I'm close to giving up on dating.

[TBE_1989]

I'm sick of even trying!

 

I just have to vent...it's been 15 months since my last relationship ended. I'm fully healed. There's been a few guys in and out of my life since then but, to be blunt, they either seem to be a-holes or have severe emotional issues.

 

Eg:

 

Guy #1 post-breakup: Texts me for ages, seems really interested. Stops his interest in me all of a sudden after another girl ditches his friendship and begins a spiral of excessive drinking and avoidance of responsibilities.

 

Guy # 2: Meets me in November (08). Flirts like hell. Asks me for my number Jan 09. Doesn't text until March 09. Asks me out on date May 09. No hug or kiss. Jun-Aug 09, texts me incessantly and gets edgy and clingy if I don't respond (which I often don't). Is interested one day and not the next. Have had MANY warnings from friends about him.

 

Guy #3: Tells a friend he'd be interested in a date with me. Says that he ''missed'' my company on a night out when I wasn't present. I ask him if a certain weekend would suit to meet up. He seems delighted at the prospect and says he'll get back to me. He never does.

 

Guy #4: Seems to be the most perfect guy in the universe for me and we spent two blissful nights together. Problem is, he lives in another country. (IRONY!) Says he's mad about me and would love to see me again. However, I discover today that he's been flirting and arranging to meet up with a girl he EXPLICITLY told me he has no interest in and doesn't like.

 

 

!!!!!!!

 

SERIOUSLY?! Is it me? Is it them? Am I doing something wrong?

 

Do bad dating prospects come in waves, like luck, do you think? What's the deal?

 

Also, bear in mind, with the exception of guy #4, I met these guys through friends/college events, etc etc. Not sleazy bars or dodgy online dating sites. I meet them in hypothetically the most wholesome way one can meet a date, and yet, look how they've all turned out. They're all my age group, I have similar interests with all of them, they all make me laugh, they all *appear* to be nice guys...but scratch the surface and VOILA!

 

It's really getting me down. I don't understand. I'm not perfect, but I'm nice, fun, and have varied interests. I could lose a bit of weight (and I AM losing weight) but overall I consider myself attractive.

 

I don't know why I'm attracting such insecure guys...what's the deal? Any ideas? Anyone else in the same boat - male or female???

[Fionnuala]

I don't know. I have a similar issue. I only seem capable of attracting emotionally unstable men who can't commit. I don't know what I'm doing wrong either. I feel like I'm healthy, I'm stable, I'm independent...I don't know why these types gravitate towards me and then suddenly drop me for no reason. It's weird.

[Imprecision]

Hahaha, seems fairly typical.

[annie24]

i think it's partially your age (a lot of guys in your age group may be more interested in dating around vs. getting into a relationship). i think it's also partially bad luck. i've had my share of experiences like yours if it makes you feel any better. hang in there.

[grace1979]

i hate dating. men have a way of making me feel inadequate. i've decided to stay single but i do get lonely. it's been 3 months since my ex broke up with me he has moved on with a younger girl. im not hurt about that i just wished hed found her sooner cause now im soooo damaged emotionally. most guys who are asking me out are his friends... what am a pass along... besides these boys are looking for a sugar mommy. talk about venting... don't give up though... there's still hope...

[June_Bug]

i think it's partially your age (a lot of guys in your age group may be more interested in dating around vs. getting into a relationship). i think it's also partially bad luck. i've had my share of experiences like yours if it makes you feel any better. hang in there.

 

Uh, I'm in my 30's and date men from their early 30's through late 40's. Based on my own experiences and that of my friends, I don't believe it has anything to do with her age group. I feel it is becoming a disturbing trend that people, both men and women alike, are mostly interested in hooking up and are not looking for serious relationships anymore. Draw your own conclusions about whether that's due to societal changes or what have you, but it seems to be more and more common lately.

 

So OP, I am in the same boat and feel your pain. I swear the last decade of my life has been nothing but a string of emotionally unavailable, commitment phobic men...

[rosstheboss]

It's only been 4 guys and so probability states that you'll meet a nice guy sooner rather than later. Of course it's frustrating but if you keep looking you'll find the right guy, maybe you should take a break from dating for a few months just to let yourself settle down a bit.

 

Good luck