mr.mac Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I'm curious about how other people go about this. Do you take the direct/blunt approach or do you beat around the bush and hope that they can figure it out? Or do you not talk about it at all and you just surprise her/him with what you want and hope for the best? Just curious about what other couples do. Thanks... Link to comment
georgiagrrrl Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I've learned (the hard way) that men are not mind readers. If you want him to do something, tell him or ask him. Openness, bluntness and honesty are the best ways to go in my book. Link to comment
georgiagrrrl Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 And some surprises are great. But, if your plans dont go exactly as you want, you must be willing to improvise so that your "surprise" is still a surprise. Ex: you plan to answer the door wearing nothing but high heels and one of his neckties with a beer in hand and he comes home with his buddies to watch the game. lol Improvise! Link to comment
dangletsbang Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 My boyfriend and I are very open with our sex life. If we want to do something new..or improve something..we just say it. No hurt feelings..we're just making everything better! Link to comment
Lonewing Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 And some surprises are great. But, if your plans dont go exactly as you want, you must be willing to improvise so that your "surprise" is still a surprise. Ex: you plan to answer the door wearing nothing but high heels and one of his neckties with a beer in hand and he comes home with his buddies to watch the game. lol Improvise! Oh he just became DA MAN with the HOTTEST girl in the league...ouch!!! Link to comment
Lonewing Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I've learned (the hard way) that men are not mind readers. If you want him to do something, tell him or ask him. Openness, bluntness and honesty are the best ways to go in my book. And I so much prefer it ths way - I can't stand people who can't talk matruely abotu sex and turning themselves and each other on. It's about respect for each other and a willingness to be educated about our bodies and how they work!!! Link to comment
mr.mac Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 I've learned (the hard way) that men are not mind readers. If you want him to do something, tell him or ask him. Openness, bluntness and honesty are the best ways to go in my book. Does everyone agree with this theory? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 If there is a problem, I'm direct. If there is a suggestion (things I want to do/fantasy/kinky stuff) then I'll ease my way into the subject. Depending on how I'll think he'll take it, will dictate how fast I "ease" my way into the subject. If I simply want to try a new position, it's a direct approach. If I'm suggesting something a bit risque, it's a long ease. Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I think it greatly depends on what you're after. I've learned a few different ways to get my point accross. If you're looking for something new that can't be started "in the moment," like lingerie or a precursory lap dance, you pretty much have to talk about it beforehand. Maybe during pillow talk after an earlier session. If you want to try something new that most people would be okay with, like feathers, blindfolds or even handcuffs, you can bring them out when things are underway and ask if she would like to try them. Or if you're sure she's that adventurous, just do it. If you want to try a new position, say it when you're at that point, or just start to move both of you into the position. If the position is complicated, you might want to talk about it first - if it takes too long to figure out, it can kill the mood. And I'm always surprised at how many women don't know what reverse cowgirl is... If you're trying to teach them a technique, there are a couple of ways. One is to mention how you like it when you are at that stage, ie "harder, softer, faster, slower" etc. Then moan or something when they get it right. The other is to take her hand and move it how/where you like it. And as a final memory reinforcement, I've found it very effective to mention what you liked during the afterglow/pillow talk - "I loved it when you blanked me." I think the most important thing is to realize it's okay to ask for what you want, but also be considerate of the other person's feelings. You aren't going to form your "perfect" lover in one session. So don't turn into a drill sergeant over every little move she makes (or doesn't make). Go for one, or maybe two subtleties at a time. Remember, you both should be there to pleasure each other, and you can actually reduce her anxiety by telling her exactly what you want. Link to comment
faithful14 Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 I'm usually pretty blunt with my boyfriend. The only way he will ever know what I want or how I am feeling about something is to pretty much come out in the open and tell the truth. It saves a lot of time and confusion for both of us. If it's a pretty touchy subject, I'm still honest but not in a brutual way. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I'm blunt, open and honest. We both are. But thats our general communication style, and its no different when it comes to things related to our sex life. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 My boyfriend and I are very open with our sex life. If we want to do something new..or improve something..we just say it. Same here. We're very open and talk about it enthusiastically, what we would like to try, what we don't like, what feels good, etc etc. The KEY to a good sex life is COMMUNICATION. If you cannot communicate, and cannot share what's on your mind, be prepared for a lot of frustration and disappointment and possibly even resentment. Link to comment
mr.mac Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Same here. We're very open and talk about it enthusiastically, what we would like to try, what we don't like, what feels good, etc etc. The KEY to a good sex life is COMMUNICATION. If you cannot communicate, and cannot share what's on your mind, be prepared for a lot of frustration and disappointment and possibly even resentment. What do you do if your partner is unreceptive to what you are asking/saying? Link to comment
Lecturer Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 I've been with my wife for 10 years, and sex communication was always a problem. The reason was because she was/is very sexually conservative, and I'm .. well.. I'm not. For this reason, I'd keep my mouth shut about things, otherwise she would be disgusted/upset. Recently (this past year)... out of frustration... I've stopped keeping my mouth shut. Things are bad now lol. My opinion, now, is that when people first start a relationship, they need to be very open and clear about things - to ensure they are compatible. Link to comment
mr.mac Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Recently (this past year)... out of frustration... I've stopped keeping my mouth shut. Things are bad now lol. Bad how? Like your sex life is bad or your relationship as a whole? Link to comment
Lecturer Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 Bad how? Like your sex life is bad or your relationship as a whole? Relationship. I waited too long. Link to comment
jahur Posted September 3, 2009 Share Posted September 3, 2009 i have always found that talking about sex and amongst other things is to talk whilst in that situation, thats the biggest ice breaker. Link to comment
mr.mac Posted September 3, 2009 Author Share Posted September 3, 2009 Relationship. I waited too long. Damn. Sorry. Link to comment
mr.mac Posted September 4, 2009 Author Share Posted September 4, 2009 i have always found that talking about sex and amongst other things is to talk whilst in that situation, thats the biggest ice breaker. care to elaborate? Link to comment
Speranza Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 Well - I tried, but he didn't really want to talk. It was one of the things which I saw as a red flag. I would really love to be with someone who was not threatened at the thought of communicating about sex to make it even better. Link to comment
jahur Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 care to elaborate? yes of course, when in bed with my SO we find it easier to discuss sex and certain details about it, look at it this way would you find it more comfortable at first to discuss what you would like sexually fully clothed over coffee? (this applies to early stages of relationship) no, of course not. when you finally get to the point of having sex, you both natuarally find yourselves around certain details. so your both lying there, fairly vulnerable after the event. start talking......... then from experience i found after 3 or 4 times you can then discuss over coffee and being fully clothed.... ice broken! hope this makes sense. jahur Link to comment
mr.mac Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 yes of course, when in bed with my SO we find it easier to discuss sex and certain details about it, look at it this way would you find it more comfortable at first to discuss what you would like sexually fully clothed over coffee? (this applies to early stages of relationship) no, of course not. when you finally get to the point of having sex, you both natuarally find yourselves around certain details. so your both lying there, fairly vulnerable after the event. start talking......... then from experience i found after 3 or 4 times you can then discuss over coffee and being fully clothed.... ice broken! hope this makes sense. jahur Very nicely explained, thanks! Link to comment
drewciouS281 Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 im blunt with my approach. Why sugar coat it. I mean im not disrespectful but i voice my concerns. Link to comment
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