Help Needed: Tips For Moving Past Verbal/ Emotional Abuse

[Ivory_Tower]

I think I'm starting to get over my ex, but for some reason I am having a hard time getting his voice out of my thoughts. I try to counter what he said, but once in a while I think of the things he said to belittle me:

 

-You are stupid.

-You aren't THAT pretty.

-You won't amount to anything even when you get your degree.

-Your job is worthless and stupid.

-You are weak, I could snap you in half.

-You are too emotional, and its really annoying.

-Why don't you already have x,y, and z. (He was VERY wealthy with THREE cars and a house...at 20!)

 

Now, I know deep down that most of these things aren't true, but if they are said to you enough its as if you start to believe them.

 

This guy was such a loser, I'm glad that I am not with him anymore. When one of my friends heard that he had called me stupid she was concerned about that.

 

Now, what can I do to move past these things? Thoughts, advice? Has anyone been through something similar?

[gidget1]

I've been treated like that by family my entire life, and I guess it took me until I was 20 or so to realise that the more I believe it, the more it will come true. I spent years believing I was hopeless, a waste of space, the cause of all problems, and I was eventually, I did become a big waste of space, because I didn't try, I had such little self-esteem left... Once I took it in my stride and tried to prove it wrong, it became nothing but a bunch of words.

Anyone who puts you down to that level is very insecure in themselves and needs to hurt/put down other people in order for them to feel better. Think of it that way, how pointless, ignorant and hurtful that is, and hopefully that will make you feel better

[Lonewing]

My dad was a mean awful person through most of my life. Yes, he is.

 

But the crowning moment for me was a little fter my mom read "The Education of Little Tree" to us and we went over the chapter of dealing with pain. In this chapter, Little Tree goes to a white school where he gets in trouble. In short, the teacher asks them to describe what is happening in a pretty scene of two deer frolicing in a spring setting. The other kids give nice clean reasons for waht is happeningl Little tree tells the teacher straight forward what the deer are doing [courtship and mating] and that makes the whoitee toities mad. he is sent to eh head master for whipping. and hte head master whips him. But part of the cherokee way is to take the pain, and send it somewhere else, and thus one can take any amount of pain and not break. So the ehadmaster beats him and beats hima nd beats him, but still the boy boy does not cry. And finally the boy is allowed to leave, becasuehte headmaster cannot break him.

 

The next time my father when to spank me, I withstood it - I didn't cry after the first swat like I had accustomed him to. Instead, I just didn't do anything. That was the moment I beat my fatehr, because I realized no matter what he said or how loud he yelled, he was no longer in control of my life.

 

Ownership is the beginning...Take control, and then be yourself!

[Ivory_Tower]

That was an awesome story! Thank you.

 

One way I have tried to take control of myself is by contolling my behavior and emotions...just like the story. I was very calm and respectful during the break up even though he was not. Is that a start? I feel better 3 1/2 months later knowing that I have been very mature about everything while he wasn't.

[gidget1]

That was an awesome story! Thank you.

 

One way I have tried to take control of myself is by contolling my behavior and emotions...just like the story. I was very calm and respectful during the break up even though he was not. Is that a start? I feel better 3 1/2 months later knowing that I have been very mature about everything while he wasn't.

 

That's definitely great! You had the understanding to take it well, instead of say, blowing up, or begging/pleading, showing weakness, etc.. That takes a lot of strength and definitely isn't easy! It's definitely a step forward.

[Ivory_Tower]

That's definitely great! You had the understanding to take it well, instead of say, blowing up, or begging/pleading, showing weakness, etc.. That takes a lot of strength and definitely isn't easy! It's definitely a step forward.

 

I also had a breast tumor at the time! I don't know HOW I managed to keep it together...its a miracle!

[gidget1]

I also had a breast tumor at the time! I don't know HOW I managed to keep it together...its a miracle!

 

If you can get over something like that and come out on the other side still well kept together and happy, then I think you'll do fine Honestly, you're very strong!

[Ivory_Tower]

If you can get over something like that and come out on the other side still well kept together and happy, then I think you'll do fine Honestly, you're very strong!

 

This means that I have already proven him wrong because he always said I was weak!

[Lonewing]

It was he who was weak, like my father, for he could not control himself so as not to do such things to others.

[lavenderdove]

Here are a couple of excellent books that talk about verbally abusive relationships and how to recover from them:

 

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[Ivory_Tower]

It was he who was weak, like my father, for he could not control himself so as not to do such things to others.

 

Very insightful. I can only imagine how hard that was for you. Its been hell for me.

[Lonewing]

Very insightful. I can only imagine how hard that was for you. Its been hell for me.

 

It was easy to get over day by day because it was so common. Today I am really just an omega lone wolf looking for the comfort and security of someone who loves and protects...I ultimately wear the apron.