zinny Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Hi All, I have 2 other threads here if you want background info.... But long story short.... my boyfriend of 1.5 years ended it with me again, after I got sad because of something that happened. We were rocky for the past month and I basically begged and grovelled to have him take me back. This time I've decided that I can't take anymore of the back and forth and indecisiveness from him (I love you, I can't imagine being without you but I can't let you back in... I think you need someone better suited for you... etc...). So I told him fine, I respect his decision and as much as I love him, I can't continue to chase him In anycase - today is Day 1 of my NC...... and I've already gotten 2 emails from him. One reiterating that he doesn't/can't be with me because we don't work well together and the second indicating he saw me at lunch (we work in the same building) and that I was with a boy and looked happy... and it hurt him to see that but he wants what's best for me. First off, that "boy" was my coworker and he was waiting for another coworker who I wanted to extend my congrats to - because he just got married and I was waiting with him to say hello. Afterwards, I went and grabbed some food from the food court and ate outside alone, just to think. I really don't know what he wants from me.... and I feel like I want to respond but don't think I should.... What does he want from me? Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 He wants to know you still want him... Don't reply to him, let him stew in his imagination. If you reply to him, he'll only repeat what he's said before. Don't keep putting yourself through it Link to comment
HouseKitten Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Don't break your NC. He sounds a bit insecure to me. All that 'I love you but you deserve better', anyone who says that is fishing for an 'of course you deserve me!' I don't think he wants you to get over him. He might not want to be with you right now, but he doesn't want you to find someone else (hence his panic over the 'boy') because then you wouldn't be available if he decides he's worthy of you after all. He's trying to reinforce with his emails that he's around, in your life.... but not as your boyfriend. Keep quiet. I'll be surprised if he doesn't send anything else. Link to comment
zinny Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 Oh god.... I don't know what to do.... I need some advice.... So... as you guys know - I was seen by the ex today - on the first day after he broke up with me... and the first day of NC... at lunch time talking to a male coworker - while he was waiting for another male coworker of mine (who was just married on Sunday)... so I stayed with him and chatted until the other one arrived so I could extend my congrats. The ex saw me I guess while leaving the building (I didn't see him) and he sent me those emails.... and I didn't respond.... I maintained my NC rule. But now he has messaged me... on my blackberry... asking... "Did you have lunch with that guy? Is it that easy for you to move on?"..... I don't know what to do... should I respond? Do I keep the NC rule? On one hand, after he told me that he couldn't be with me and that I should find someone more suited to me - he really doesn't have the right to question who I go to lunch with.... and I want to really get through at least 30 days of NC... this is only day 1 for crying out loud! On the other hand... I don't want him to think I'm such a floozy that I would just hop onto ANOTHER guy in less than a day after we broke up! I don't want to play games with him... that wasn't the intent of NC at all. Geez... talk about thinking the worst! What should I do? If I respond am I just opening myself up for more hurt? I'm so scared that I'm going to be hurt even more if possible.... Please help! What should I do? Link to comment
not again Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 But now he has messaged me... on my blackberry... asking... "Did you have lunch with that guy? Is it that easy for you to move on?"..... I don't know what to do... should I respond? Do I keep the NC rule? QUOTE] Keep NC.. It is a ridiculous thought of his to think you have moved on within 24hrs.. He just doesnt want anyone else to have you. But you know what, stuff him and all the others out there like him. If they dont want us, we have the right to find someone who does and will treat us even better! We have the right to be happy! Link to comment
lotus26 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 I agree, please keep NC. He is being real selfish, sounds like my ex. I got the whole i cant be with you i love you but i can bear to see you with other guys. Just keep the no contact, and in a few weeks time you will look back and be able to hold your'e head high knowing you didnt cave (thats what i am telling myself anyway) goodluck x Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Ignore him. Ignore him. Ignore him. If you don't, he'll just repeat the same behaviour. If he really wants to be with you then he'll find a way of letting you know. Link to comment
loulee Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 On the other hand... I don't want him to think I'm such a floozy that I would just hop onto ANOTHER guy in less than a day after we broke up! I don't want to play games with him... that wasn't the intent of NC at all. Geez... talk about thinking the worst! What should I do? If I respond am I just opening myself up for more hurt? I'm so scared that I'm going to be hurt even more if possible....\ If your ex could even entertain the thought within one day and possibly think your a floozy then he doesnt know you now does he??..YOU DO NOT need to justify yourself or explain yourself ANY LONGER TO him. YOU are allowing him to control you IF you respond to this. HOnestly IGNORE HIM. HE is being very immature..LET HIM DARN sweat over it.. THINK ABOUT IT> if he wanted you he would be professing his undying love telling you HE MADE A MISTAKE and wants to be with you..and the only chance he may have at getting you back is if you be strong and ignore him..DO not drop your standards and do not FEEL GUILTY ...you owe no explanations to him about anything..he had his chance..he didnt want to take it...so in reality you can shag/lunch with/meet with, the whole male population and it is absolutely none of his business, and never doubt this..make him deal with HIS choices... Link to comment
zinny Posted August 26, 2009 Author Share Posted August 26, 2009 *** UPDATE *** So.... I was an idiot last night.... I continued NC for about 2 hours and the messages got worse. He basically accused me of having a guy all this time we were together - just "waiting in the wings" for me.... which is absurd, since I wasn't even the one who wanted to break up!!! Unfortunately I didn't get responses yet when I finally broke down and responded. First I didn't answer his question re: the boy. But just asked what he wanted from me and why he was being this way. He went into again - about how a horrible person I was re: our fight 1 month ago.... and how he tried to let me back in but I apparently ruined that re: my sadness about pictures..... and basically reiterated how unhealthy we are together. So I let him go off on his tyrant... and then after pushing and calling me on not answering the boy question - I did... and then he said "oh, ok... well I'm tired... I'm going to bed now". So Ultimately, I feel worse and I bet he feels like a million bucks - knowing that the boy was nothing more then I coworker and that I am obviously not over him breaking my heart. I feel like I've just been stomped more when I'm down. From now on, no matter what he writes... NC all the way. I feel like such a fool.... and my heart hurts more then ever.... I got next to no sleep last night.... tossing and turning. Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Tyr not to beat yourself up about it. Learn for the next time. Ignore everything. Link to comment
savignon Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 People have been in your situation which is why they say "IGNORE HIM, DON'T RESPOND, FORGET IT" .....he just wanted to push your buttons and once he got what he wanted, he's bored and tired and immediately ends the conversation. We just have to learn the hard way sometimes. Now you know and you won't talk to him next time. Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted August 26, 2009 Share Posted August 26, 2009 Yeah, he just wanted to know he still had you where he wanted you, and that you were pining. He's being extremely selfish and you really really do need to stop talking to him. Even if he sees you with another guy again, let him think whatever it is he wants. Link to comment
zinny Posted August 27, 2009 Author Share Posted August 27, 2009 Back to day 1 of my NC after my weakness and blip yesterday after getting those messages.... feeling so sad still. No messages from him today... wasn't really expecting any after I gave him that ego boost last night. I'm wondering where he is and if he's thinking of me... I feel so pathetic and small right now I still want to be with him so bad... I'm wearing my pjs that I wore the last time I was in his bed and I can still smell his scent.... Trying hard to get through this.... I know I need to... I just wish it wasn't so hard.... Link to comment
jbrooklyn Posted August 31, 2009 Share Posted August 31, 2009 dont feel bad....I love my ex too even tho he doesnt deserve my love. I suggest that you do months and months of no contact. He is going to contact you just to be nosy in the beginning. If he really care....he will come and make it right. If not, then keep moving forward. I am on one month and he texted me which made me feel good but I didnt respond cause it dont mean anything really. If he wants my love again...a text wont get him back in my presences. I have to be strong for me me me. Link to comment
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