Am I overreacting??

[SimplySmashing]

So the situation is this. I'm in college. I met a guy last week who lives accross the hall and he seemed all right. All right enough that I decided to sleep with him. We used protection. A bad idea on my part, but there is no way I deserved what he did next. After said sex he noticed a small red stain on his shirt about the size of a quarter. With horror I remembered that my period had only just ended and told him that was what it was. He seemed ok with it and muttered something about hoping it came out.

A few days later he told me that we could only be friends because I had sex with him on my period. I was totally shocked. I apologized about thirty times prior to this about the shirt. He said it wasn't about the shirt, he was worried because STDs are easier to get then. I didn't get it. We had used a condom. It hadn't slipped off we had no problems. His main point was that it was "just disgusting". I understood that and felt that he really should have told me if it was that big of a deal but I accepted it.

A few days later he followed me home from dinner. I discovered he was high and had been smoking pot. He accused me of stalking him. To be fair I hadn't been avoiding him. We live in the same dorm so its hard avoid people but believe me I avoid him now. I told him I would stay away if thats what he wanted. I must have sounded upset about it. He asked if I wanted to be with him still. I said honestly I liked the sex but that was about it. That set him off. He told me I got off easy as far as the period thing went. He said "You're lucky. Any other guy would have punched you in the face. Only * * * * * * have sex on their period." I was completely shocked. I felt like crying. He noticed. he followed up with "Don't cry. If you cry and make a big deal about this I will up your life. I have up peoples lives before." I was scared after that. The conversation ended and I half ran to the housing office. I told them I didn't feel safe in the dorm. They set me up somewhere else for the night.

Now I'm back in the dorm and I feel no support from my roomates. They knew about the period break up thing but I feel dumb when I say I am afraid of this guy. I feel like they don't understand. But maybe its not a big deal. The campus police said they didn't think he was going to do anything. I just think about what he said and it still gives me goosebumps. I KNOW I'm right to be afraid of him. I just don't know what to do.

[Capricorn3]

He sounds like a major jerk (imo). Cut all contact immediately. Also, try not to jump into sex so soon with someone you hardly know, it will lessen the chances of this type of thing happening again.

[Ivory_Tower]

Okay, first of all, having a period comes with being a girl...does he not get it?

 

What he was saying sounded borderline abusive to me. I would suggest that you go to an on campus counselor ASAP. It isn't okay for him to talk to you that way.

[SimplySmashing]

Thanks for your replies. I know it wasn't a smart idea to have sex with someone I barely know (believe me its not happening again). I'm planning on going to student services as soon as possible. I don't know if what he did was abusive but it made me feel horrible and dirty.

[Ivory_Tower]

He's the jerk. Any guy that has been in a relationship with a girl is PROBABLY going to encounter her period at some point. That may sound like TMI, but its the truth.

[Organs]

Well, I think you should put more thought into your sexual partners than "He seemed all right". But I'm not condemning you for that (even in spite of the rest of your situation). And I digress.

 

This guy DEFINITELY sounds dangerous! "Any other guy would punch you in the face"?? This guy seems like a potential rapist in the making, or someone who'll be arrested for assault and battery. And he's trying to come back to you like an on again/off again boyfriend even though you just had sex and nothing else with him?

 

Make it known you want nothing to do with him, and if he doesn't relax, see if you can get relocated to another dorm. What you did wrong was trivial. The period thing is trivial. His behavior, stalking you after your dinner, and the threats are all pretty scary!

 

For the future, maybe you should get some mace.

[SimplySmashing]

Yeah...we really didn't have any relationship to speak of. He didn't seem like boyfriend material from the beginning. I honestly can say I had no emotional attachment to him (thank god) but yea I really have learned a lesson here. Right now it just really hurts that he said those things. I can't stop thinking about the next time I end up having sex and wondering if I'll again do something offensive.

 

For the future, maybe you should get some mace.

 

lol maybe but I hope that there won't be any need for it

[alli]

Wow, what a jerk. You're lucky he didn't punch you in the face? Yeah, I don't know any guys that would punch a girl for something like that. And threatening you because you got upset. Geez. At least you made a report with the police of his threats. Did the police possibly discuss having a talk with him? Letting him know that they know what is going on, the threats he made to you & that he better stay away from you. A uniform knocking on his door & having a "discussion" might keep him at bay.

 

Hopefully your school is big enough that switching to a different dorm might mean its unlikely you'll run into him again.

[SimplySmashing]

Yeah they talked to him. They said he was "not likely to cause trouble" But today I had to turn around and walk out of my dorm because he was in there. My room mates don't know the whole story (because its embarassing) but I'm wondering if I should tell them and ask them to please keep him out of the dorm.

[alli]

Yeah they talked to him. They said he was "not likely to cause trouble" But today I had to turn around and walk out of my dorm because he was in there. My room mates don't know the whole story (because its embarassing) but I'm wondering if I should tell them and ask them to please keep him out of the dorm.

 

Tell them that he told you you're lucky he didn't punch you & that he was going to make your life ***** if you don't react the way he wanted you to? Heck yes you should tell them he threatened you and you had to get the police to intervene. You should really consider transferring to a different dorm building. I don't know how big your school is, but it might be a good idea.

[Organs]

Yeah they talked to him. They said he was "not likely to cause trouble" But today I had to turn around and walk out of my dorm because he was in there. My room mates don't know the whole story (because its embarassing) but I'm wondering if I should tell them and ask them to please keep him out of the dorm.

 

Wait, he was waiting IN YOUR DORM?? Like, the actual room assigned to you?? This guy's on par with Norman Bates!

[SimplySmashing]

Well I've just talked to my resident assistant, and everyone has agreed that hes not to be allowed in the room amymore. I didn't say any details just that he had threatened me and I didn't feel safe. I hope thats enough to prevent him from doing too much damage.

[diabolik]

Right now it just really hurts that he said those things. I can't stop thinking about the next time I end up having sex and wondering if I'll again do something offensive.

I wouldn't worry about other guys reacting like this. Maybe this guy needs to play for the other team if a little blood bothers him so much.

[SimplySmashing]

well thank you all for the reassurance. I'll let you know if he gives me any more grief, but my room mates, RA, and the police all are watching him very closely. If he's dumb enough to try hurting me or anything else (stealing trashing dorm, etc.) he's sure not going to get away with it. I'm going to take a self defense class but I don't expect anything else. I'll let you all know though thanks and good night

[bexcelant]

This is not about a little blood. This is about respect. Once you lose a guy's respect they are gone. Never let a guy use you for a one nighter if you're not prepared for the consequence of it being nothing more than a hookup.

[alli]

This is not about a little blood. This is about respect. Once you lose a guy's respect they are gone. Never let a guy use you for a one nighter if you're not prepared for the consequence of it being nothing more than a hookup.

 

Even if he "lost respect" for her he doesn't have the right, nor is it reasonable, for him to threaten her. Hookups frequently result in one person getting hurt because the other decides they want nothing to do with the other. They don't usually involve one person threatening the other & the police getting involved. You should be prepared for consequences of getting ignored/turned down after a hookup. There is no way she could have predicted he would want to hurt her. This isn't a typical hookup; he is crazy.

[annalisa84]

When I met my bf couple of years ago and we were already intimate, once I told him that I have my period - he went to a bathroom and took a huge towel, asking whether it's enough He was serious.

 

To be honest, none of my bf have ever said "it's disgusting".. yeah, it's messy and not the best, but I'm a woman!

 

I just don't do it cos it's waaaay too tender down there.

 

What I'm trying to say is that - this guy is a complete jerk! Good for you to talk with the cops. I think you did right. As soon as he says or does anything hurtful or threatening again, I'd talk with the cops again. He is incredibly disrespectful with you and most likely with all the women.

 

I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm sure next time you'll be more careful.