Hi there, new here

[EmmyEm84]

My name is Emmy, I am 24 years old and was recently dumped by my boyfriend on Friday. We were together for 6 years. Since the moment we started going out we have been pretty much inseperable. We even started the same kind of business (ecommerce, 3 years ago)and while we worked on separate accounts/websites for now, we planned on getting an office (we were supposed to move in yesterday, September 1st.) and eventually open a boutique in Downtown Chicago.

I would say we got into a routine. Everyday we would see eachother, work on our business, go to the post office, get something to eat. Our friends always saw us as the perfect couple, I guess they didnt see the relationship from the inside. I would say the passion left the realtionship early on(year 2). He got into a drug problem and I helped him out of it, after that I just didnt see him in a sexual way anymore. I did love him though... I just dont think I was in love with him anymore.

But our lives were so wound up into eachother that we just became comfortable, and while I did try to see him sexually.. I did it just to shut him up.

I feel like such an idiot, because I became completely 100% dependant on him. I wouldn't go to the grocery store without him, everywhere he went, I went and so fourth.

About 12 days ago my sister had a fight with a friend that was staying at our house who was visiting from Australia. My sister kicked her out. I asked him if she could crash with him for a couple days until she figured out what she wanted to do. I expected her to stay for 2 nights, it is now 12 nights later. I could see his attitude shift slowly. He likes to drink, and I am getting over the party phase of my life. We got into a fight because we went out and he drank way too much to drive me home, but still insisted that he was going to drive me.

When I told him that he was being completely irresponsible, he told me that I was miserable to be around, and why couldnt I be carefree and not so uptight like the "australian girl". We continued to fight, and finally I told him I just wanted some time to cool off.

The next day...he texted me that he no longer wanted to be with me.

6 years of me dedicating my life to him. I feel now that my complete future is lost, that I will never be able to open a successful business by myself.

I was told by my friends to delete him off facebook, and block him.. which I did. I also blocked him on my instant messenger and took him out of my phone and erased all texts he ever sent me so I wouldnt keep rereading them.

There is one more issue tho, I can check his bank account. I would never ever mess with his financials, but we did share money in this account at one time and now he uses it as his debit account.

I can see that he has now bought 2 tickets to NYC (the australian girl was mentioning several times she wanted to go) and booked a hostel.

He has made no attempt to contact me.

I am so utterly lost and confused, Ive barely eaten since Friday... I cry my eyes out at random times of the day...and here HE IS...booking a nice weekend stay in Manhattan?

Its only been a couple days.. I know. But... I feel so incredibly betrayed by this person that I shared my entire life with... everyday wed spend time together.. every couple hours we'd talk..for 6 years.

If youve read this far, I commend you. Thank you for taking the time to read my sob story. If anyone has any advice for me... this is my first major relationship/breakup. Im so depressed.

Thank you,

Emmy

[d24]

Emmy, from the first half of the post, weren't you in maintenance mode, and not really bothered about him? I know it's hard to look past this all but remember how you were just ... bored? Isn't it a blessing in disguise that you've got the chance to start again?

 

And remember life and love are more important (generally) than money. Some of the happiest people I know are poor as dirt. So don't worry about that so much, use it as a positive

[anonguy77]

Emmy, so sorry for you situation. It can't be real with Australian girl. They were only together for 12 days. It is all sparks and everything else that makes the grass greener on the other side. It isn't love. You two had a bond, but clearly, he was willing to forego that for a quick fling, which he may think is more, but probably is not more. It is painful because you were together so long. What I have to gather from this is that he may have been looking for an exit strategy for some time. She presented that opportunity, but transition relationships often do not last so he'll probably snap back into reality and then he will at some point try to contact you, just a guess but a very educated one. Then you will have to decide if you are willing to take him back. Best of luck to you and everything will work out in the end. Things have a way of becoming how they should be.

[EmmyEm84]

Well, I would say that I love him, he was a good boyfriend 99% of the time. Sure the passion was gone on my side but.. I was willing to go without the sexual part of the relationship because everything else was going well. If someone would have told me on Wednesday...that Friday he would have dumped me...I would have laughed and said NEVER!

And now... Im dumped

[EmmyEm84]

The Australian girl is still staying with him. Im the one that helped her out...! She will be staying here til the 16th of September. I find it so hard to believe that a girl that didnt even know my ex and is now staying with him and his family would stay with him after he broke up with me.... the person that introduced her to him the same day she crashed at his house! I have received no contact from her either.. which I find suspicous. After he dumped me he showed up to a club with all of our friends there. I was so devastated that I stayed in. I started to receive text messages and calls from various people asking where the hell I was. I then learned he went to another club on saturday with the girl, and then tonight he went out again with the girl. Many friends claimed that it didnt look like they were "together". I just cannot believe he threw me away like a piece of trash and has not tried to contact me at all! Im devastated.

Sorry... im rambling.

[DN]

Well, it seems that you became friends rather than lovers, potential business partners rather than life partners and that the relationship became more companionable than romantic. If you were having sex with him just to 'shut him up' how do you think that made him feel? Given all of that, it really isn't that surprising that he should be attracted to a woman who is clearly attracted to him even if that is just sexually. It seems the relationship wasn't fulfilling for either of you.

 

Although you are upset now, you have an opportunity to rebuild your life and find someone that you can love and be loved by in every sense of the word. Hopefully, so can he even if it isn't going to be this new girl in his life.

[lilikausa]

u have aim? msn? or something like that?

i had the same kind of problem as u... and i wanted to tell you all of my experiences on this...

if you do .. add me email removed or gimme ur email !

My name is Maria and i just turned 25 .. maybe i can help u with some conversation about all this!

 

=]

[EmmyEm84]

Well, the last thing ill say is that I was willing to work on our relationship no matter what the issue, i even suggested going to some kind of relationship councelling to see what the deal was, why was I resenting him sexually and etc.

I did plan on spending my life with him, and he even told me days before he dumped me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, that I was the love of his life no doubt...that we were luckier than all of our friends and their relationships, HE even talked about getting married and what our wedding would be like..where we would have it, etc.

Dont all relationships have issues? I mean...I was willing to work on mine.

Will he ever try to contact me? its inevitable that in our group of friends and our interests we will run into eachother SOON, maybe within the next month. What should I do? how should I react? Im completely LOST.

[WomanWriter]

From what it sounds like, I do believe you love him. Just because you lost the passion (which is understandable after being together so long) doesn't mean you couldn't have worked on the sex issue. You said the rest of the relationship was important to you and you were willing to work on the parts that were not working. I don't see anything wrong with that. You did nothing wrong here, except maybe waited too long to make changes in the relationship so it wouldn't come to an end.

 

The fact is that he chose to give up the relationship rather than work on it. it was probably a mistake that you two didn't have outside hobbies, but it's too late now because he's made his decision. I know that must really hurt. I've been there myself, but it there is nothing you can do at this point.

 

This guy is obviously not the man you thought...at least not anymore. If he's willing to get with this foreign girl so fast (after he basically insulted her), he's got issues of his own.

 

I'm so sorry that this happened, but try to make the best of it. Loyalty is a good trait, but next time maybe you should act faster to make changes in the relationship before it gets to a point where one ends it before you even have a chance. I learned that lesson myself and have regrets. But it is a learning experience, at the very least.

 

Hang in there!

[EmmyEm84]

Well, even though I wasnt sure in the beginning about the Australian girl having anything to do with the break up...

its offical, he left me for her.

He told a mutual friend that he wants to be with her and is even thinking of moving to Australia.

Im devastated. I have never EVER felt so sad in my life.

Another scary aspect of all of this is after asking my sister about her past, she told me that she has a history of doing this, manipulating people. She also has had hundreds of sexual partners and my sister believes she may even have an STD or several, because of the several types of antibiotics and medications shes on and the fact that shes 100% careless and even slept with a cabdriver on the way back to the hotel when they were in Las Vegas only a couple days before all this went down.

I should have NEVER tried to help this girl, if I did..my life wouldnt be in complete shambles right now.

I would never be able to trust him again, but I am scared for him. Half of me tells me to let him make his own mistake with this psychopath...the other tells me to run to him and tell him about her past..and the possibility of her giving him something. I know that right now by me telling him that he would assume that I was lying...

I just dont know what to do. My brain is like mush... a blender, i cannot take my mind off the problem no matter what I try to do.

[DN]

I understand that you are hurt and sad. But his life and his problems are not yours anymore and he must live his life and deal with his problems separately. As must you.

 

Your best course is to accept that the relationship is over and turn your mind to what you want to do with your life from now on. Take the time to heal and regroup and then look for someone with whom you can build a relationship without the problems that affected this last one.