a hold on me Ricky.. You told me to leave you alone and I did, but how about you leave me alone. Stop plaguing my dreams and my thoughts, just go away.

[petite]

Thank you for setting me free.

[amabel196]

Your brother is 28 and abusing the * * * * out of me! Tell him to grow the eff up!

Both of you need to, and god am I glad you're gone now.

You were no good for me, and you weren't even that great in bed.

[celestial262]

I don't hate you .. in fact I'm still very much in love with you. It sucks that we're not even making efforts to talk anymore. I need you always and forever. So much feelings inside for you.. just let me handle them alone because you just don't care.

 

I want to write you a letter but I'll keep it till my last breath and hopefully by then you're still much alive and able to read my letter years down the road. You will always hold a special place in my heart and I want you to know I never love anyone else like I ever love you before.

 

It was a mistake to be together, but I didn't regret any minute of it. I'm just glad it happened and you're right..you deserve someone else better.

 

~ someone loving you from far .. very far ~

[amabel196]

Why did I fall for you?

 

and what did you see in me?

 

Did you even love me Ricky? The night you left, you told me you loved me, only 2 hours before you left. Did you really? I wish I knew.

[jherring]

You promised to love me forever and then I find out you were getting married 2 days ago, after we split a month ago. I had my failings and I should of told you so many things, but its too late now. I know you are sick and will not be on this earth but a few more months, but I love you and always will love you. I will not stand in the way of your happiness, I was lucky to have known you and had you in my life for as long as I did.

[WomanWriter]

I have never experienced love for anyone like I did for you, Lee. It was immature. I was childish. But my love was sincere and I wish you would always know that. You did do me wrong and I'm not going to pretend it was all my fault. I know the relationship failed because we both didn't know what to do. Nothing can be done now. You're with someone else and I've moved on in some sense at least. The only thing I have left to say is thank you for everything you taught me--how to take care of myself and value myself, all the new music, movies, and other media you brought my way, the discussions that changed me views on life and beyond...all of these things got inside me, touched me, and changed me. Though I looked stubborn on the outside, you worked on me inside. I appreciate what you did and what you were. You were the closest friend I've ever had so far. Thanks.

 

If I could only ask one more thing of you, it would be that you remember me and "us" fondly, not as the depressive, weak people we were at the end. In that, I hope you are able to smile and talk to me the next time we cross paths. I hope your grudge or whatever it is you have against me melts into memories of something once special.

 

Please don't hate me or pretend I don't exist. I never tried to hurt you. I said mean things at times and I'm sorry. The atmosphere to communicate was not good. I didn't trust you anymore. I couldn't. My needs weren't being met and I know yours weren't either.

 

Please forgive me as I forgive you. You were my first love, Lee. I will always love you.