Former boss wants a date but I'm Busy

[BusyNAbroad]

She's just 2-3 years older than me and also quite interesting. I didn't see her for a few months ,and a few days ago, when I went to the workplace to ask for a recommendation letter, she started heavily flirting with me (non verbal and verbal) and repeatedly asked whether we could have dinner together to "talk about what happened all this time". She never had this attitude towards me before, while I was working.

 

Also when I was talking to other co-workers she was glancing at my eyes from the distance and smiling. Reminded me good old times when I was a teenager...

 

Now, since a few months I promised myself to commit to celibacy, at least until I am spiritually more developed, and also because I am heavily busy with my studies.

 

The problem is that, ok I like her, but most importantly, I don't want to ruin our professional relationship. So I don't want her to feel rejected by me.

 

I must go back to talk with her as she has to write the testimonial about me, and am wondering how I should behave. I think I'll be nervous in any case... but should I casually mention the dinner? Or wait till she does... and then say "OK" in a friendly but non-flirting way?

 

As I said, main objective is maintaining friendly or at least good professional relationship!

 

Thanks

[Honore]

Well, if she still asks about dinner, how about suggestinglunch?

 

And when the topic of "what's happened all this time comes up," you can mention that your main focus is your studies and that you've made a conscious decision to put dating/your romantic life on the back burner.

 

That way, you don't have to get into an awkward conversation about celibacy, your sex life, spirituality, etc, but she'll still get the message.

[LanceVanceDance]

Well do you like her in that way, or not?

 

IMO you should not refuse to date. It's one thing to decide that your dating life is not your priority right now, and an entirely different thing to refuse to date and decline straight-forward offers.

 

If you think you like her in that way you should go ahead with it. She's only your former boss.

[coldplay.]

Now, since a few months I promised myself to commit to celibacy, at least until I am spiritually more developed, and also because I am heavily busy with my studies.

 

Dinner doesnt nearly equate to breaking celebacy, and maintaining a professional relationship, any relationship for that matter requires some kind of interaction, so i see no reason why you shouldnt go out with her, whats the worst that could happen?

[BusyNAbroad]

Dinner doesnt nearly equate to breaking celebacy, and maintaining a professional relationship, any relationship for that matter requires some kind of interaction, so i see no reason why you shouldnt go out with her, whats the worst that could happen?

 

I know... but I'm unsure how the whole story will develop, i.e. how to make sure that she will see it "just" as a dinner and not a date.

[coldplay.]

You cant control her intentions, if she thinks its a date and makes a move, just tell her your not interested, no reason you or her should be ashamed or disregard their personal feelings or emotions.